The Nurse And The Son
by Superdani4Ever
Summary: Gillian just wanted to do her job, nothing else. Well, sometimes life has other plans for you
1. Chapter 1

**A new story! Ok, so I LOVE Sons of Anarchy! And I love Kozik too, so why not put two and two together?**

**Of course, this story wouldn't be possible without the help of the super MelanthiaChase! THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! Her stories are amazing!**

**And yes, I'll update my other stories, too.**

**This story takes places after season 3.**

**Disclaimer: I don't know the Sons of Anarchy, they belong to Kurt Sutter; Milla belongs to the wonderful MelanthiaChase.I only own Gilly and Mister Daniels.**

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The Nurse and The Son

"It all seems to be in order Miss Smith. I just have a few more questions; Hospital policy." I nodded, eagerly to end this interview with Human Resources. Situations like this always made me feel like I was in the Principal's office for something I didn't do. In the end, it didn't take as long as I thought, only a few more questions about my last job and why I wanted to work at Saint Thomas.

"I've always heard good things about Charming Mister Daniels and I wanted to see for myself" It was partially true, I did hear once what a great place to live Charming was "And recently I was left an heirloom here by my family and decided, why not?"

He gave me a quick look over the papers, like I told him something that he wasn't expecting to hear. This man looked like one of those people who needed to get out in the sun more, even living in Charming.

"Oh, really? But, I thought…"He looked to his papers again. Like I said, needed to go out more "…That you didn't have any known relatives Miss Smith. In your file it says…"

"I know what it says." Damn it; I didn't want to snap like this. Especially at the person that was the responsible for hiring me "I'm sorry mister Daniels; it was just a form of speech. What I meant to say is that a good friend of mine left me the house before dying"

Now that sounded like I was some sort of vulture. Great, just great! Maybe I just should my mouth shut from now on.

"I see" Was all that he said, before writing something in my file with a red pen. High School all over again, I swear! "Well Miss Smith, we at Saint Thomas Hospital understand your situation and we're deeply happy to have such a great professional working with us."

That was unexpected! Especially after he said "my situation", was I an alien or something? But none of that mattered now. I got the job!

"Thank you sir, I…"But before I had the chance to make a fool of myself, a woman wearing brown and grey clothes walked in. She was small, with tiny hair and glasses.

"Oh good, just in time. Gillian Smith, meet Margaret Murphy, your supervisor" She looked me from head to toe, measuring me like I was food. But I held my head up high as she shook my hand.

"Nice you meet you nurse Smith. I'm sure that introductions aren't required." I liked this woman, she didn't talk a lot, I can handle that. So I just shook her hand and we left for my first tour around the hospital_._

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"So, I saw your file" We were in the pediatric sector, my favorite from the entire hospital where my new boss decided to speak "Notable work you did at Saint Peters . Not many nurses could've handled a situation like that." I nodded, silently appreciating her compliment when another nurse came in. She looked younger than me and more hyper too.

"Hi I'm Nellie! Nice to meet you!" I was really scared of the bubbling girl in front of me. Maybe she was high in coffee or something "Can I talk to you for a second Margaret?"

She excused herself and told me to follow the girl-Nellie to attend a patient. A first time mother, it appeared.

"Do you like here so far? I know I do! Charming is so nice. A small town, true. But nowhere else you can find…"We were in front of the door and she just wouldn't shut up! This was a very delicate place and women and babies needed to relax at all costs.

"Nellie, why don't you stay here, filling these forms while I go check out on the mom?" She looked relieved, like she didn't want to go in there. Kids these days. Humpf

"Oh my God, thank you so much! This wing always makes me sick with the vomiting, the complains and…"I stopped her, motioning that I was going in and silently thanking the person that was waiting for me in the room. She had no idea, but she just spared me from a major migraine at the moment.

There was another nurse already there, but she wasn't paying much attention to her surroundings. It looked like she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Very professional! I ignored her and went straight to the bed.

"Good morning Miss Ortiz, how are you feeling?" I heard the nurse snort but ignored her, putting myself behind her so that the patient wouldn't see. According to her medical charts, she'd had enough problems on her own. We didn't need to stress her out more with the lack of professionalism.

"I'm doing great, just tired of being in bed all the time. I swear, every time I come here it's the same thing." ok, she was upset. That's completely normal for a woman in her situation, but no, the so polite nurse decided to make her presence known by dropping Mrs. Ortiz's bag and I had enough of that

"Would you excuse me for a moment Mrs. Ortiz? I'll be right back" I said in my best sweet voice that I use only for my patients and grabbed the older nurse's arm, dragging her out of the room.

"What the hell?" She said defensively, like she didn't do anything wrong. Luckily, no one was in the hall, so it gave me a few moments with her.

"Look, I don't know what your problem is. Maybe you're a bad nurse, or maybe you're just a bitch. I don't care. You just don't treat your patients like that. Got it?" She crossed her arms and tried to scare me. Like I'd fall for that.

"Listen rookie, you're new here. So you don't know who _that_ woman is. If you did, you wouldn't be on my case like that." I was getting pissed at here and if I continued like that, by the end of the day, I was sure I was going to be fired.

"No,_ you_ listen. That woman in there is our patient. She's expecting a child and it's _our_ job to assist her the best way we can." She looked down, lost of words "Now you better take a walk and calm down. You're in no condition to help anyone right now." She didn't say anything, just walk away. I guess people here have more prejudice than where I am from. Idiots.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Ortiz for my absence. It won't happen again" I gave her my first true smile since I got here and went to take care of her medication. She looked healthy and her results were good, better than they had been. Nothing to be worried about.

"It's ok. Not many people do that, you know, defend someone like me" She looked at me, examining me, almost like everybody else. Is this town really that afraid of new people? But, she didn't have that judging look, like almost everyone else does; more like securing herself that I wasn't going to bite her head off.

"Well, you seem young so I'll give you a hint; there are many not nice people in the world. So others tend to be confused when they see one." This time she smiled too. She looked so young and tiny. She had an angelic face with a few tattoos and she was covering her belly with her free hand, possessively. I liked her.

"Where is your husband Mrs. Ortiz? There are some things I'd like to discuss with him." She looked down and I knew I've said something I shouldn't have.

"My husband isn't with me right now, he won't be for a while." I took her hand squeezing

"Well then, you can share the good news with him later. That's good; you can always be the first one to know how strong your little girl is." I winked at her, relaxing the atmosphere. It wasn't any of my business where he was or wasn't. All I'm concerned about is my patient's well being.

"Yeah, she's a fighter" She agreed with me, tears in her eyes "Damn. Sorry, hormones" I gave her a box of tissues, patting her hand.

"There's nothing to be sorry about Mrs. Ortiz. You are going to be a great mother and you're so overwhelmed with happiness that you can't express in words. Am I right?" I winked again, and she smiled. Mrs. Millicent Ortiz seemed like she was going to be a great mother.

"Yes it is, and please, call me Milla." she offered her hand, which I gladly accepted.

"In that case, please call me Gillian" We shook and she continued to smile.

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	2. The Nurse and The Doctor

**You guys are awesome! I wasn't expecting to get any reviews! THANK YOU! So, by now you know that reviews means that I'll post the chapter faster, right?**

**I'd like to thank , VioletEmbry4ever, ivy473, go4itgirl, kurounue13, ajstar and Ramadiii.I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**Disclaimer: ****I don't know the Sons of Anarchy, they belong to Kurt Sutter; Milla belongs to the wonderful ****MelanthiaChase****.I only own Gilly and ****Nanook****.**

The Nurse and The Doctor

I did it! I survived my first Day at work. After the little inconvenience with the bitch nurse, things went out ok. Still, there were several people giving me the eye when I walked past, but that's the kind of problem we all have at our jobs. Afraid of something new or that I might step into something bigger than me. But hey, that's what life is about, right?

"Honey, I'm home!" The ride back home wasn't that long. My new home wasn't that far from the hospital. Then again, this town isn't that big either. As I threw my keys on the table, I was received by the warm saliva of my roommate.

"Good boy, now down Nanook! I have to get your dinner" That was the only way to get my Labrador's attention, food. But he could not have been hungrier than me. I scratched his ears with my free hand while the other put the food in his bowl.

So after I took care of my ever growing roomie, I decided to explore the house a bit more. When we got here last night I was too tired and it was too dark to notice anything. So I just unloaded my boxes and set up Nanook's space. Now that all the lights were on and I already did everything I had to do, it was time to fix everything. My house wasn't that big, but it was good just for me and my dog. There were two bedrooms, that later I could turn one into maybe my place to do my hobby or something else. I'd figure it out later; one bathroom that was larger than my old one; kitchen; living room; a garage and even a tiny space that could be very well a garden. What more could I possibly need?

"This is great!" I said to no one in particular, but Nanook heard me and he barked anyway. I can always count on him. But I guess that the first thing that is really important for me to do is set up where I'll put the important things. So I took the frame out of one of my boxes and the picture that was inside my notebook. I put it on the top of the shelf now everyone could see the picture perfectly. It was me and the person who was responsible for me being who I am now. I don't even want to think who I'd be if it wasn't for him. I wish he could be here right now, but I know that wherever he is, it's a better place.

"I never told you this but, you were the closest thing I ever had to a father" A single tear slipped and I quickly brushed it aside. I didn't want to cry now; I'm not into those emotional things. "I miss you Henry and I'll make you proud of me"

I didn't notice that Nanook was beside me, only when he started to lick my hand, I put the frame back to where I thought it was better.

"Ok buddy, no emotional stuff, I know." He barked and I was a little concerned that we could have those nosy neighbors that complain about any noise. I hope not, because my Labrador is very loud. I don't want to move. "Ready to see our new house?" he barked again and followed me on our own tour.

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There were some changes that I needed to do for the place, but nothing too expensive. Good thing because nurses don't get paid very much. I know I can do some of the things, like plumbing and stuff, but the electrical part; I'll have to hire somebody.

Today was my first official round at the hospital and Miss Murphy told me that I'd be assigned a doctor to keep things in check. So I waited at the nurse's station, and I could've sworn that some people were already giving me the eye. What, do I have green skin or something?

"Nurse Smith?" A young doctor came to me. She was very pretty, black hair and green eyes. Her badge confirmed me that she was the one I was waiting for.

"Yes. Good morning Dr. Knowles" We shook hands and she started to show me the procedures to the hospital, and some of the patients.

Later, I could say I was getting used to things. The hospital wasn't as big as the last one I worked, so I thought it would be easier. Little did I know.

"So, how do you like it so far?" Dr. Knowles asked me after we took a break to eat in the cafeteria. I noticed that I wasn't the only one to receive the glares from some people.

"Good. Actually, It'd have been better if I didn't feel like I stole someone's toy or something" She looked around, noticing the people that walked by "Do I have a mole on my forehead or a third eye?" She actually laughed louder when the bitch nurse from yesterday and some other nurses walked by.

"Yep, that's the people from Charming, alright. Judge first, ask questions later." I snorted and went back to my salad.

"That's pathetic. Are they all in third grade?" She smiled at me and when she rubs her belly, I realized something. She had made the same gesture my patient from yesterday had.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so stupid; I didn't realize you were pregnant. Congratulations!" She dropped her fork quickly and looked at me. Did I say something wrong?

"How did you…?" Wasn't anyone supposed to know about it? Damn, subtle as a horse Gilly! Way to go!

"I didn't mean to invade your space or anything Dr. Knowles, it's just you were covering your belly with your hands and I just assumed that…" It was never a good thing to step out of bounds with your superiors, everyone knows that and I just did.

"Oh no, it's ok. Just that…not a lot of people know yet, and I'd like to keep it that way. If you don't mind?" She smiled apologetically at me and we went back to our food. It's her right to decide when and who tell someone, it's her life. "You're very observant, not many people would have noticed that."

True. I guess when you spend your life watching more than talking, your senses adjust to that kind of thing.

"It's part of our job isn't it Doctor?" We laughed and when the second gang of bitches nurses walked past again I almost lost my appetite.

"Ok, I get it why they're looking at me that way, but why you?" I asked her and explained the situation from yesterday when she told me a little about her boyfriend and his current situation. I nodded, not saying anything, like I said, not my place to judge.

"Wait a second, you're that nurse that Milla was talking about yesterday, aren't you?" She explained to me that the woman I treated yesterday was basically her sister-in-law and that she's very protective of her, especially now.

"I don't think it's appropriate to scold someone that you don't even know. Especially when that person is pregnant and you're supposed to do your job, not gossiping around." This time her smile reached her eyes.

"Well then, I guess we'll get along pretty well Nurse Smith" I smiled too

"In that case, call me Nurse Gillian or Gillian" I winked and she laughed

"Call me Doctor Tara then, or maybe just Tara," She sat back and took a drink of her juice.

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**Review please, and I'll update faster**


	3. Part of My Job

**Another chapter! I'm glad with the positive feedback! Thank you!**

**But, I'm not getting many reviews, so I don't know what you think.**

**This chapter would have not been possible without the help of the super awesome MelanthiaChase. THANK YOU!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the SOA, they belong to Kurt Sutter; Milla, Chantal and Nurse Reynolds belong to MelanthiaChase. I only own Gillian, Dr. Stewart, Mitch and Gina**

Part of My Job

I survived my first week on my job! If you take the ugly stares, the nasty nurses and the bad staff habits such as stealing supplies from the food court, you can say I have the dream job.

I also discovered that I wasn't the only one receiving the cold shoulder. Doctor Tara always had the same problem. Instead, she was involved with a member of the motorcycle club; I only stood up for the president's daughter. So, I guess that was supposed to make me dangerous? Oh, please!

Even if I didn't want to, every where I went, there was always someone talking about the "Sons". At first I thought:" Wow, there are a lot of mothers in this town"; but then I learnt that their official name was Sons of Anarchy. I liked it, it's catchy.

It seems to me that thanks to them, the criminal element of this town if very low; but no one seems to openly admit that. It could've been worse; I come from a big city, where your least concern would be a motorcycle club. Besides, they could've been so bad. I mean, I've met Milla, and she's a sweetie pie. Tara is with them too, so what could possibly be the danger?

Life is good, I can't complain. I live in a nice town; have a decent job that I love, and a house that is turning to be my dream home. What more could I need?

Well, taking the house part; the electricity is still a pain and last night my shower broke so I had to take a really freezing shower to get to work. But I'm working on it. So far, every electrician that I found asks me for more than I can pay for a simple visit. I guess some things between a small and big town stay the same.

I began my first round of the day when I spotted the familiar face of the soon to be mother and decided to see her.

"Good morning Mrs. Ortiz. How are you feeling?" She smiled, but the person that was with her snorted. It was an Asian woman, taller, with strong features and very pretty.

"I already told you to call me Milla, Gillian. This is my friend Chantal Tao." I smiled politely to her and noticed that there was a chair missing from her room. I'd have to talk to my supervisor about this. What's the matter with this staff and a motorcycle club? I went into the hallway and grabbed a chair.

"Here you go Miss Tao. Sorry about that, we were changing the upholstery from some of our chairs yesterday and they must've forgotten about this room. I'm sorry about the inconvenience." This time she actually smiled and dismissed my apology.

"It's aright; I know it's not your fault nurse. Call me Chantal by the way" I shook her hand and from the corner of my eye I saw Milla smiling. Good, she liked this woman and it was my job that neither of them had any kind of disturbance.

"And how's my favorite mother is going?" I checked her results. Just a minor complication last week, but the doctor will change her dosage, and if that won't fix, we change her medication.

"We're fine. Esperanza is kicking harder these days. But that's only because my baby is getting stronger and she wants out. Isn't that right, Espy?" I think she was listening because the minute Milla put her hands on her stomach, her baby started to kick.

"I guess she's really listening to her mommy" I said and let the two of them enjoy this private moment. Slowly, I made my way to the door, carefully picking Milla's chart and putting on the right place when I felt something hot and hard hit me.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" I didn't look up to see who did it; all I cared about was getting the hot coffee off my uniform.

"It's all right sir, no damage caused. I'm ok." I didn't know the voice, but I knew it belonged to a man. I made an attempt to leave and change, but he seemed to think otherwise.

"Here, let me help you" When he tried it pick up my scrub top, to keep the coffee from my skin, I went into panic mode. I quickly disentangled myself from the door and went to the hallway.

"Sir, really, it's nothing. I'll just change, and…" I finally looked up and realized why I thought I hit straight to a wall. The man was much, _much_ taller than me with spiky blond hair, bright eyes and he was wearing a black leather cut. He must've been here to see Milla. But what caught my attention wasn't his physical. It was his smile. I thought bikers weren't supposed to have this kind of breathtaking smile. Wasn't part of the package being all serious and menacing? He wasn't supposed to be…well, like _this_.

What am I thinking? _Are you serious with this now Gillian! Focus!_

"I'm sorry; I'll be out of your way Sir. Mrs. Ortiz is in there." I got away from him and went to the get changed. Luckily, nurses were used to have things throw or vomited on us, so we always have a spare uniform. That's part of the job. I looked back once to see if the man was already inside. But no. he just stood there, looking at me.

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"First cup of coffee?" Tara saw me ad I knew she wouldn't spare the joke. I stretched the blouse for her.

"Yeah, at least now I'll be awake for the day." I winked at her and passed to change my shirt. Like I said part of the job.

A hospital is a special place in my opinion. But maybe that's because I work in one. Still, there are some things that you just can't ignore. It's a place of gains and lost; on a same space you have a death and a birth and that's pretty unique if you think about it. One time you're crying over joy and the next you're babbling over sadness. That's what happened to me today.

After I changed, I went to see one of my oldest patients. Mister Mutlock, he's 83 and ever since I got here no family member or friend has come to visit him. So I always spend extra time with him. He can't talk much because of the tubes, but he knows that I'm there and he tries to smile while I hold his hand and tell stories about my dog. Today I was going to tell him about how my roommate decided to eat all the flower seeds I'd bought to plant in my garden. It seemed that my dog was jealous of the attention I was giving and decided to finish the competition.

I opened the door and the nurse…Reynolds, I think, was removing things and shutting down the rest of the machines. I knew very well what it meant.

"What time did he die?" My tone was neutral. I was prepared for situations like this, but that didn't mean I wasn't used to the situation.

"At dawn ,five am; Nothing we could do" I nodded and helped her to gather the medicines and papers that were spread on the stand.

"Did someone call any close relative or friend?" She shook her head, and her face was shown no reaction or emotion. I didn't like her very much.

"They haven't found anyone. No family or friends." She finished and told me to follow "I guess that's just it. All his belongings are on this box. We'll put on the storage until we find someone" There was nothing I could do. He never told me a thing about his family, not even a picture. But that didn't mean he would be forgotten.

"Nurse?" Nurse Reynolds called me, giving me a new folder "Do your job" She gave me an icy glare and I followed my way. I really didn't like her. It's not the iciness about her, but sometimes people think that just because we see people dying almost everyday, we don't care. That's not true. What are we, robots?

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There's a part of the hospital that is very special to me. There are only a certain number of people allowed to be in there, but as long as they don't know, it won't hurt them. It's the children's wing of the burn unit. Most of the children had more than 20% of their body burned and a lot of them can't be fixed with plastic surgery. So, they stay on in this private wing with doctors and family until they're well enough to go home. Not all nurses are allowed to be in here, especially not the newbies. So this means I shouldn't be in here.

What can I say? I'm a rebel.

"There you are my little angels!" Today was day of group therapy. I met Doctor Stewart on my first day here and we made an agreement: As long as I didn't jeopardize the state of the children, I could be in here. Needless to say, it worked. He said that most the nurses or doctors are not as attentive as they should be, and the kids are doing much better now.

"Gilly! Where were you? Mitch said you wouldn't come today" Gina was an adorable 8 year old that got part of her back and arms burned. Her family was still in process of adaptation, but if they learn anything from their daughter, they'd be much better. I'll have to talk to them later. She's a very special kid.

"And leave Doctor Stewart here to play with you all? I don't think so!" They laughed and I set all of them on a circle. Every time I could come by unnoticed, Doctor Stewart and I set a puppet show for them. He said that this activated their creativity and they were more willing to cooperate with the treatment.

Even if there are some hard times, I love my job.

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**Ohhhhhhhh,who's the blond biker guy? ;)**

**Review please, or else, how will I know what you think?**


	4. My Damn Luck

**I'm really enjoying writing this story! And I'd like to dedicate this chapter to ****MelanthiaChase****. You rock!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the SOA, they belong to Kurt Sutter; Milla and Chantal belong to ****MelanthiaChase****. I only own Gillian and Penny.**

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My Damn Luck

Kozik's POV

Something was wrong, or it changed completely. I'm not sure which. All I known is that ever since I laid my eyes on that nurse from Saint Thomas, something..._clicked _inside me.

I know, I probably sound like a pussy now, but it's the only way I can explain it. I'd never seen her before, and when I did, it was like she just appeared out of thin air. She had this energy that pulled me towards her. Milla called it magnetism, but I think the name isn't quite right. I wasn't very good with expressing myself through words. Now, if you gave me someone to beat or shoot, then I'm your man.

Anyway, first I did the one of the stupidest things I could have ever done: I spilled coffee on her. Tiggy would've been proud! How could I ever be stupid enough to spill coffee on someone? Though, I think I'd have to thank that little misfortune, because it was the first time I saw her.

God, what's wrong with me? I sound just like a pussy, but she really was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. It wasn't just that, not only her physical beauty; it was the way she behaved in that situation. Most of women, even a few men, would be blushing and coming up with some lame excuse when I put on my best smile and then asked me for a coffee or something else. But not her. She didn't even make eye contact with me, not until I grabbed her scrubs, another dumb blond moment, of course. I just didn't want her to burn.

_The minute I saw those__ deep brown eyes, I knew I was doomed._

Tall, dark hair, stunning features, and a nurse! That was **never** my type! I like them short, blondes with a big rack, nothing more. I always considered myself a lucky man for always getting what I wanted .Now, I wasn't so sure.

I tried to talk to her, redeem myself, but unlike most times, she dodged every word I said. This never happened! Did Tiggy curse me or something?

I watched her, didn't even try to cover the fact that I was watching _her_…not the tiny nurse near the reception that was eye fucking me every time I came to see Milla. I admit, I always felt very proud of my Casanova title, now I wasn't so sure. What was it for?

"There you are! What took you so long?" Chantal asked while I finally closed the door and kissed Milla's forehead. Her belly had gotten bigger and bigger. I was never used to being around pregnant women, but that changed. I'd do anything for Mills, including being her nanny for a while. Chantal's voice broke into my thoughts, "Wait, where's my coffee?"

Shit, I forgot, the reason for my screw up moment wasn't even for me.

"You don't need coffee. I heard that it slows down your growth, and you're short enough as it is" Playfully, I pushed the hair of her face while she scowled at me. I gotta say, my first impression of Chantal was the same of any other porn star at Caracara, an easy piece of ass. But that changed the minute we started to get to know each other. She was smart, witty and took care over Milla, watched her like a hawk. So, this girl was under my wing.

"Oh, you so owe me a coffee, Ken" Ok, that was enough. As much as I adore these girls, there's a limit here. So far I'd met the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, dropped Chantal's coffee on her, made a fool of myself, and get called by Ken? I don't think so.

"You better watch what you say Mulan_" _It was on. I admit that if I wasn't completely clumsy around the nurse, which I can proudly admit that _never_ happened to any woman so far, I would be less bitchy about the whole thing. Unfortunately, it wasn't the case.

"Ok people, retract your claws. Pregnant woman here, remember?" Good thing Milla was here, or else I would've snapped at anyone by this point. _What's the matter with me? I'm acting like Tiggy._

"Sorry Mills. Chantal, I shouldn't have snapped at you like this. I'll buy you another coffee as soon as we get out of here" I couldn't risk doing the same thing if I found the hot nurse again. There's a limit to how much a person screw up in a day and I'd reached my limit.

"It's alright, Koz. I was just kidding. I didn't think you'd react this way" She gave me this questioning look, like Milla's.

"Yeah, why are you so jumpy all of a sudden?" Milla really is the little sister I never had. And even though she's younger than us, that girl can be the wisest of all of us when the time is right.

But, could I tell her? I don't even know what's wrong with me. All I know is that I feel different after I saw the beautiful, lustful, unique nurse…And I don't even know her name. I'm so screwed!

"Nothing darlin', just worried about the little princess, that's all" It wasn't a complete lie, but somehow Milla knew. She had that _I know that you're lying to me_ look. This also meant that sooner or later, she'd corner me into a wall and we'd have to talk about it. Like I said, a very wise woman, stubborn too.

* * *

"Alright, so we have ice cream, popcorn, shakes and…soy milk? Are you serious Chantal?" Milla was released earlier, so we decided to do a little movie night. Just the family. So Chantal and I were in charge of the food while Milla and Gemma were choosing the films. Knowing the Queen, we'd probably end up watching "The Godfather" trilogy.

"Ew gross, sorry, I got the wrong one. Go get the rest of the stuff and meet me at the meat section" She waved and I took a look at the grocery list. How did I end up doing housewife work? If my brothers could see me now. Whatever, I'm SaA, I can do anything I want and still look manly.

Ok, there aren't a lot of things missing, just some cookies and a women's magazine that Gemma asked. Who was I to say no? I wasn't really paying much attention to where I was going, just went into automatic mode. I couldn't stop thinking about her. What the fuck is wrong with me? Ever since I walked in, ninety percent of the female population started to show their cleavage, winked or blushed as I glanced their way. I'm Kozik, the ladies man! Why wasn't I start flirting with them like always?

I was so distracted with my train of thought that I let a bag of chocolate cookies fall from the shelf. They hit someone; the noise made me realized it.

And I just couldn't believe in my own damn luck

"Shit. I'm so sorry" I couldn't keep the smile from my voice right now. I must've been pretty good to deserve this luck. "I'm not throwing things at you on purpose swear" My unnamed beauty just shook it off and offered me the bag of cookies.

"It's alright sir. I'm sure you didn't mean to" Oh, no. She's leaving again. Is this the best time for my brain to leave me or what?

"Are you new here? In Charming I mean. I never saw you before. Not that I throw things at newcomers" _Are you serious with this crap Kozik?_

"Umm…Yeah, I'm new here. I'm a nurse, as you know" She's talking to me. Good.

"The uniform kinda gave you away" I smiled, and this time, it was genuine, nothing like the flirty grin that worked on 99% of women so far. Well, except _one_.

"Really? Oh shoot. I left my super hero costume in the laundry today" Smart and funny. I'm mesmerized; I can tell that woman is a handful.

"Kozik! Oh my God, is that you?" Shit, I didn't like the sound of that voice. I was going to continue my conversation with the beauty in front of me and maybe not try to make a fool of myself when I was engulfed by saliva and all I saw was a mass of red hair. "You disappeared sweetie! I thought you were going to pick me up after work."

"Hi Jenny" The situation couldn't be more awkward. The tiny woman was locking me with her arms around my waist and the woman I've been dreaming the whole day was about to leave. What did I do to deserve this?

"It's Penny silly. Since when do you forget my name? I thought I was _unforgettable?_" She tried to sound seductive whispering in my ear but the only thing that caused me was nausea. Jenny or Penny finally noticed that we weren't alone when I heard her cart.

"And who are you?" Her eyes were emotionless. I can't believe I hookup up with some porn star that treats people with so much disdain. Especially someone like _her_, she's a nurse! She deserves some respect!

"I'm…no one. I just want to get my chips and I'll be on my way" Before I knew it, she grabbed a bag next to the floor and sprinted away. I tried to go after her, but the red head's hold on me was stronger than I thought. I didn't hit women, but I was seriously considering an exception.

"Where do you think you're going? Aren't you going to help me practice my scenes?" If this was a different situation, I'd never say no to that. But I guess things are different now.

"Look Jenny, I think you're a great lay and all. But that's all you were. Sorry." I ran from there, looking from her, but there wasn't any sign of her.

"IT'S PENNY! AND I DOUBT YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE BETTER THAN ME!"

My damn luck.

* * *

"What are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to be helping with the groceries? I thought the bad bikers didn't hide from the hard labor" I puffed the smoke from my cigarette and went to help Chantal. This was a prospects job, but I wanted to get my mind off something. Guess it didn't work.

"Are you ok Koz? You're not your happy bubbling self today" She's right. I guess people can notice when my mood changes. That's what friends are for.

"Nothing to be worried about sweets. I'm just not feeling very well right now." Partially true. I was feeling like shit. How could I let her get away for some porn star whose name I can't even remember?

"Are you sick? Too bad that the nurse just walked by" No way. _It couldn't be. Could it?_

"The tall, Amazon like, blue scrubs nurse? Is she who you're talking about?" She nodded, like it was the most obvious thing.

"Yeah, she attended Mills the last two times we were in the hospital. Why?" I couldn't believe it!

_My damn luck!_

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	5. Movie Night

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**Disclaimer: I don't know the Sons of Anarchy, they belong to Kurt Sutter; Milla**** and Chantal belongs to the wonderful MelanthiaChase.I only own Gilly and Nanook.**

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Movie Night

Kozik's POV

I'm not usually like this. In fact, I'm the opposite, you know? Calm, collected, a ladies' man, that's me. But no. Since that "incident" at the market, Chantal has been giving me the eye, like she knew something was wrong with the ever so charming Kozik .She didn't say anything, but I knew it's just a matter of time before we got in the house, and she'd spill everything to Milla. _Women can't hold their tongues sometimes_.

I got out of the car first. Partially it was just a precaution, the other part was that I'm a gentleman, not to every woman, but Chantal was a friend and I know how to treat my friends. Besides, Milla would have my ass if I let her carry all the heavy bags. Besides, just because I'm covered in grease most of the time, drink, smoke and have sex with porn stars, doesn't mean that I'm not a good guy.

Inside Gemma's house, there was commotion: Lyla was there with the kids and Opie while Milla was helping Tara and Gemma to set the table, as much as she was able with her arm in a sling. I got a disapproving glare coming from our queen for being late, according to her schedule.

"What took you so long?" Ah, it's nice to feel loved. Especially when you have to be in two places at once as the only SaA available and nanny because you promised your brother you'd watch out for his wife. But I can't complain I love these girls and would do anything they asked. So I kissed Gemma's cheek and let it pass.

"The line was too long. Sorry girls" Chantal was a true friend. I wasn't in the mood for explanations tonight, not now. From the corner of my eyes I saw Milla and I knew that she knew something was up. I let them fix the groceries and went to get a beer on the fridge; hopefully no one would bother me for at least fifteen minutes.

I decided to stretch my legs a little and went outside where I could watch the stars without any girlish screams from the chick flick film they decided to watch. Opie didn't have a say in this. I don't think he would have said anything either. Ever since he and Lyla got engaged, things went pretty smooth for them. He deserved it. Like I said, I love them all, but sometimes, even the chipper Kozik needs something to put his head in the right place. I'm a good soldier. I've always done the job and always had my head on the right track. So, what's the matter this time?

I light up a smoke. I couldn't smoke inside, not with two pregnant women there, so I had to go somewhere else. I couldn't think now. Too much going on. I have to think something that can put my mind at ease. Porn always worked, why not now?

Nope, nothing. Am I a pussy now? This whole ordeal can't be just because…

_Her_

And I don't even know her name. I must be going crazy. I mean, I never had these kinds of thoughts before, so I must be getting sick or something like that.

_Maybe I need a nurse_

Fuck! That's not good.

"A penny for your thoughts? Maybe another brew?" The alone moment is gone. I was glad to have some company, especially from my favorite and only little sister.

"What are you doing outside? It's cold. Do you want me to get you a coat?" Yeah, I sounded like an overprotective parent. Sue me.

"No,_ mom_. I'm fine" Gracefully, well as gracefully as a woman about to pop could, Milla sat beside me on the porch and I put my arms out to support her.

"What are you doing out here all by your lonesome?" She always knew what to say. Even when she was a kid, she always ran to me and hugged my waist after we got back from a run while everyone else was with their old ladies. That's why I'm so protective over her. Because she was always protective over me "Are you ok, Koz? I don't like what I'm seeing"

"And what is that do you think you're seeing, little momma?" I tried to play it cool, but one of the few people that knew when I was being genuine and when I wasn't, was Milla.

"You seem…confused. What is it? You know I can help you" She's just so cute. Even with the weight of the world upon her shoulders, Milla still tries to help her friends. Was I confused? Not even I know for sure. So, how can she help me?

"It's nothing doll. I told you" We heard a shriek inside. Oh great, the guy must've blurted his heart out to the leading lady, or something "Besides, you know you're the first person I come to when I need advice"

And it was true. Younger than me or not, Milla was very wise and always helped me when I needed. Except this time.

"Now, let's go. I don't want my niece to get a cold because of her stubborn mommy" The credits were rolling when we got in the living room. Opie's kids were sleeping and Tara was sniffling. Oh man, pregnancy hormones. I'm so glad I'm not a woman.

"You're not going to let me watch another chick flick, are you? I'm not Ope Milla. I don't have the guts" I asked her playfully, and I saw Gemma scowl at me. Well, it could've been worse.

"No, you're good Koz. I got "The Crow" for us." Alright! One of my favorites.

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Gillian's POV

"Alright, alright, calm down! I got your food right here you little garbage disposal" I finally got my dog out of my groceries and went to the kitchen to set up things. My first trip to the market was, well…awkward. To say the least

I got everything I needed there. It wasn't far from my work, so I went straight there. It was smaller than I thought it'd be, but the prices were small too. So why would I complain? When I went to get some cookies was when things started to get…curious.

First of all, I was on my own, doing my business, not disturbing anyone. And then, out of nowhere, there's this big package of cookies dropped on me. That's twice on the same day! Do I have a bull's eye on my forehead, or something? But then I looked up and saw the culprit. I thought it was just a coincidence; it couldn't be the same person… But it was! The same man from earlier in the hospital. Still with those clear eyes, blonde hair, very, very tall, well built…

_YOU BETTER STOP IT RIGHT THERE GILLY!_

So, as I was saying, I thought this was common in a small town. We saw it all the time in movies and such. I even made a small joke and we started to talk normally. But then, a red haired woman, with more skin than clothes came over, and she started to practically grope him.

To say that I was uncomfortable being there would be an understatement. Maybe she was his girlfriend, maybe not. It's not any of my business. I was ready to leave when she turned to me and asked who I was. I got so nervous, I don't even know why! I mean, the market is a public place; I had every right to be there, as much as she did. But I still got nervous and had to leave quickly, before she put her hands inside his jeans. Children were already watching, and I didn't want to be in the middle of that.

I got out in a hurry. Thank God there was no one on the cashier, so it took me very little time to gather everything and march towards the door when I heard someone shouting. Well, it wasn't my name, so it could be anyone else. Maybe another porn star, because no secretary or school teacher dresses up like that. Small town or not

My point is why was I nervous? My palms started to sweat when I saw that man in the market. And I don't get nervous for everything. A new job? Yes. Moving to a new place? Yes. Having to find a cheap electrician? Yes. Not some random, but still incredibly attractive guy that you just saw twice and probably won't ever see again! In THAT case, I don't get nervous! **Ever**!

"Maybe it's the weather change. Yeah, that's probably what it is" I said to myself, but apparently my dog listened and started to bark. Poor thing, he was hungry.

"Fine, you win. Here's your reward" I set his bowl on the floor and went to pick a DVD. It was movie night and tonight it was Nanook's time to choose. He likes Steven Seagal movies a lot, I'm worried about that. I started to point to my selection;_ not Lassie please! _Ok, he's going to pick "Garfield", I just know it.

"Alright, if you're going to make me suffer, I'll pick one this time. Next week, you pick yours" He huffed and sat on his four legs, mocking me. And they say dogs are men's best friend. Well, mine likes to think that it is the boss.

Today was a long and strange day. So I needed t see a very good film. The one I picked couldn't be wrong. When I put the DVD on and the music started to play, my dog already knew what it was.

"That's right buddy" I scratched his ears, and he stopped to complain "The Crow, my favorite."

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	6. Milla the Wise One

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Gillian's POV

There are some things that, even after you gain some experience working as a nurse, you still can't believe it. For instance, I Just helped Dr. Connors with a patient that got run over by a car. It wouldn't be surprising, things like that happen, right? Well, the thing is that he got ran over by his own car, inside his own garage. Curious enough? It didn't stop there. His son was driving. His nine year old son. I know, I know, what the hell, right? That's what you get for trying to teach your son how to drive the family's mini van.** YOU DON'T TEACH A NINE YEAR OLD TO DRIVE, YOU MORON**. That's what I was dying to say, but of course, I didn't. It's funny, but I didn't. I'm too professional for that. Luckily, he only came out with a broken leg, and his son is fine. Guess he won't teach his son another premature stunt anytime soon.

_Oh,__ the wonders of being a parent._ I just hope not all dads are like that. At least I hoped Mister Ortiz wouldn't be like that. Milla doesn't seem like that type of reckless mother.

A hospital atmosphere can be very tense; it depends on the situation. Some people hold their tears and others just crack the minute the doors are opened. I understand them, and not because it's my job. It's partially because of that, the other is that I'm an emotional human being. Still, there are some people who just…get on my nerves. I'm not talking about the critical cases, of course not! I'm talking about the rich madams that come here, thinking they own the place just because husband number four has restored a wing from the hospital and because of that, they think they can scream at the top of their lungs so anyone can hear it, just because of a little bruise on their elbow.

That kind of people I don't like.

But, like I said, there are others. Like Mrs. Ortiz. She's a pleasant young mother, who's got more worries than most women her age, and doesn't take out on everybody. That's something to be proud of and Dr. Knowles too. I've seen the workers from this place gossiping about her and I've seen the way she handles the situation, especially being pregnant. People should pay respect for the work she's done, but that doesn't seem to be the case in here._ People like Milla and Tara I like, the gossipers, I don't._

I like to keep to myself, so I don't gossip about what I see and what I think I see there's a big difference there. Like this MC club Sons of Anarchy. I haven't been near their clubhouse or anything, but that doesn't mean I don't listen to what people say about it. Really, it's like their favorite past time here, to talk about the MC club. Geez! Don't they have laundry, a TV or something else better to do?

It's not my place to judge. I have more important concerns right now. For instance, my shower is broken now. This means that, even living in the sunny city of Charming I have to take a very cold shower before I go to work. So that only adds to my list of things I have to take care of. And I still didn't find an electrician.

I walked to the reception area to leave my charge when Nellie, the preppy and later I discovered, sugar addicted nurse, came bouncing to talk to me.

"Oh, thank God I found you Gillian" Even being so tense, her face never looked a day older than sixteen. How does she do that? Genetics, I think. Damn, some people just have it all. "I'm kind of running late with my rounds, and Millicent Ortiz just came here. Could you be a huge life savior and take this one for me, pretty please?"

Milla already had her appointment this week. Something was wrong. Quickly I grabbed her chart from Nellie and went to the designated room, ready to calm my patient or ease whatever pain she must be feeling.

Risky pregnancies were common in women with certain heart problems, like Milla's case. But everything seemed ok so far, what could possibly have gone wrong? I quietly knocked on the door. I always did that, because it's best to give the patients a feeling of privacy, even if there's someone with them, and also because I've already caught patients in "compromising positions" more than once. I heard her voice saying that I could come in.

"She's the only nurse in this hospital that does that" I heard her voice talking to someone else on the room. Milla was always accompanied by somebody. Which was great, especially for a pregnant woman. I was looking at her charts, so it was a surprise when I heard the voice of a male; usually it was one of her female friends.

"Is that so?" The unfamiliar voice said. I looked up and had to look up some more, because the man was taller than me. A very familiar blond man with a leather cut.

I almost dropped the chart. Not that I was thinking about seeing this man again, or not. But…now? He was grinning like a cat and I guess Milla sensed my discomfort, because no one was saying anything.

"Oh, how rude of me! Gillian this is Kozik, my friend. Kozik, this is Gillian, my favorite nurse." If possible, his grin was bigger than before and I decided the silent treatment. It wasn't like me.

"We've met before" I said offering my hand "Please don't throw anything at me" He laughed and shook it. There, my friendly part was done.

"Don't worry about it doll, nothin' around here to throw." He winked and let go of my hand. I hope he's not trying to be flirt with that Cheshire cat grin and calling me doll.

"Well…Good to hear then" I stood beside Milla so I could properly check on her. "Alright Milla, how are you feeling? I heard you weren't feeling so well." According to her latest charts, I couldn't see a thing, but it wouldn't hurt to ask. I mean, she can't be at the hospital for no reason, that's crazy.

"What?" I saw Kozik squeeze her shoulder. Maybe for reassurance "Of course! I'm not feeling very good. I think I have…a fever"

Her doctor would take only a few minutes so I told her to get some rest while I took her temperature. In situations like these, it's for the best of the patient to be in silence to relax. But her friend seemed to think otherwise.

"So, nurse Gillian right? That's a cool name." I checked her pulse and tried not to look to the tall biker. Can't he see that she's in a delicate situation? "My name is Kozik, well it's Ken…Ken Kozik"

I put the exam table into a more comfortable position and looked at him

"But…you already know that my name is Kozik" Maybe it's the pregnancy. It scares a lot of men to see a woman carrying a child. Go figures, maybe that's why he's rambling so much. "So, what is a sweetheart like you going to do when your shift ends?"

He is NOT trying to flirt with me! Does that really work? My patience was wearing thin now and thank God Milla started to cough. Maybe she wasn't feeling very well, maybe it was just for distraction to the awkward moment where I was supposed to melt into his smile or giggle, I'm not sure. But I silently thanked her anyway.

"Um, Gillian, could you excuse me and my friend for a minute? I need to talk to him" I got out, without saying a word. What was I supposed to do? Blush like a school girl because the big and strong biker trying miserably to flirt with me? Maybe it was some sort of fantasy of him. I don't care; I'm not going to fall into this.

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Kozik's POV

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Milla slapped my arm, hard. Even with her movements compromised, the kid can still beat the crap out of you. Good to know "_what is a sweetheart like you going to do when your shift ends? _That's the worst pick up line I've ever heard, and I'm married to Juice!"

True, I sounded like an idiot, and even worse is that I acted like one. Why did I do that? I wasn't thinking with my top head, I was thinking with my other head. I should've known better, she's not like other girls.

"Was that why you begged me to come here and fake my symptoms? To see you embarrass yourself in front of the first competent, respectful nurse this hospital has?" I let my head down in shame. Milla was right; in my mind I had everything planned: I'd swoop her with my charming and good looks and probably by the end of the day; we'd be in my bed at the club house, or her bed. I didn't care, I'm not picky. I'd tell her my amazing stories about how awesome I am and she'd be completely charmed by me. The plan was perfect, so what went wrong?

"What, do you think she's like a goddamned croweater?" She gave me a dumb look, and I knew she was right. Milla is always **right.** Even if I didn't want to admit it, she knew that I screwed up thinking Gillian was some easy chick. She isn't, and I didn't need Milla to tell me that. I just knew. So why did I fuck up like that?

I told Milla about my "genius" plan; and she did just what I expected: she laughed at me

"I can't believe in you sometimes Koz" She said between giggles "I mean, sometimes you really are **that** stupid" I should be offended, and I am, but I deserve it.

"Did you really think you could throw your charm at Gillian and get what you want, just like that? Oh, my friend, you are so clueless now. I feel kinda of bad for you." She patted my cheek and motioned for me to sit on her bed "I don't know Gillian that well. She doesn't talk a lot about herself. All I know is that she's new here and she's nice to the patients. Tara says that she's great with the kids and treats her with respect. I get this sense that she is a really great person and you know my senses are seldom wrong. So **please**, don't fuck up"

There, what I needed to hear. Milla is right; Gillian has this aura, or whatever shit they call it that is special about her. And if I really want to get things right, I need to set the Don Juan Kozik aside.

I have to start **now.** So I kissed my little Yoda's cheek and went outside to look for her favorite nurse

"Good to see you came back to your senses" Milla said to me while I was looking on the hallway, searching for her "And remember, don't fuck up. I really like this nurse and don't wanna have a problem with her because you're being an ass"

I smiled. Milla, the wise one. She always knew what to say.

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Gillian's POV

"Nurse, Nurse Gillian! Please, wait up!" I didn't want to turn around. Oh no, it was embarrassing enough the one time. And I really didn't need that. So I put my most professional face and looked up

"Yes, Mister Kozik, is there anything I can do to help?" I knew I sounded like a clerk, but what better way to change subjects? I saw him cringe when I called him mister. Good. I wanted it to be clear that I wasn't like the girls he's used to "flirting" with; like the one from the store.

"I guess I deserve that. Listen, Milla is alright now, she's taking a nap" My expression softened and I nodded, she's fine. That's the only thing that matters.

"Good, I'll ask her doctor to check on her. She'll be there in a few minutes" He nodded and I was about to leave when I saw him lift his face to say something

"I wanna to apologize for the way I acted. I was a real jerk" Ok, that's the first time I hear man, especially one that's supposed to be a total bad ass, apologizing. It's nice and probably foreign for him to tell me that. "It's just that, sometimes I get nervous and I start talking shit and, things just go out my head. Or...my mouth"

The intention was genuine, even though he was starting to ramble again. I better step up or else he'll say nonsense.

"Apology accepted." I smiled when he accidentally let a glass of water nearby, fall on the floor "Don't worry about that"

I smiled when he tried to pick up. Ok, I admit, it was cute. Not that I was going to say that out loud.

"Good, and please, call me Kozik, not Ken. Ken is just so…" He made a disgusted face and this time I laughed.

"Too Barbie for your own good?" I imagined that this was the reason. He nodded when a little kid that was visiting her grandmother came with a Barbie doll in her hands. It was funny, because the woman from the market looked like a cheap version of one.

"It's all good. Don't worry; I won't buy you the Barbie mansion. I think it's too pink for your taste" This time, his smile was genuine and I saw something in his eyes that I never saw in a man before, I can't described it exactly, but it was genuine, and it made me feel good.

"Aw, thanks. I guess I'll take the pink car and paint it black later" We could've go on about the doll furniture, but that'd be too creepy after the little girl passed again and looked at us like we were crazy. Maybe, we were. But it was nice to have someone to talk to about crazy things.

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	7. The Nurse and the Patient

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**I couldn't do this chapter without the amazing ****MelanthiaChase. **

**This**** chapter is focus on Gilly and Koz. I hope you like it.**

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The Nurse and the Patient

Charming is a good town to live in. I haven't had time to see every piece of it yet, but on my first day off, I plan to. There's too much to choose from: markets, the city library and one movie theater. Ok, so maybe not so many places to choose from, but it's still nice. Besides, I don't need to leave the hospital much to meet new people. Now, I know this is an excuse for a workaholic, but it's true. Apparently, most of the townspeople spend at least one day of the month here for some reason or another.

Those were my thoughts as I entered the room on the second floor where a sixteen year old was playing with her IPod and cell phone. I can see she's a busy girl.

"Good Morning Miss Dell…"My smooth talk wasn't enough for her. Apparently she was one of those teenagers that have nothing on their minds and think that _Transformers_ is a real.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

"Oh my God!" I had to hide on the nurse's room that was currently empty, to let out some of my stress. Some things are just unbelievable! Not only was that girl part of the "I don't know…"generation, she's pregnant! Could it get worse?

Yes, it could. She told me that she's thinking of, quoting the dumb kid, "_I don't know dude, I want to see how much my baby is worth. They do sell babies on e-bay, right?_" She'd be perfect for "16 and pregnant".

So, after I tried my best to be polite and talk to her, I managed to get a name. I called her aunt and explained the situation. Currently, I'm waiting for her to come and we'll talk along with a social worker. All that went smoothly but I had to get out of the room when she started to scream that Jersey Shore was on. It was just too much for me.

So, in order to calm down a bit, I went to one of my favorite places in the hospital: the nursery wing. What can I say? I'm a softie and help there with the newborns every chance I can. As I look at them I can't help to think on why someone would do any harm to such precious creatures. They depend on their parents, the moment they arrive, and still, some people like to play God with their lives, just like that. And that's why my blood boils when I hear that some child had unprotected sex and now is thinking of selling her unborn child to the highest bidder.

Some of them are still sleeping; the rest that is awake is too much concern about here they are or why this is light so bright. That's why the staff of this particular sector has to be well trained and patient. Because taking care of a child is nothing but easy. And I love it.

"Hi there, little guys" The room was clear and the nurse that was behind the glass was talking to the doctor in charge, so it was just me, talking to them "You guys are so beautiful."

One of the girls in the front smiled at me. I swear, that's nothing more beautiful than a toothless baby laugh. I laughed too

"Well, aren't you just the cutest button?" I was so absorbed with the children that I didn't notice a tall figure appeared beside me. Only when more kids started to smile, I turned around and saw the reason of their happiness.

It was Kozik. He was making faces for them. This was surprising, because I never imagined a tough biker entertaining children like that. Only when I laughed a little his attention was on me. I swear I stopped to breathe for a second when he smiled at me. And that's so not me!

"So, here's where you hide. I can't say I blame you for picking here" There was no one on the hallway now, and I wasn't scared by him. I don't think I was supposed to be either. Why, because he's a part of a MC? Ohhh, scary. No, he proved to me that I can keep a conversation with him without screaming from the top of my lungs. Or him throwing something at me.

"Good morning Kozik, how are you?" I smiled and all the tension that could possibly be there was gone "Is everything alright? Is it Milla? But, I saw her just…"

Yeah, I'm worried about her. So what? He quickly noticed my panic and assured me that everything was fine with Milla. So, why was he here?

"Oh, that's good then. Are you here to see someone?" Maybe that fake Barbie from the market? Of course I didn't say that.

"What? Oh, no, no. I'm not here to see anyone" He looked uncomfortable. The way he scratched his head and moved his foot proved me that. "Actually I'm here to see you"

What? I'm not used to these sudden visits, what could he want with me?

"I kinda have this…pain on my neck and I was wondering if you could take a look." Oh, so that's what it's about. Ok then, it's my job. No biggie. Besides, he looked so cute with his head aside, with those puppy dog eyes…

YOU BETTER STOP IT RIGHT THERE GILLIAN!

God, what's wrong with me?

* * *

I guided Kozik to an empty room after we said our goodbyes to the little ones. I'm not sure if it was my imagination or not, but he had the same look I know I have when he looked at them.

When I told him that he could sit on the bed, the room was too small and our currently lack of furniture was a problem, he started to take off his cut.

"Oh, there's no need for that Kozik." He looked disappointed and I hoped my cheeks weren't as flushed as I thought they were "Didn't you say that the pain was in your neck."

He laughed a little, and I started to wonder that he wasn't feeling any pain at all. But that'd be stupid. Aren't all biker's bad ass and tough? So if he's here, he must be in real pain. He wouldn't be here for any other reason.

"Oh yeah, it's just…habit I guess." Maybe he's just afraid of hospitals, that's why he's not making any sense. That's completely normal.

"Hey" I touched his shoulders and he looked up at me "I'm not going to throw anything at you, ok?"

When I winked he let the air he was holding out. Good, maybe he won't feel so nervous anymore.

"Let's see what we have here." Gently, I touched his neck for any sings of marks or bruises and I felt that he was having a hard time to breathe "Are you alright Kozik?"

He wasn't supposed to be so nervous. It's just a little red mark behind his neck. Why does he seem so breathless?

"I'm alright, just" When he licked his lips, I felt very conscious of our proximity "You have soft hands."

I smiled again. He didn't seem like the Don Juan from before or most of the creeps that try to hit on to the nurses. So I accepted his compliment and decided to hear his heartbeat, just in case.

"Ok, I'll just hear your heart beat for a moment. I just want to check out something." He nodded and I thought it went back to normal, but when I passed the stethoscope under his shirt, it started again "Are you sure you're feeling ok?"

I looked up just a little to meet his piercing gaze and, unlike the other times, I wasn't nervous.

"When you have a beautiful woman that close to you, listening to your heart, you tend to lose a little control." I know I was supposed to stay mad at his lame attempt of flirt, but I don't what, it was different now. Maybe it's because he's not the jackass I thought he was or the fact that I don't take his flirting seriously anymore.

"Alright Romeo, you're perfectly healthy." I went back to my notepad and wrote him an ointment recommendation for the pain; over the counter since only doctors have the power to prescribe "It's nothing to worry about. Just use this for a week and then, if the pain continues you come back" He nodded. I was still curious

"Can I ask how you got this?" I touched the red spot behind his head, but he didn't flinch like I thought he would. I mean, he's in pain, he's supposed to flinch

"I…let a frying pan fall." On the back of his head? How did that happen? Of course I wasn't going to push any further. It's not my place to ask and I didn't want to be known as the "nosy nurse". So, I let it go and said my goodbye.

"Wait, are you leaving already?" I'm sure he didn't mean to sound so desperate, and I shouldn't be staying longer, my job is done, so…

"Actually, I'm on my break." WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? So what if it's my break? It's not like he's going to ask me for a coff…

"Great! Would you like to get a coffee with me?"

_Oh man…_

* * *

I knew I wasn't supposed to sit with him and drink coffee. I don't usually do that. Actually, I **never** do that. I stay on my own and enjoy my break. I like the way things are. It's…enjoyable. But, for some reason that my brain can't seem to capture this moment, I'm here at the food court with a patient, drinking coffee! How did that happened?

"So, I take it you're not used to have people talking to you." His smooth tone took me out of my reverie and I smiled, ashamed. He was right, what else could I say?

"Sorry, just thinking about a patient from earlier." He put his left hand on his heart, pretended to be offended.

"You were thinking on other patient than me. Shame on you Gillian." This time I laughed. Quickly, I discovered that Kozik, or Koz like he wanted to be called, was outgoing and easy to talk to. Not the kind of man I expected to be a part of an MC.

"Don't look so down Koz, you know you're my favorite patient." I knew I was pushing boundaries by being so straight forward. But I was only kidding, and he knew that.

"So, are you going to say what's on your pretty mind or will I have to use my charm on you?" This time I laughed loud. We both knew that his "charm" wouldn't work on me. But it was cute that he was concerned enough to try.

"I can't, sorry. Patient confidentiality." He understood and backed out. Not a lot of people do that. They just keep pushing until we give in. I don't like those kinds of people.

"It's ok, you don't need to tell me everything." I gave a little smile and took a sip of my coffee. He started to talk about Milla and his friends, his brothers, whom he considered his family. It's nice to hear someone talk about other people like that. It's not everyday that we hear that. It seems that he's very close to Milla and sees her as his little sister.

"So, what about you? I feel kinda tired with my monologue about me and how awesome I am." I smiled with him, but it didn't reach my eyes. I was perfectly fine with Kozik talking about himself, his friends and his work. But when the focus is on me, that's a different story.

"There's not really much to say." He didn't seem satisfied with my answer. I wouldn't be either "I was a kid, then I grew up, became a nurse and now I'm here."

I took another sip of my coffee. It was beginning to get cold, and the taste was nasty by then.

"So, that's it? Do you really think I bought that?" Ok, remember when I said about Kozik not being the nosy type? I was wrong. "You know, it's getting late, I better go back to my shift and…"

But I didn't even have time to get up. He was holding my arm, loose but still firm.

"No, please stay. Look I'm sorry, I didn't mean to butt into your business like that." We were both up by now and people started to stare. I guess they're not used to seeing a nurse and a biker together taking a coffee "I don't know what came over me. Curiosity I think. Let me just make it up to you."

I decided to give him another chance. He was after all being nice, and I still had 20 minutes left. So, why not?

"Ok, but only because you have a puppy dog look more realistic than my dog does." His eyes seemed to lift up when I said I was going to stay.

"Do you have a dog?" He sounded like a kid on Christmas. Really cute "I love dogs!"

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**Cute,right?Review and I'll let you know what happens next.**


	8. A trip to the Mechanic

**Thank you ****MelanthiaChase for helping me so much!**

**I don't own The Charming Gazette, Milla or Chantal .They belong to my super beta MelanthiaChase. I only own Gillian and Nanook.**

**So, this is a cute chapter. I hope you like it.**

**Also, my birthday is coming, so if you want to send me a gift, then review. I'll be very happy!**

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A trip to the Mechanic

Gillian's POV

Today is my first day off. I'm not very used to days off, but I don't complain when I finally do have one. I decided to take my free time to explore this lovely town. First, I took a walk with Nanook through the streets and I was planning to extend our walk, but he got tired and after I fed him, so I took him home to sleep. Lazy dog. So now, I was on my own, watching the towns people walk by, enjoying a nice cup of tea, below a tree. It's nice, this small town feeling. At least I don't have to worry about being robbed every time I turn around a corner. So far, so good.

I'm not a cold person. I'm not. I'm just not the overemotional type of woman. Never was. But that doesn't mean that I don't have my moments. For instance, as I'm on my own, enjoying my tea and reading _Charming Gazette,_ the town newspaper, it's a decent source of news. I saw a bunch of couples walking by, hand in hand, just enjoying the company of each other. My heart doesn't flutter with butterflies or start to curse at the happy couples. I just…stare.

I can't help but wonder how nice it must be to be able to have that. Some couples are teens while others are walking with their grandchildren. The feeling is not something you can generalize or measure. It's different for each individual.

What am I doing, thinking about rainbows and butterflies? Oh well, I guess we all have our moments.

I don't hate my life or anything like that. Considering where I come from, my life is **perfect**! I'm not going to sit around a corner and cry, cursing at the wind to why I'm alone. That's just plain stupid. Besides, I've already tried the whole relationship thing, and it didn't work. So I'm done with this romance thingy.

"A penny for your thoughts?" I was so engrossed in my own world that I didn't notice the tall figure in front of me. That seemed to happen a lot lately

"Geez Koz, don't do that!" he laughed and sat beside me on the bench coincidentally, the four people that were there too, stood up at the same time. So we were alone now "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

I finished my tea and he made a face.

"Don't even think in offering me that" He smelled my cup and faked a vomit "That drink is for pussies and chicks. It'll ruin my reputation" Oh, here we go. Ever since we talked the other day at the cafeteria, Kozik's presence has been more constant at the hospital. Especially at my lunch break, this is weird because I don't know how he guessed when I took my break. If there's one thing I learned about him so far is that, even if he tries to pretend that he's all macho and mighty, he'll do anything you ask. Well, if you're Milla at least.

"Oh yeah? I'll tell Milla you said that" For a second I thought he was going to think I'd say another name, but whom, Chantal? I discovered that the "Barbie" that he was with, was out of the picture for a while. Not that I mind or was any of my business. But the thing with Kozik is that he's always telling me things about his life, whether I ask or not. Which is a relief since he doesn't go asking personal questions about me anymore. So, our silent agreement is good the way it is.

"Oh, I'm so scared now." The thing is with those bikers, or Kozik at least, his whole tough guy façade doesn't convince me, or at least, he's not doing a very good job at it. "What are you doing here now, anyway? Shouldn't you be getting drunk or something? I mean, it's your first day off"

How did he know that? It can't be that obvious! I shake the little leaves from the tree and looked at him

"How did you know it's my first day off?" GOTCHA! His caught in the act expression is funny, but not more than his stammering. Like a kid caught doing something he knew was wrong. He gripped the bench and got up a little too quick, and almost fell off balance.

"I…well. It is obvious that it's your day off. You never went to the park before" Point taken, it's true. But, how did he know I never went to the park before? You know what? Never mind. I don't understand people sometimes, and it's impossible that Kozik was following every step that I made, so this must be just some coincidence." Right, ok, let's get out of here. Those leaves are entering in weird places of my shirt"

He stumbled backwards and I knew he was right. After all, a tough guy like the biker Kozik can't have a big bad leave entering on his shirt. That's just too annoying!

We walked a little back to my car and I can honestly say that I did like his company. He doesn't push or, like I originally thought, is full of himself. Well, not **that** full of himself. He's a nice person to be around. Not that I've ever had that much attention before. It's…nice. I was ready to make a quick judgment about him. Not about his MC, but him, with his little stunt of trying that awful flirting with me at the hospital. But, after that day, things took a different path. He started to talk differently, and act differently. We didn't spend too much time together; I barely leave the hospital, so he only appeared on my breaks and today in the park. Actually, this was the first time we met outside the hospital. And it's a relief to say that he didn't change.

"Well, here we are. I deliver you safe and sound to your carriage M'lady." He bowed in front of the car and I felt myself blushing a bit. Ok, that was incredibly corny and people were passing by, but it was a cute gesture. "The truck is over there, I was doing a job, and so I'll just…Oh shit"

I followed his eyes to my tires and saw that my two front tires were sliced by some sort of knife. I couldn't believe it!

"Who would do that?" I almost cursed out loud! Why would anybody slice a stranger's car? That's just mean! "First the electrician, and now this? Come on!"

I forgot that Kozik or anyone was near and started to lose it.

"I work my butt off, every day, to help people, and this is what I get? SON OF…"I froze when I felt to strong arms circled me and started to hyperventilate.

"Hey, come on, it's alright. We'll solve this" Who's saying that? I guess he realized that I wasn't moving and stopped "Are you ok Gillian?"

Oh, it's Kozik.

"Yes, why are you hugging me?" My thoughts were calmer now so I could think straight.

"Because you were about to freak out and it was the first thing I thought to do" He was still holding me._ Why_?

"Ok, can you stop now?" He let go of me, probably confused, as I stared at the ground "I just don't like people touching me"

Yes, I'm a nurse. And yes, I know that it does require physical contact. But being held against my will is another thing entirely.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know…"I had to interrupt him before things got more awkward.

"It's fine. Do you know any number of a cab? When I get home I'll think of something to do with my car" When I picked my cell, he looked at me like I had two heads. Then he motioned to the tow that says _Teller Morrow Automotive_. Oh…

"I knew that" I put the phone back and marched towards the truck "I was just testing you"

Man; I can be so stupid sometimes!

* * *

Kozik's POV

"_YOU SLASHED HER FUCKING TIRES? SERIOUSLY? HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU_?" Ok, so maybe I didn't do the right thing but, come on, can you blame me? It was the only way I could get her to sit with me and talk! And no, it's not that I'm being a stalker, I just happen to know her lunch breaks and days off. Thank you Tara! So, when I saw her car, all alone, with no one staring, and my favorite nurse, looking the other way, I had a plan. And so far it was working pretty well. "_YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!" _

The next part was to call Milla and let her know that I was bringing Gillian over to the garage. The kid was the mirror of her mother; she made me tell her about my little mischief, and now I'm deaf in my left ear.

"What do you want me to do, Mills? It was the only way" Good thing Gillian was already inside while I finished towing her car. I can't believe she didn't hear Millas powerful scream over the phone. She kept yelling at me, but I wasn't paying attention to her anymore. I was too busy on the brunette that now was in my truck .Follow her steps and slashing her tires was worth it. What can I say? I'm a desperate man.

"Koz? Are you there?" Milla still sounded mad at me, but she'd have to wait. The car was hooked up and I was more than ready to drive my brunette beauty to TM "Don't you dare hang up on me!" Bye Milla.

I entered the cab with a wide smile splitting my face in half, but I couldn't hide it. How many times have I dreamed of this day? I was happy!

"Ready to go?" She nodded as I started the car.

Everything was going according to my plan. I just hoped little Gemma doesn't spoil things for me and my soon to be Old Lady.

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**Review please**


	9. The Proposal

**Thanks to my beta MelanthiaChase.**

**I don't own Milla or Chantal,they belong to MelanthiaChase. I only own Gillian and her dog.**

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Kozik's POV

After my little screw up, I was very careful not to touch Gillian. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I mean, we were trapped in a Cage; a _very tiny_ space. Someone upstairs must be laughing at me. Still, it didn't take too long before both of us were comfortable again. Actually, the mood quickly changed after I sat on the driver's side.

"Took you long enough. What were you doing, slashing my other tires?" She was joking, of course, but that didn't stop me from sweating from jitters. She didn't suspect anything. Did she?

"Yeah, right. Like I could ever do that to a beautiful girl like you." This time, she was the one who bumped our shoulders and I was instantly at ease again. God, how did I ever survive all this time without this woman?

"Oh please, Don Blond Juan. I know you couldn't do that." I should feel bad, but her smile is just too distracting for me to feel miserable about something that allowed me to be sit beside her. It was just too good to be true. And besides, she called me Don Juan. That's gotta count for something, right?

We spent very little time enjoying the comfortable silence with classic rock on in the background. But it seemed that neither of us wanted to silence to last. At least that's what I think. So, when I started to talk about movies, she jumped right into the conversation.

"Terminator? Really?" She shook her head, as if she didn't believe in me. I was a big fan of the film, only the first one.

"What? The directors have the tendency to ruin their work with sequels. You don't believe me?" We started a heated argument about classic movies and I could honestly say I was getting my ass kicked by her, and I loved it.

"What about Big Trouble in Little China? Now that's a good action film." It was one of my favorite films too, but I wasn't going to let her win this easily. I wouldn't back from a fight, even if that person is the object of my affections. "It is! Don't tell me you've never see it?"

The way she scrunched her eyebrows was so cute, I had to laugh

"What, never had a girl talking about action movies before?"She asked, the cute look still on her face.

"Well, it's not something I'm used to. Unless you're Milla, of course. I swear that girl watches nothing but horror and action movies." Then, to prove her point she gave me a full list of action movies. From John Wayne to Jackie Chan. I have to say that I was impressed. And, unlike most women, she wasn't speaking of the movie just because "the actor is cute", like I hear most of the time. She paid attention to every detail. Just my kind of woman.

When we started to compare films, I thought she wasn't going to respond. Being a personal question and all, but I guess she was so deep on our talk that she started, that or she didn't care what she answered.

"I bet you're a fan of _The Lost Boys_" I said, not sure if she was going to keep talking or not. It was a bold move, but I had to do it.

"And how do you know that?" To my unbelievable luck, she did talk, and we both had huge smiles on our faces.

"You just look like a fan of the film" She didn't seem like she believed me, so I continue "That, and the fact that you have a dog named after the dog from the film"

Yeah, I noticed that. So, what?

"Do you remember that?" Oh my God, she blushed! I thought I couldn't do that to her! YES! "What can I say? They don't make classics like that anymore"

She was right. Last night I spent the evening with Opie's kids since Milla wanted to watch the kids for the night and they were watching some weird, dumb movie about talking babies. Besides being awful in every aspect that I can think of the way they moved those babies mouths was very creepy.

"Besides, they're called classics for a reason. Like _The Crow_. It's my favorite." WHAT? No way man, I just hit the jackpot! She must've noticed my dumbstruck face, because my mouth was gaping.

"Are you serious? It's my favorite movie too." She didn't believe me, or pretend that she didn't. So I started to quote movie lines that convinced her.

"_It can't rain all the time_" We said together, and just like that, our smiles were back.

* * *

"Come on; give me the directions so I can drop you at your house. You can pick up your car tomorrow at my place." I was grinning like the Cheshire cat, and I couldn't care less about it.

After our declared movie battle was over, I found her place. It looked like a nice, neat house. Definitely not a biker's house, well a single biker. I wonder if she'll let me in.

"Safe and sound." I noticed that she was fidgeting a lot with her keys and my voice startled her.

"Yes, thank you!" She said a little too quickly for my taste, but recovered before I could say anything. "I'll drop by the garage tomorrow then."

I made my **best **lost puppy eye, practically begging _let me in_, but she wasn't buying it.

"The house is a mess right now. I can't have any visitors until I clean the whole thing." Understandable, not like I cared; she could live inside a mountain and I'd still think it's a castle, but still.

"Of course" I didn't say anything, delaying her the best I could. She seemed to be thinking the same, but when she was going to say something, a loud bark from inside startled us.

"Well, my roomie is calling me" She jumped off, not giving me time to open the door for her "Thank you Kozik. I'll be there tomorrow"

When she flashed a bright smile, I was pretty sure that when I started to drool. Damn

_I can't wait for tomorrow._

* * *

"Man, you've got it bad." Chantal told me before she left the house that morning to go to work. Ok, so I didn't get much sleep last night. So what? That's completely normal. And so what if I happen to talk a little about her when Lyla and Ellie asked me at dinner last night, I might have said more than I was supposed to. But, what's the problem? It's not like they'll use that against me. My thoughts were disturbed when I saw a cab stop by and Gillian get out. I should've told her that I was going to pick her up, but Gemma threatened me to go pick another car early in the morning. And the Queen still scares me.

God, how can she be so beautiful without even trying? The way the she moves, talks and smile is never like I've ever seen. Maybe Chantal is right, I've got it bad.

"Gillian, hi!" I'm always that chipper in the morning, so nothing suspicious there.

"Morning Koz. Is everything alright?" Was she worried about me or her car? I guess I'll never know because my speaking ability seems to malfunction when she's around.

"Yeah, yeah. You can go right ahead. I'll just check on something in the garage and I'll meet you inside." She nodded as I watched her walking to get the papers. I'm not the most organized person, so I'm pretty sure Milla knows where they are. I wasn't aware of my surroundings, but when I heard a whistle beside me, I was in my full bad ass mode.

"Man, who's the chick? Look at her, she's got legs that go all the wa…"Miles, the soon to be ex-prospect didn't have a chance to finish as I punched his face. "What the hell man?" His nose was bleeding, good.

"You don't ever, _ever_, look at her or talk about her like that. Do you understand me prospect?" I grabbed his cut, when Phil went to intervene; one look was enough for him to back off. "I may be a nice guy, but if you, Phil or anybody else try to be funny like that,_ I will kill you_"

Good thing he understood that I was serious .I've never been more serious on killing someone before. I let him go as Phil pick up the messy, bloody prospect.

"Sorry Kozik, we didn't know it was your nurse" Phil wasn't even looking at me. I knew I was probably fuming with anger, at least these two got the point. No one messes with _my_ nurse. No one.

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Gillian's POV

Ok, my car broke and I probably was supposed to be mad at this whole situation. But, I'm not. Lucky for me, Kozik found me and took me to the garage, where he said he can fix my tires in no time. So really, this was lucky situation. And besides, he's a nice guy to hang out.

I rang the doorbell of the place and, to my surprise; I face the now familiar Mrs. Milla Ortiz.

"Milla? You live here?" I've always heard stories about small towns, but this was too much. Talk about coincidence!

"Yeah, have for a while." What would she think of me, coming here with Kozik? That's not an impression I wanted to cause. "What can I help you with Gillian?"

She was rubbing her belly affectionately and I could only wonder how great a mom she'll be when her daughter is born.

"Umm, it's about my car. Koz said I could pick up some paperwork here since I couldn't make it to the garage." Great, now I'm blushing like a teenager only to say his name! Seriously, what's wrong with me? I just hope Milla didn't notice.

"Come in, I'll check for the paperwork." I followed her to the living room ""Sit down; I'll be with you once I find it."

I made myself comfortable while she went to get the papers that Koz said I needed it. Seriously, it was extremely lucky for me to have found him. What were the odds for me to find a mechanic that just happened to be passing by with his truck? If I didn't knew better, I'd say that was suspicious, even. I took a better look at my surroundings and noticed a huge flatscreen in an entertainment system with several game systems spread out around it with games and what looked like movies filling the shelves. Somebody liked to play, a lot, if you ask me. Complete nerd system. I liked it.

"I found it." She said as she came back to me and handed me a folder. I thanked her, but couldn't take my eyes of the entertainment center.

"Thanks. Do you use all that stuff?" I wasn't a complete geek, but technology always interested me.

"I don't but the kids are here all the time and Koz likes to play on the Xbox and have Mario Kart tournaments with Chantal. I can't really participate with this." And why wasn't I surprised? I saw her arm and nodded. It wasn't easy to be on her situation.

"I'm being a terrible hostess, would you like something to drink?" the last thing I wanted was to be inconvenient. Milla was already kind enough being a good host.

"Don't put yourself to any trouble on my account." But she wasn't having any of that. I realized that when Milla wanted something, she got it.

"No problem, the kitchen's just through that door. We have bottled water, different kinds of soda, orange, apple and grape juice and of course brews. Anything sound good?"

Of course I didn't want her to do anything that required physical exercise, but the look on her face was that someone who wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"I guess I'll have some water." I said, smiling, as she went to pick my drink.

I heard a bike pull in and waited for Milla to come back. Of course you'd hear a vehicle sound from time to time, so I look around, waiting for her. It was a very organized place ,pretty nice little two story with cracked mortar and yellow paint peeling from the walls with an ugly blue trim, neat, with a few pictures and lots of papers and technology. Whoever set it up must've spent a long time organizing everything. I didn't touch anything, I'm not that curious, but it was nice to look at such a homey environment.

A few minutes later, an adorable little girl, with a nasty purple eye came in. She was fuming, but got calmer when she noticed me.

"Hello" I smiled at her, and she seemed more at ease. This kid looks like she was ready to jump at anyone that tried to cross her. Good, I liked that.

"I'm Ellie Winston, Opie's daughter" She held her hand like a grown up. She wanted to be treated as an equal or she was scared to show herself at me. I didn't know who Opie was but I shook her hand. Koz and Tara had mentioned an Opie before so I guessed he was part of the club.

"It's nice to meet you Miss Winston. I'm Gillian Smith, nurse at Saint Thomas. It's a pleasure" She realized that I wasn't going to scold her like some brat, so she decided to give me a vote of trust. Soon enough, she was babbling like a girl from her age when I mentioned the twins from _The Suit Life of Zack and Cody._

"Do you watch it too? It's so cool! What about that episode when…"I only agreed and chimed in occasionally. She was ready to tell me everything, and maybe that's what she needed, someone to listen to her. But, quicker than I thought, she changed the focus of her conversation.

"Gillian, nurse at Saint Thomas. Hey, wait a minute! Are you the one who Uncle Koz is always talking about?" I froze on the spot. What?

"Are you gonna marry Uncle Koz?"How old is Ellie? And why was she asking me this? I couldn't form a sentence because my vocal chords weren't working.

"Umm, ah I. don't..." It was the only thing I could come up with. Surely she was confusing names.

"If you don't that's ok. Aunt Milla didn't marry Uncle Juice for a long time and Uncle Bobby hasn't married any of his girlfriends. You should have a baby though, they're fun and Espy and Abel are gonna need friends who understand this life. I'm Espy's Auntie, it's my job to make sure she's happy and I know she'd like any kids that you had. Don't have a boy though; they don't know how to be anything other than asses." Ellie seemed like a caring girl, worried about her friends and family. But she didn't know what she was talking about when she referred to me.

"Elizabeth Marianne Winston, language." Only now I realized that Milla was back. Thank God! I don't think my face could be redder. Where was Kozik, anyway?

"It's true, they are!" Forget that, I was redder now. "If you want a baby, just have sex. It's the only way to do it. That stork stuff is bullshit." Dear Lord…

"Ellie! That's enough! Watch your language. You don't talk like this in school do you?" I love kids! I was used to them. But, there are times like _this_ that they really can get to you.

"No I don't. Grampa says that there's a time and a place for bad language and school isn't the time or the place. Lyla doesn't mind if I swear." I'm in no place to say anything, but what kind of education her parents give her?

"Well I do, why don't you go to the nursery and check out the new rocking chair Uncle Koz picked up?" She nodded, and left, but not before winked at me from the door. She mouthed _I'll see you later_ and then left. Damn, I liked this girl.

"Sorry about that she's normally a really good kid but things have been tough for her lately." I didn't know why Milla was apologizing for. She was a kid, things like that happen. Even when I'm redder than a tomato, still. My only concern was her eye.

"What happened to her eye?"

"She got in a fight with a boy at school. I didn't get into all the reasons or the punishments but she's fine." Point taken. But, to me, she wasn't doing anything much. She's a kid! Things like that happen.

"You ok?" I noticed that she was uncomfortable. So I did one of the things I do best: Take care of my patient.

"That better?" I massaged her neck for a while, until I was sure that the pressure was lower.

"Yeah, that's fabulous." I'm glad I could ease her pain a little. But I also know when I can be inconvenient and little Ellie was waiting for her, so my time was now.

"I should be going. I have to get to my insurance company with this, and then enjoy the rest of the time off that I have today. Thanks for the water .Tell Ellie it was wonderful to meet her. And please, don't fight with her too much just because she got into a fight with a boy. I'm sure there was a reason for it. She was just defending herself." I know it wasn't my place, but I felt like I should say something on Ellie's favor. Who wouldn't have?

In a flash, I felt someone grab my arm, and I flinched a little, not realizing it was Milla

"Wait. I have to ask you something. Have you ever done freelance work?" ok, that's not something I hear everyday.

"What?" I'm sure there are lots of more experience nurses here, so why was she asking me?

"My fill-in nurse just abandoned me this morning and I need someone to fill in odd spots in the schedule." What kind of ethic professional was her nurse? I can't think of one reason to why someone would want to ditch a nice woman like Milla Ortiz.

"I don't know, I just started at St. Thomas and am trying to find a place for myself here. Taking on an extra job may be too much." I didn't want to sound indelicate or anything. But it was true. I had my doubts if I could handle a situation like this. Maybe I could find someone for her at the hospital.

"Just think about it. It would just be a few hours a week, sitting with me, making sure I don't over exert myself. Just stuff like that. Besides it would be nice to have a female presence around here. Koz can be a bit overwhelming." Of course I'll think about it. Milla is a good person, and she deserves the best care in the world.

"I'll think about it. Thanks for the water." I was going to start my research. Anything to help Milla. When I got out, Kozik was waiting for me, with my car and new tires.

"You're a life savior!" I grinned and his smile was bigger than mine and I almost hugged him, but from the garage, a man with a bleeding nose got out "Oh my God, is he ok?"

I went to his direction, but Kozik blocked me.

"Yeah, yeah, he's fine. He just had a run with a shelf that's all. Heavy things in this garage" Suddenly, the man that now noticed my presence, literally ran inside. Was he ok?

"Still, he needs to be taken care of Koz. I'm a nurse, so you can't stop me from doing my job" I never backed down from a job, and a big, bad, biker going to stop me now.

I went inside the clubhouse, with Kozik following me. The place was blasting the same rock music from his car and smelled like beer. But there were only two men inside; one tall with glasses that was holding a dirty cloth on the other man's nose.

"Are you ok?" I asked as I started to work on his face. He had a pretty busted nose, luckily he wouldn't need stitches. But both of them seemed to be frightened when I asked how he got it.

"It was just an accident. That's all" the tall guy told me, He seemed that he wasn't so scared, but the other one was shaking like a leaf.

"Well, ok you're good now. Lucky for you, you won't need stitches. Just try to get some rest and you'll be good in no time"

"Yeah, lucky for you" When I turned, I saw Kozik practically shooting daggers with his eyes at him. What was that about?

"Everything alright, Koz?" His glared vanished when he looked at me "Yeah, sorry Gillian. I'm just wondering how these boys mange to get in situations like that"

He glared one last time to the injured biker, when I waved at him and he followed to my car.

"Alright mister MacGyver .How much do I owe you?" He made a face, like I was speaking Greek, but quickly recovered. He started to say that he couldn't charge from me, but he saw that he wasn't going to win this argument, so we made a deal that would benefit us both.

"A movie night choice?" I asked when he nodded. The deal was that every week one of us would pick a movie and decided which one was better. The looser would have to pay a determinate part. Fair enough. I knew I was going to win.

"Besides, that way I get to see you more often" I blushed…wait, what? But I quickly recovered.

"You never know Koz. Besides, I'll probably be here so much from now on that you'll be sick of me." His eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas day.

"What do you mean?" Should I tell him? I don't think he'll mention anything to Milla.

"Let's just say that Mrs. Ortiz offered me a job as her personal nurse. The last one just bailed her for no reason" He cringed. Maybe, they were friends "And I'm thinking I might possibly say yes."

His next act caught me unprepared. He hugged me so tight that I thought my bones were about to break. And to my surprise, I didn't mind. "I said I'll think about it. But, it's a secret, I don't have anything concrete , don't tell Milla, ok?" He nodded and started to babble a lot of things that I couldn't comprehend. Maybe he was happy for Milla to have another nurse. The last one must really screw up.

After we said our goodbyes, I was already on my car, when I remembered something.

"Hey Koz, why did Ellie say you always talk about me?" He looked like he just saw a ghost. I swear, I never saw a man get so pale so fast

"Whaaaaaaaat? I don't know what you're talking about. You know how kids are." I just nodded and took off. He was right.

Kids, sometimes they don't know what they're saying.

* * *

"Honey, I'm home!" I was greeted with saliva, as always, as my roomie went straight to get his stuffed animal. So much for a warm welcome. After I settle my things and decided to clean everything for my day tomorrow. I didn't have time yesterday, or the day before. My day off literally meant that I got to do nothing. So, two days later, I gathered my patience and cleaned my stuff. I started think about Milla's proposal. It was true that I never did freelance work before, but one of the requirements for this job is to be patient and to know what you're doing. I'm good at both of those! And, I love kids! So, I'd take it. I just couldn't tell her now because it's already too late and she's probably sleeping.

After this matter was solved, I decided to start my own movie list. I mean, I knew I was going to win from Kozik. The man had good taste in films, but it's a little obvious to who had a better understanding of the classics. It was only then that I noticed that my agenda was missing.

I searched every corner of my house! This meant I'd probably have to clean the whole thing again later, but I still didn't find it. Where could it be? I wrote on it today, right on the nurse's room…

_Oh yeah._

The hospital. I swear, sometimes I'm so clueless! I had to get it back. I had tons of information's there and my memory isn't the best when it comes to important dates, so I really need it.

"Stay right there buddy. Don't go partying all night. I'll just go pick up my agenda." Nanook didn't move, he only realizes I'm being serious when I give him food.

* * *

The hospital at night isn't much different in the morning. Only this time, people are sleepy and grumpier than ever. Can't say I blame then. I found my agenda in the lost and found section. It didn't have anything important, but I'd feel better if I knew that no one read it. I'm a very private person. I turned around the corner and saw a group of men wearing the familiar cuts along with several girls.

"What happened?" I wasn't concerned if I was being nosey or not. If they were here at this hour, something was wrong.

"It's Milla, she's going to have her baby" Koz's face was somewhat proud and afraid. The baby wasn't supposed to be here now. It wasn't her time yet. But, things like that happen. So, I decided to do the right thing for everyone, just as one of the nosey nurses walked by.

"And where do you think you're going Nurse Smith?" I put my things aside and went to get a spare set of scrubs. I guess the staff wasn't too happy about having competent nurses. Well, tough.

"I'm going to help my friend." From the corner of my eye, I saw the MC group paying attention to our exchange, but the only one that caught my attention was Kozik.

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**If you liked it,then review :)**


	10. Labor

**Disclaimer: I don't know the Sons of Anarchy, they belong to Kurt Sutter; Milla****, Doctor Nior, Nurse Reynolds and Chantal belongs to the wonderful ****MelanthiaChase****.I only own Gilly and Doctor Neves**

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Labor

Gillian's POV

This is one of those times you actually feel really good about yourself by doing something you know you're good at and that will help someone. To help a woman give birth is one of the most satisfactory feelings you can have. And it means so much more when that person is someone dear to you.

In the short period of time that I've know Milla, she has shown to be strong and caring, she'll be a great mom when her daughter is born. That's why I can honestly say that it is an honor to help her in a time like this.

Unfortunately, not everyone agreed with my decision. After I changed into my working wardrobe, one of my superiors, Doctor Neves came to talk to me.

"It's against Hospital policy to interfere with another doctor's work Nurse Smith." Excuse me? Did he just say that to **me**? You can't bypass your superior, or else you'll be fired. That's a fact. But I'm not going to let some snobby doctor who hates bikers, as he has so kindly said more than once, try to stop me from helping Milla now.

"Of course Doctor Neves, I know my place." I was still the same professional, but when I puffed my chest and looked down at him, I know he saw the glint in my eyes. It's not my fault that he's shorter than me and I can look menacing when I want to. "But I also know that it's against policy to deny service to a person in need of medical care. Can you imagine how this must look like when the administrators come here for the annual evaluation, knowing that a nurse wanted to help when there's already an issue with a lack of staff?"

The clicking sound in his throat shows the fear I was looking for. It's universal: when you mention money and your boss, weak people always show fear. Whether it's in Charming or Iceland.

"No, of course not." He regained his poise, pretending to check on a prescription. Like I said, weak. Can't even look me in the eyes. "We don't do that here at Saint Thomas. You're dismissed nurse"

_Yes sir._

* * *

In the hallway I soon notice the now familiar bunch of cuts and leather. Kozik was sleeping on the very uncomfortable couch while a very tall man was with a blond woman. The other two whom I've met while treating the bloody nose man were also there. They were both sleeping too.

"Gillian?" I turned around to see Chantal with a bucket of flowers in her hand and I could've sworn that at the same time Kozik jumped from his seat. Wasn't he sleeping? "How's she?"

She looked tired, but happy at the same time. Suddenly, all looks were in me. I'm guessing no doctor must've come and talked to them. So this meant that Tara was already inside or getting ready.

"I don't know yet. I'm going in now and as soon as I can I'll let you know, ok?" The tall man, who introduced himself as Opie thanked me. The blonde woman was his fiancée, Lyla.

"So, you're Ellie's father? Is she better?" I was referring to the eye, of course. For some reason, I got the feeling that Kozik was trying to tell me something. He must be really worried about Milla.

"Yes, she's better, thanks for asking" A look of realization passed across him and he smiled "Wait a minute, you're _**The **_Gillian?"

Lyla was smiling too. What was going on? Was Milla talking about me that much?

"Yeah guys, that's the one and only." Chantal handed Kozik the flowers. Why was he so red? I'm really clueless right now.

"Ok, so we all monopolized Gillian enough. Didn't we guys? Now it's time for her to help Mills." I was going to ask why was his neck so red, but when he pushed through the door to Milla's room, the discussion was over.

"Gillian, what are you doing here?" There she was, the soon-to-be mommy in all her glory. And apparently, no drugs yet.

"Didn't think I was going to miss this, did you?" I winked and noticed that an older woman was there with her. Very beautiful and incredibly similar to Milla. So this must be her mother.

"Who are you?" And straight to the point. I liked her.

"Gillian Smith, I'm the nurse assisting Dr. Knowles. I'll be with Milla through the whole procedure." At times like this the best thing you can do is to be straight with your answer and tell everything the patient or the relative asks you.

"Gillian? I've heard about you." Ok, so she's the second person to put me on the spot today. "You've made quite the impression on Kozik."

I don't handle situations like that very well; I must have been blushing.

"Gillian, this is my Mom Gemma Teller-Morrow. I'd say she's not always this gruff but I don't want to lie to you." No, she's not gruff; she's just taking care of her daughter. Maybe it is time for the drugs. Milla needs to rest.

"Nothing to worry about. Dr. Nior is having the Operating Room prepped and Dr. Knowles had to speak to Ms. Murphy about something but she should be here soon to give you another internal examination." She didn't seem too fond of that news. But today and at this time we really are having some staff problems so everyone needs to do a little bit of everything. Including Tara and Dr. Nior.

"I have to give this chart to Dr. Nior, is there anything you want me to get you while I'm out?" I think that Milla was a little embarrassed by her mom's bluntness. I wasn't; believe me I've been asked to do worse things than to get a coffee.

"Sure thing." I didn't want to run through their moment so I left as soon as I could to give them an opportunity to bond. They both needed it at this hour. Milla was very lucky, even with her husband not being able to be here, she's got her family and friends to support her. You don't see that much these days.

* * *

"Here, you look like you need one." poor Koz, he couldn't sleep. Not even when the group dispersed. They were told that they were bringing some equipment so that Milla's husband could see everything when the time came. I thought that was pretty cool; most of the fathers that are in the same room are too scared to see their wives/girlfriends in pain or are just not there. He's the most present father I've ever met.

"Am I dreaming?" I raised an eyebrow and took the other coffee from my hand; Tara came and took Gemma's, so I decided to be a good nurse and spare the awful torture that Kozik must be feeling from that practically wooden couch with a fresh coffee. At least he can endure a few more hours. "Oh shit, you're really here".

He stood up in one swift motion and I think I heard a bone crack.

"Man, I didn't think you'd be that nervous when Esperanza was born. You really are nervous, aren't you?" I gave him the coffee, which he gladly took.

"What are you talking about…Oh yes! Of course! I am nervous that my niece is going to be here any second." So, I tried to assure him that everything was going to be ok, and I'd do my best to assist in every way I could.

"Well, I'm calmer now knowing Milla's got a great nurse beside her" His groggy voice didn't change one bit the flirty grin on his face. And I found myself staring at him far too long for my taste. Keep it together Gilly.

"I….umm…just wanna, thank you. For helping me…Us, I mean Milla, with this whole thing." Was he blushing? Wow, or maybe it was the coffee "Not everyone here in Charming is as half as friendly as you are, Gillian."

How come his eyes are so blue? And why does he have to lick his lips like that? Damn, that's so…

_GILLIAN SMITH, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU__?_ I needed to cool down, what's the matter with me?

"I like Milla, Kozik." For some reason, that I can't understand now, I put my hands on top of his. I don't know how that happened "And I like you…All of you. I mean, I like all of you"

DAMN, DAMN, DAMN! His face was pure shock .Oh great!

"AndI'ddoanythingtohelpallofyou" Ok, I ran like a chicken. He probably didn't even understand me, the way his eyes were popping from his face; it must've been the caffeine. Now's not the time for this.

Without making a sound, I entered Mill's room to check up on her. I thought she'd be sleeping by now. She wasn't. Milla was crying, and no one was here with her. Yeah, definitely she was having a mini panic attack.

"Milla sweetie, it's me Gillian" I took her hands and set on the bed, so she stopped to squirm a little "Everything is going to be alright. We're all here for you"

What I thought would help, only made things worse.

"BUT MY HUSBAND ISN'T HERE! I NEED JUICE! NOOOW!"I don't get it. Was she thirsty? What does her husband have to do with drink? "GOD DAMN STUPID PLAN! AND NOW HE CAN'T BE HERE! I NEED MY MAN!"

Oh, ok, now I think I get it.

"Milla" I started again, brushing some of her hair from her face "It's ok for you to be upset. But don't worry he'll be with you and your baby soon, don't you think?" She nodded, but I don't think she really was listening to me, so I decided a different approach "Why don't you tell me about your husband then?"

She seemed to glow when I asked her. Maybe that's what she needed

"I've never met anyone like him before. Juice is smarter than anyone gived him credit for, funny and sexy as hell. But he can also be very airheaded and that can get him in a little trouble." She laughed softly, calming down "One time we took a trip to a friend's cabin, and he didn't know that poison ivy was real! Guess what he chose to hook up in?"

I laughed, I couldn't help it. Milla wasn't offended by this, but seriously, who doesn't know that poison ivy is real? She started to tell me about them as a couple, and the emotion in her memories brought a smile to my lips

"I never thought I'd be lucky enough to meet a guy like him Gillian. I thought it was impossible, some bullshit that our moms tell us, fairy tales. But, it's not. And that's why I'm so mad right now. This is one the most special moments in our lives and he's not here." She started to cry again, and I did a little too. Milla was a very lucky woman. But I didn't think I should be the one to tell her that he _was_ going to be here. Well, sort of.

"Don't be like that Milla .I bet your daughter will look just like him. And every time you see her you know that a part of him will always be with her" She started to doze off a little. With all this emotion, she's probably tired and needed a lot of rest

"Do you think so?" Her voice was so small, like a child's. And for a moment I saw a very fragile Milla. So I did the only thing I could do; I kissed her forehead and told her that everything was going to be alright. And I was going to make sure of that.

But her rest didn't last long. Five minutes, tops. After that the staff and her mother came to the room. It was time.

"Let's go have this baby!" Dr. Nior said and I went to help them.

It was time and the best thing I can honestly say about me when times like this come is that I'm extremely professional and I love what I do. Meaning: I won't let anything go wrong with Milla and her baby. We transferred her to the OR and while I was separating the instruments, Nurse Reynolds was setting up the laptop. I bet Milla was going to like this surprise.

"Is the camera working on my end, I can see you guys. Can you see me Tara?" I wanted to yell SURPRISE, but now was not the time. And after everything Milla told me about the love of her life, they deserved the little fake privacy we could give them at this point.

"Yeah I see the most beautiful woman in the world. How are you baby?" The feeling is mutual mean; he's in jail with so many different things going on but he still went out of his way to get the chance to be with his wife when she needed him most. What other man would want to see his wife giving birth so much he'd arrange this? So many men would rather watch a football game or just not be there. So many couples were _separate_, so disinterested in each other. But not these two, obviously.

It's so cute to see them! And it's real. Another reason for me to do well right now. He's got the right to hold his daughter and wife when he gets out.

* * *

Milla did it! Her daughter is so beautiful! Little Esperanza. I helped Tara clean her up and we were both crying with joy. It's always great to see that you were responsible to bring a new life to this world and to know that there's nothing you'll love more in this world than her.

"Are you ok?" Oh no, I was crying too much. I've been so emotional these days!

"Yeah. I'm just happy that we did it. Now go on and give your niece to her momma" Tara smiled, looking at her the entire time. I was so happy for them.

_A real family. And that's how i__t's supposed to be._

"Hey babygirl. I'm your Mommy." I heard Milla say to her baby. My work here is done. Without anyone noticing, I left the door to let her friends know that Esperanza was here. Calmly, each one of them entered her room and I stayed behind watching they exchange smiles and compliments to her and her baby .Milla's mom looked so proud that her smile seemed glued to her face.

No one noticed my absence, or at least that's what I thought when I was at my favorite place, with my thoughts.

"Why aren't you there with us?" The sound of the unmistakable leather boots was the only one on the hallway. All the babies were sleeping. It was almost five am after all.

"I didn't want to intrude." I looked at him, made a hush gesture and then went back to look at the kids "They're so beautiful, aren't they?"

After I saw a birth I always come here. It's soothing and it helps me to keep my sanity.

"Yep, they are. Do you like coming here?" I nodded. I felt tired now, and Kozik was the example of fatigue at the moment. So we both sat on the couch near the empty hallway and he winced

"I guess you're traumatized for the rest of your life now thanks to these couches, aren't you?" His face was hilarious. Yep, he was.

"I can't complain. I man, I know Milla went through some awful pain, but this couch? I don't know which is worse!" I burst out laughing and almost woke the kids. He's so cute, even when he doesn't want to be.

I told him a bit more about Milla and Esperanza's condition. We're going to have to keep them for a few more days, just as a precaution. And he was worried about it. But when I told him that I'd snatch a pillow from the nurse's room, it changed his mood

"Now, if you're offering me a pillow, how can I say no to **that**?"

* * *

After two days, it appeared that there was some problem with baby Esperanza. We were running some test to see what we could do. But I'm sure that the surgery will help her. I'm doing my best to help Milla; the prospect of your baby having surgery is a frightening thing.

Sometimes I go to the chapel. I don't pray or anything like that. I just sit there. Today was one of those days I felt the need to go there and to my surprise, Milla's mom was there. We haven't had the chance to talk much after her granddaughter's birth. If she was here she wanted to be left alone. And I must respect that.

"Do you pray?" She asked. There was only the two of us there.

"Not as much as I should. Do you?" She looked at me and smirked

"Not as much as I should" I smirked too, she patted the seat next to her. "Come and sit with me"

From what most people told me about Mrs. Teller-Morrow, she should have been terrifying, and I should probably be shaking from head to toe being alone with her. I'm not. She looks so familiar to me.

"If you're waiting for me to sit here and tell you that everything is going to be alright, then forget it" That caught her off guard, because her mouth was wide open "because you know what'll happen: both your daughter and your granddaughter will be perfectly ok and healthy and the only thing you'll get from this is a wrinkled of worry so much over nothing"

She just sat there for a moment, with her mouth still open and then gave me a real smile. I didn't think she did that very often, and then laughed.

"Oh, I like you. You're one of mine." I stood up and offered my hand "Come on nurse, you can buy me some coffee."

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**Reviews are always welcome!**


	11. What I Do

**I only own Gillian,her dog,David Sheppard, Laura, Mimi Oliver, Henry,Doctor Steves**

**Doctor Nior, Milla, Esperanza, Chantal belong to the wonderful ****MelanthiaChase**

**I dedicate this chapter to Dutch'76**

**In this chapter,we see a bit more about Gilly,and who she is.I hope you like it.**

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What I do

It's my job to preserve human life. To protect even. And that's what I do. No matter what. That's the only way I know and it worked for me so far; or else I'd have been a lunatic by now.

Most of people are drawn by money, looks and power, not necessarily in that order. Just one look and they can tell if the person is good or bad.

I'm not that naive.

So today, when a big lawyer from Chicago came here complaining that he got infected by a bug bite, I was suspicious. To him, it could be an animal he's referring to in his mind. But I know better. For some reason, I was his designated nurse and when I instantly saw the tiny human bite, I knew there was more to the story.

Of course such a high and mighty person wouldn't be here all alone. No! He brought his eight year old niece with him. Imagine that! Now, can you picture a little girl traveling alone with her uncle to a lawyer's convention or any shit like that. Could any of that be fun for a kid?

I didn't think so either.

"Why, hello there. Don't you have the cutest teddy bear?" She was left alone while two of the most prestigious doctors went to treat him. Figures, here or anywhere, people just choose to ignore the "less important" people. And thanks to my conversation with little Laura, I discovered what I wanted.

She told me and I saw the evidence on her body.

I know what happened to this child.

"Laura, do you have anyone who can take care of you? It's ok; it'll be our little secret. Pinkie swear" Lucky for her, she has a grandmother who lives in Ohio, and guess what? Her uncle doesn't let her see her nana! I wonder why?

The thing with minorities is that, even with proofs and if you testify, if your opponent has power, your word means nothing.

I learned that the hard way.

But of course, this little girl won't have to go through that. Because Mr. Sheppard just got his last trip to the hospital. Boo Hoo.

"Say, now there's only the two of us here, do you want to play house?"

* * *

I am fully aware of my actions. Always have been and always will be. I know that I'm not a good person; I'm far from it. But I can't just stand here and watch the monsters go out and play while the police and other authorities "protect and serve" the wrong people.

Milla told me once that she thought I was too innocent. I still don't understand what she meant; but it was sweet of her to tell me that. It made me feel light.

"Good afternoon Mr. Sheppard, how are you feeling?" What are the odds for him to be alone while the docs are at lunch?

"I'm good nurse, but please, call me David. Mr. Sheppard was my father" Well, isn't he just the sweetest piece of pie? I bet women melt under his yellow smile. Too bad girls, you're all too old for his taste.

"In that case, you can call me nurse, David." His smile was gone and when I started to take off his shirt, he lost his charming act.

"There's no need for that nurse. I'm fine now. The doctor said…" I fluffed his pillows and smiled at his desperation.

"Oh, I know he did David. But I'm just going to give you a little medicine for your pain. It's a new procedure that Doctor Steves forgot to mention" He relaxed, and when I lifted his shirt I saw it.

"Do you like nail polish, David? You know, a handsome man like you must wear all kinds of products to keep your pretty face." I wasn't looking at him .Everything was set; the only thing left was his confession.

"I don't know what…"With a pair of forceps, I took a little blue piece that was stuck between his belly button and waistband.

"Because Laura does. I've seen her wear this same color on her nails this afternoon when you were brought here. And she has bruises on her hands." I sat on the now pale man, ready to throw up.

"That…th..it was an accident! I don't know how it got there." Oh no, my patience is wearing thin.

"Really? This is the best excuse you can come up with? You don't know how an eight year old's nail polish went to your penis?" Oh please don't cry. I hate when they cry! It almost makes me feel bad. Almost.

"S…she was begging for it. I swear, it was not my fault!" Why do they always have to cry? That is so depressing, and bad for their image, if anyone could see.

"It doesn't matter. Because it's my word against yours and that little whore. No one will believe you." Wow, he went straight to the second phase: denial. This is a quick one, I'll give him that.

"Man, if I was another person I'd be afraid of your empty threat." I pulled the syringe and put my gloves "But…I'm not. So, don't hold your breath." Back to the crying, oh no! That way I could miss the vein.

"Why are you doing this?" The one million dollar question! Since I knew all the schedules from every person on this floor at this point, and I knew that little Laura was safe with an old acquaintance of mine, I decided to give David here an explanation.

"Alright David, here are the facts: You're a big shot in Chicago, right?" He nodded, and the tears went straight to his neck "Taking all the thugs and drug dealers from the street, protecting the innocents. A real superman." I gave him a sarcastic smile "So, if you're charged with molesting your niece, how long do you think that a man like you will be in prison; six months, two years tops?"

He nodded

"Yeah, that doesn't work for me. Because I know that Laura wasn't the first kid you've done that and probably won't be the last. Now, I'm doing my job saving a life; but not yours." With a muffed scream David Sheppard pasted away at 2:43 a.m. Cause: cardiac arrest.

_That's so sad. He had such a bright future ahead._

* * *

"Gillian!" There she was. Laura was still clutched to the doll I gave her and her other hand was holding a woman with white hair and a mean face.

If I didn't know better, I could've sworn that she really was mean.

"Hi sweetie, did you like your doll?" She nodded, and her pigtails were the cutest thing "Well, what you think about showing her to your grandmother back in Ohio?" She couldn't seem to close her mouth, but in the next second she was jumping for joy. Like a child should be.

Of course she started to make me questions about how she was going to get there and her uncle.

"You don't have to worry about him anymore Laura. This is Miss Oliver; she'll take you to your grandma. She's a very nice lady, even with this fish face" I saw her making a face and Laura laughed. Good, that means they won't have any problems during the trip. "Why don't you go and wait for us on that bench. I think your teddy must be tired and needs to rest for your trip." She smiled and told me to kneel. When she kissed my cheek I remembered why I'd chosen this profession.

"Another one Gillian?" Mimi whispered to me as we watched her playing on the bench.

"Yes. I already notified her grandmother. She said that the uncle had full custody of her. She didn't even suspect of him." I couldn't tear my eyes from the little girl in front of me. "Are all the papers there with you?" Always had to be sure that everything was set. The system is flawed, so you have to be perfect with laws and little things that can ruin your day.

"As always." I've knew Mimi Oliver since…well, for a long time. And she never missed anything when it came to rules and regulations.

"And don't forget the psycho…"

"Psychological assessment, Yes, I know that Gillian" She hit my head with her papers. "I'm older than you, just so you can remember."

I laughed and we watched Laura come towards us.

"I guess this is it Laura. Like I said, this lovely lady will take you to your grandma and if you need anything, anything at all, here's my number." I gave it to her along with a scrapbook as we said our goodbyes.

"Henry would be proud of you, a know kiddo?" I closed Mimi's car door and fought the tear that so desperately wanted to escape. "You really turned into a good woman."

I didn't dare to say anything, so I just nodded and kissed Laura's forehead and waved them goodbye.

_Just another day in the office._

* * *

"May I come in?" I knew baby Esperanza was in the room, so I waited for her mom's reply before I went to visit my favorite new mother.

"Of course you can Gillian. You're always welcome." Instantly I saw the black boots resting on the chair and I knew that Koz was there too.

"Hi guys, can I?"I took the baby in my arms and it felt so good! Milla was the type of person who didn't let anyone to hold her daughter that she didn't trust, believe me I've seen it.

"She's so beautiful! And you told me that she looks like her father, right?" She made a baby sound laugh and we all smile at the little miracle.

"Yeah, but she's healthy. So that's what's important." Milla used Esperanza's bottle to hit Koz's forehead. The baby seemed to be enjoying the situation.

"You shush." Before they started to argue and the baby became restless, I intervened.

"Anyways, I've brought you something to your daughter" I took the bag that came with me and Milla eagerly tore the paper apart one handed.

"A fairy tale book. Cool." Kozik seemed to pay more attention to the paper on the floor than the book. While Milla was smiling like the Cheshire cat.

"Thanks Gillian, but you didn't have to do this. This book looks like a very unique version." That was true.

"Yeah, it was mine." That caught Koz's attention "I wanted to give your baby something that I know every child would like and her mom too, of course"

Now the one who was grinning was Kozik. I'll never understand him.

"Wow, that's really special for us then. Thank you Gillian" A tear escaped her eye and baby Esperanza noticed that. She started to twist and I had to hand her back to her mommy.

"What won't I do for my personal patient?" I winked and both Koz and I were speechless by her sudden change of mood.

"Are you going to take my offer? Are you serious?" I don't think she realized that she was almost shouting, only when her baby started to cry, she stopped.

"Yes Milla. I told you when your daughter was born." her face was blank for a second before she told me that she didn't remember that. Figures, the drugs can do that to you. "So you guys get better be used to me because I'll stick with you and this lovely baby."

I kissed her forehead and went to arrange her bedspread .Kozik just stood there, was he expecting me to kiss his forehead too or something?

"Are you ok Koz? Do you need anything?" Again, Milla threw the bottle at him. He's going to need an x-ray check if things kept up that way.

"What? No, I was just thinking that…that… it's very generous of you to give your childhood book to Milla. You didn't keep that to read to your children in the future." And reality came straight to my face. There are things I can handle, and things I can't. Guess which one this is?

"Sorry, did I say some…"

"I'm gonna go now. My lunch break is over. Bye guys."

* * *

I'm not a good person, I know that. But there are times when I stop to think _why so many bad people have someone? Get married and have kids?_ What's the difference between me and them?

"And you said you didn't pray much." I didn't have to turn from my spot at the chapel bench to see who the clicking sound of heels belonged to, Esperanza's grandma.

"Hi Gemma, went to see your babies?" I was a little disappointed; Milla and Tara always told me how Gemma is a tough woman that could easily turn the Hulk into a marshmallow. I saw none of that; she's the sweetest woman I've ever known!

"I did, but when I saw you all here by yourself I thought I could come by to say hi. So, hi" Like I said, since that day when I talked to her, I realized that all the things I've heard about her could be true, but not to everybody. I was the proof of that apparently. She was caring and protective over her family. There's nothing to fear about that.

"Hi Gemma." She gave a questioning look "I'm ok, just a bit tired, that's all"

Which was partially true. But she let it go. My kind of person. She doesn't need to bug in to know how things are; at least that's how she is with me.

"Alright, let's get out of here. I wanna see my girls and you're coming with me." I also learned that you don't argue with Gemma. No matter what.

"If you're asking so nicely." I smirked and when we were about to get out of the chapel, Kozik came running up sweating like a marathoner.

"I've been looking everywhere for y…"He stopped when he noticed that I was linking arms with Gemma "Gemma, hi."

Why was he surprised? Never saw two people talking in a chapel before?

"Close your mouth Kozik, or you'll let the flies in." She dragged my arm to Milla's room where we were welcomed with the same surprised face as Kozik.

What's up with these two?

"Mom…hi." She closed the gap and went to be with her daughter at the same time that a more composed Koz entered.

"What's the matter sweetie, surprised to see me so soon?" It's so cute the way the she's concerned about her family. I stood in my corner, quiet. I wasn't sure if I belonged there.

"No mom, it's just that…you and Gillian seem very friendly." It wasn't a

question, and I wasn't offended, but Gemma said otherwise.

"Of course, she's the best nurse at this Hospital, right Gillian?" She winked and I only nodded. I'm not good with compliments "Besides, why wouldn't I be? She takes cares of my girls and is a friend of the club. It's only natural baby girl."

That was very nice of her. I guess I am friends of the club then.

"You got that right Gem." Koz stood beside me and we quickly excused ourselves to let them have a family moment.

"She was telling the truth back there." We found a nice place near the plastic tree, just in the hallway where no one was near "About you being a friend to the club."

The idea of being part of something was good. I've never had that.

"Thanks Koz." I gave him one of my few true smiles, that I reserved for a very selective group of people. "So, after this whole thing settles down and baby Esperanza is home, what do you say about our movie night?"

He gave an apologetic look. Oh no, he forgot.

"I think that'll have to wait a little Gillian. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something. I'll have to go away for a few days to take care of something. Club stuff."

Oh, of course. Who am I to ask anything?

"Oh, you're leaving" I didn't make to look sad; that's not me. But I couldn't help the feeling of disappointment that came over me. It's not my place, but I was going to miss Kozik. Even though we haven't spent too much time together these days.

"It'll be quick, I promise." I stood up and started pacing; it was the only thing that could distract me. But this time, unlike the last, when Koz put his arms around me, I didn't flinch "Hey, come on Gilly, look at me"

I wasn't going to cry. Because, I don't do that. Cry just because he'll be away for a while, that's insane!

"I'll call you everyday, and when I get back we'll spend so much time together that you'll be sick of me." I didn't even care that he stole my line or called me Gilly. Just the promise to have him back was enough for me.

"Can we watch _back to the future_, then?" It was a reason for us to argue. He hated it, but I loved it.

"All three of them"

* * *

Kozik's only been away for a day. No big deal, right? It's not like we spend all the time together nor have anything. So, I'm good; cool.

Everything is great.

"So, are you going to talk to me? Because your blank stare is starting to freak me out." Milla woke me up. Geez what am I doing? This is the place where I work; I can't be spacey over nothing!

"Sorry, so sorry Milla. My mind was elsewhere for a while." She handed me her baby so I could check upon her. Yesterday, after Koz was gone, Milla and I decided the terms of my job as her personal nurse. Nothing that will compromise my other job and it'll be good for both of us.

"Right. I got that same look every time Juice went on a run." I have no idea what she's talking about. Milla and Juice are married, someday she's going to have to tell me his real name; and I guess because she's got a good marriage, she sees things where they aren't.

"Yeah, so? Everything is fine. I'm just thinking about the meds for Doctor Nior." Ok, that was a lie. "And I might be a little worried about Koz, that's all"

I said the last part almost whispering, but she got me and made a triumph face.

"Gillian, sit a moment with me here. You're too tall and I don't want to look up all the time. I have enough of that with my boys" I put her baby in the crib as she took my hand in her good one "You think I'm talking bull about things like that, I get it. But when there's something there, everyone can see it. It was there with me and Juice. I didn't want to admit at first, but damn I was hooked from the moment I laid my eyes on him."

That was when she told me where her husband was. Where the rest of her family were and why they were there. She cried for a while and after I calmed her she continued

"He's the love of my life. I love him so much and I know that when he gets out we'll be together again" It was true. From what I heard on the day of their daughter's birth, there's no way he's going to let her girls out of his sight any longer than he has to.

"I have something to show you." She asked me to pick up a box below her bed that I never noticed before. She told me that Gemma brought yesterday so that she could show me. And it was through the box that I met Donna Winston, Kip, Bobby Elvis and the rest of her family.

"And this was on our wedding day" Milla was so beautiful! The pixie hair really suited her. And beside her was a man with a huge smile on his face and a very cool Mohawk.

"She does look just like her daddy." And now I could prove that it was true.

* * *

It's been a few days since I came to the Ortiz residence to help Milla and baby Espy. She looks more beautiful each day, and I'm so happy to be able to see it! I insisted to go with them to help Milla on Stockton, but she told me that she could handle it. And I had no doubt about that.

Of course that tem minutes later, Gemma called my cell asking how things were. After more fifteen minutes assuring her that everything was ok and with a promise to trade my famous chocolate cake recipe, we hang up.

Not too long after, my phone rang again, ID unknown.

_"Hello?"_

_"__Gilly, hi! It's me."_ Only one person calls me Gilly

"_Koz! How are things back there?"_ I realized that I didn't have to ask too much for Kozik to tell me things. After he came back from his "run", he told me that he'd went to Thief River. Milla had told me that he was going with them to Stockton too. I was glad because they'd have someone to help. Not that they needed it.

_"As good as it can be. Milla, Chantal and Tara are inside with the kids"_

_"And why aren't you with them?"_

_"As much as I love my brothers, I'd rather spend my time talking to you__." _Ok, I was blushing. Good thing no one could see it. Besides my dog, who had this mocking smile. If there's such thing. _"Hey, I was just thinking; since I've been busy with club shit since I got back and we haven't had the chance to catch up, what do you say to having dinner with me?"_

_"Koz, I don't…"_Before I could give my answer, he cut me off, almost afraid of what I was going to say.

"_A family dinner, of course. Me, Gemma, Tara, Milla, the kids probably Opie and the others. Ya know, the usual crowd." _Well, with more people, I felt better.

This whole thing is so new to me! Family dinner, people who call to ask how are things, fri…

_"Gilly,__ are you there?"_

_"Yeah, sorry. It's just…nice to have a friend like you__."_ Suddenly I felt like a little girl who just got her first doll._ "We're friends, aren't we, Koz?"_

_"Yeah Gilly,__ we're friends. You can count on me"_ I could hear his smile from where I was standing "_So, that means you'll be coming for dinner?"_

If I was a little girl, he was a little boy waiting for the new videogame

"Yes, I'll be there."

* * *

**Reviews are always welcome!**


	12. Family Dinner aka The Baptism

**Milla, Esperanza, Chantal belong to the amazing MelanthiaChase. THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME!**

**I only own Gillian**

**Soooooo, I think it's time for some romance, don't you think? If you agree with me then REVIEW, or else I'll just keep delaying.**

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Family Dinner a.k.a The Baptism

Gillian's POV

I got off work early today, thanks to an incredibly nice older nurse, and got home to get ready for the dinner. Gemma called me early to set some details and I got the address. I got there in less than 15 minutes. When I say small town, I mean it!

There were a lot of bikes in the backyard! I think I could get used to this, but when I say a lot, I say a **lot**. What was the reason of the celebration? Was I interrupting something?

I could hear a bustling inside and, for some reason; Kozik's voice was louder than anyone else. It seemed that he was having a panic attack.

But, why?

"Ok, I'm gonna go now, I'll go get Gill…" He didn't even look behind him, he just opened the door and if I didn't step aside, we both would have been on the floor.

"Gilly! What are you doing here?" At least he stopped shouting. And everyone else inside went quiet.

"Umm…you invited me, don't you remember?" From the corner of my eye I could see Ellie's head along with two other kids in the window.

"Yeah, but" He gave that beautiful smile and seemed to recover from the shock, "I was going to your house to pick you up."

I recognized Gemma's hand in the window, shooing the kids away.

"But why? I'm already here." This was starting to confuse me. Wasn't I invited to have dinner? I got the address and I'm here. What's so hard to understand?

"I was going to get you bec…"He didn't get to finish the sentence because Milla was already at the door, probably to try to save us from the embarrassing situation we were in.

"Hi Gillian! We're so glad you could make it, right Koz?" Good thing Milla was there, she ushered me inside while Kozik was behind me, his neck still red.

She took me to the kitchen where I saw Gemma, Tara and Lyla along with little Ellie. It was such an adorable family scene. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be there.

They all gave me a warm welcome, but when Gemma was the only one who hugged me, the room went silent for a moment.

"Nice to see you again, Gillian." Lyla and Ellie were making the salad, so I put my cake on the counter and started to help Tara with the rest of the dinner.

* * *

Kozik's POV

"Smooth bro, real smooth" Ope patted me on the back as I downed my first beer. He was right. I was supposed to be all happy and smiles for my nurse from the moment she walked in. We didn't say that I was going to pick her up, so why was I freaking out about the fact that I didn't get to spend some alone time with her?

_Why am I sweating so much?__ Are my palms melting or something?_ I looked up to see Opie and Chibs smiling at me. Just great.

"Man, you've got it bad" Leave it to Opie to let this calmer for me "I've never seen you act this way." That's because I've never acted this way! What that means?

"I know what it is Ope; our little Koz here is in love. Just look into his eyes." I was about to answer Chibs, when I realized something.

_He was right. Absolutely right._

"Aww, look, look, see? I told ya." He patted me on the back and dared to enter the kitchen to get another brew.

"This is good news brother. At least we don't have to fear that you'll get some STD or some shit like that from a coweater" I snorted and Opie laughed too. We both knew that I stopped that shit since I met Gillian.

Chibs came back with a brew on his hand and a scared look on his face. That

was a hard thing to get, what happened?

"I can't believe my eyes brothers." He took a long gulp before looking back to us "The girls are there cooking, and Gemma is all smiles and laughing with your nurse there boy."

Gemma is what? That's impossible! Chibs must be joking.

"Very funny Chibs, but we don't need to scare Koz here even more." But Chibs shook his head and drank again

"I swear on my life. It was…_scary_." Ok, now I'm worried. Gemma all so chipper all the sudden to someone so new to the club? Something was up.

And Chibs was right, I am scared now.

* * *

Gillian's POV

"And then he said that I didn't need to do that. That I was too weak to pull something like that off." We burst out of laughing. I don't think Milla was more embarrassed about her mom's stories with her father anymore. She was laughing too much for that. "What, you didn't know Mills? Your dad can still be macho when he needs to be."

Milla clutched her stomach from laughing so hard and Tara and I almost let the bowl fall on the floor.

"Ma, watch what you're saying! Gillian will think that we're a bunch of lunatics!" She tried to stay serious, but failed miserably.

"Are you kidding me, Milla? Why would I think something like that?" We burst of laughing again and the man that Milla introduced to me as Chibs entered the room.

"Evening girls, am I interrupting something?" His face was pure confusion. Maybe they weren't having as much fun as we were.

"No, not at all Chibs. You go and tell the boys that the dinner is almost done." Gemma said wrapping her arms around me as Chantal entered the room with baby Espy and Chibs left with a puzzled face.

"Hi sweetie." I noticed that Chantal seemed a little shaken from the first time I saw her, so I asked her if I could hold the baby for a moment. She didn't object.

"Oh, look at you, so big and beautiful." She made that lovely baby sound as Milla came closer.

"You're amazing with kids." I could tell that she was smiling, but I was under her daughter's spell "She was cranky before and now just look at her. Suddenly quiet and you just held her. You're good with kids."

I smiled at her as her child made another sound. She liked being held by me apparently.

"Well, she'll have to get used to me. After all, I'll be here for a while now, right?" I winked and Milla laughed.

"Alright girls, enough with baby talk. Let's go eat because I'm hungry!" Milla led the way as I helped with the drinks and soon enough, the table was set and we were ready to have a nice and quiet dinner.

Yeah ,right.

The table, which was enormous, was all set. Milla sat along with Gemma and Tara who had a little boy I learned was Milla's nephew Abel on her lap and on the left side were, Chibs, Phil who showed up at the minute we set the plates on the table, Opie, Lyla, Ellie, Kenny, Piper that Lyla introduced me as her kid were already chatting about some problem in their house. Chantal was holding Espy before putting her in her crib, which only left room for me and Kozik on the corner of the table. Good, at least no one would notice me and start to ask questions. Not that that was going to happen.

"So, Gillian" Forget what I said "Do you like to play with dolls? Because I know you already have a Ken."

Oh, dear Lord! Good thing that Ellie is a kid, or else I'd take her serious.

The kids burst of laughing and when I looked at Kozik, his face was red. Why? It was just a joke.

After Ellie's joke, things went back to the usual questions: _How old was I, what I thought about Charming and why did you choose to be a nurse._ Those sorts of questions, I could handle it perfectly. I had no problem with that, because I thought that later they would stop. They didn't.

"So Gillian, what do you think about our Koz here? Pretty amazing guy. A little messy, but has a good heart" Chibs pointed the beer on his direction and the whole table froze. What?

"A ha, Chibs, always **so funny.**" The table moved a little, I think Koz tried to be smooth about hitting his foot, but he didn't succeed. I squeezed his hand to tell him that everything was fine. And surprisingly, we stayed like that trough the rest of the dinner.

* * *

"The food was excellent! I don't think I've ever had a meal like that in my life." I told Lyla as we cleaned the table to set the desserts. Apparently, Koz made fuss about my chocolate cake and now everyone was waiting for it.

"Hey Lyla, can I ask you something?" She seemed such a nice woman and a caring mother that was deep in the clubs life. It wouldn't hurt to satisfy my question, right? "That tattoos you, Milla and Gemma have, do they have any meaning?" I'd seen the way that they sometimes absently touch their tattoos and I got the feeling that they had a special meaning.

That's when Lyla patiently explained to me about the crows and the hierarchy of the Old Ladies. Apparently I was in the presence of royalty. I liked the idea of having something to remember that you belong to someone and vice versa. Not that I'd ever do something like that, of course.

"Finally! What were you girls doing in there, making the dishes?" Lyla winked at me and sat beside Ope, or her Old Man. I'm still not sure about the correct form with those things.

"What are you guys waiting for? Dig in." I can honestly say that my desert was well received. Gemma said something about Bobby being jealous of me, but I paid no attention. I was happy like that.

* * *

"There you are" After I finished the dishes with the girls, I took some time to get a little of fresh air. It was a lot of information for me to digest:

_"I can't believe you stopped the shipment! They're our biggest distributor, are you trying to bankrupt this company, fucking douchebag!" Chantal yelled over the phone. Apparently she was having some problems at work but when Gemma gave her a mean look. Later Milla told me that during family dinners, there was a rule about no talking about work. Chantal quickly turned off her phone._

_"What are you working on?" __I asked her absently as I handed Tara another dish to put aside. I don't think they were expecting the reaction I gave them when Chantal explained her job._

_"So, you work i__n the adult entertainment industry and Lyla is an actress?" From the corner of my eye I saw Chantal raising her eyebrows, as my face looked the same "Hmm."_

_"Tha__t's it?" Chantal was staring at me as Milla started to mask her laughter, coughing "That's all you're gonna say, hmm?" _

_What did they want me to do,__ tie their bodies to a stake?_

_"Yeah,__ hmm. Why?" She looked shocked from a second as Lyla started to laugh too. Gemma lit a cigarette since baby Espy and Abel were in the other room._

_"__Well, I guess this discussion is over. Chantal, no more work at dinners, ok?" Gemma let it pass, but Chantal was having none of that._

_"Whoa,__ whoa, what do you mean, just hmm? Aren't you going to freak out on us for being the servant of the devil or some shit like that? Tara freaked out at us when she first found out" Tara nodded, but said nothing more. She was enjoying this situation as much as Milla and Gemma were._

_"__Yes, Chantal, I'm not going to say anything else. Who am I to judge you? I'm not that hypocrite .I just don't get it" It was the pure truth._

_"What do you __mean, you don't get it?" She really wasn't going to let this go._

_"I just __don't. Don't blame me." When I threw the napkin at her. Gemma called the fight, saying it was time for the rest of the desserts._

_"You're one of the kind, Nurse Gillian. Koz is one lucky bastard" She smirked at me. That's when I left to get some air._

"So, here's where you've been hiding." Koz took a seat beside me, and we stayed silent for a while, just enjoying the night.

"Sorry about Ellie and Chibs back there. They can be a little…inconvenient when they want to be." I laughed and continued to stare at the stars.

"No harm done Koz. Ellie is just a girl, and Chibs…well, he's your brother right? I suppose that's what brothers do" I heard his laugh as he took a sip of his beer.

"So, I was talking to Lyla early, and she told me about the crows." I didn't want to step on a place that didn't concern me, but I was more than curious "Do you have anyone with your crow?" I realized how stupid I sounded "I'm just curious, you don't have to tell me if…"

"I don't. To me, a crow is the symbol of something extremely important. And I never found anyone I wanted to give my crow to." I looked into his eyes and saw something there that I never saw before. His eyes held so much emotion that I wanted to cry "Until now."

* * *

**Review and the fluffy stuff will begin!**


	13. The Calm Followed by the Storm

**New chapter! This was a hard one to write, and I loved it!**

**Milla, Espy and Chantal belong to the awesome MelanthiaChase. THANK YOU!**

**I only own Gillian, Henry and Nanook.**

**The Goonies belong to Richard Donner, Chris Columbus and Steven Spielberg.**

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The Calm Followed by the Storm

Gillian's POV

The world isn't always black and white, unlike most people think or choose to think. I've leant that from a very young age. So, when Gemma told me about the Russians, I took it all in and accepted it. What was I supposed to do, run and scream? Yeah, right.

Milla wasn't too pleased with that though. I can't blame her. I mean, who am I to these people? A complete stranger. It's understandable for her and everybody else to be suspicious.

Later that night, Koz escorted me back home. I didn't want him to do that. It wasn't a necessity. I mean he had so many important things going on already; like taking care of Milla, Espy and assuring their safety. And instead of being at their house, he's stuck here with me. Poor guy.

I have my own rules about judgment, and so far it worked pretty well for me. Of course, I knew that his intentions were to provide me safety and not let the Russians come near me; as if that'd happen. But, as his bike and my car neared my house, I couldn't help but to feel nervous about it.

I have absolutely nothing against Koz, Milla, Gemma, Phil or any other member of the club. In fact, they're all great! Why would I complain? I'd be crazy if I had anything against them.

Still, I can't help that tiny voice in the back of my mind, whispering "_Don't trust him. He doesn't know you. Do you really think that a man like him would want anything to do with someone like you? You don't deserve it" _Oh, shut up, will ya? He's just taking me home. Besides, he's my friend, and that's the best he'll be getting out of me.

When we parked, all the lights of the other houses were out and I had the feeling that we were the only two people in this place. It's kinda funny if you think about it.

"Shall we?" I don't invite people to my house,** ever. **Henry used to tell me that there are only two places where you can be at peace: Your house and your grave. I always took this as excellent advice.

Then, why did I just invite a man that I barely knew to come inside with me? It was then that I realized something.

_Maybe, just maybe, I trust Kozik. _

That thought alone scares me. I can't remember a time when I completely trusted someone so willingly and so fast like Kozik. Even Henry, it took me months before I could talk to him without crying or shaking.

So, why this sudden change? Can I really trust him? It was then that I heard another voice in my head. Older, a man with thin white hair and wisdom in his eyes.

_Don't you ever be afraid to be happy, Gilly-bean_

Oh, Henry.

* * *

Kozik's POV

The first thing that came to me as I heard Gilly inviting me in was how lucky I was. It seemed that I was the only one to realize that she put a wall between her and everybody else, and little by little, she was letting me in. I was not going to fuck this up.

"Come in, let me get you something to drink" She said, putting her hands in mine. That gesture seemed the most natural thing to me and she didn't flinch, or notice it.

As Gilly opened her door, I heard the loud bark of her dog. He was beating so hard on it that I thought it was coming down any minute. But Gilly just laughed at him.

"It's ok, just…don't stand in his way when we come in" I nodded and when she opened just a little, I followed her advice. Unfortunately, she wasn't as fast as me. Once again, she wasn't bothered by this.

"I missed you too rommie." The tone that she's got talking to him was the same that she used with the kids, so calm and caring. Lucky little bastards.

"And now, you ruined my shirt. That's the third one this month, Nanook" I came closer and saw the she was right. Her shirt was ruined. The dinosaur claws created irreparable damage.

I wonder what she'd think if I bought her a new one.

"I'll just go to the bathroom really quick. Make yourself at home, Koz." She left and I finally had the chance to do my own Gillian research.

Her house gave me that homey and warm feeling. When you live as long as I on the road, with no fixed address, you learn how it's important to notice the little things, like the smell of vanilla that was in the air.

Don't get me wrong, Milla and Juice's house is great! And so is Gemma and Clay's. But this, this place right here, with Gillian and the curious scent of vanilla was what I thought that a home must look like. It feels good, safe.

It feels like home.

The couch had a simple patchwork afghan that looked like the one I got from Milla when I was in Reno. The rest of the living room was filled with little pots with real flowers.

Usually, people these days are so busy with their own chores that they forget about living things, and choose for the good artificial plant. But not my nurse.

I took a step to the kitchen and her dog followed me. He didn't even blink! I think he was studying me, making sure that her owner was safe. Good dog.

It was a small, but cozy kitchen, with a small table with fruits on top. And there were cookies and a blueberry pie on the window sill. I'm serious! How can she have a figure like that with the way that she cooks? Bobby is the perfect example of what usually happens.

Every move I made, her dog followed me. And it wasn't until I reached the bookcase near the door that noticed something that I haven't noticed before: No pictures.

People usually hang lots of photos around the house, like Milla's .But not here. I only noticed that now because there's just one single frame hanging on the bookcase. Nanook lowered his eyes and made a sound like a whimper when I took the picture.

I recognized Gillian instantly. She didn't changed much, the same elegant features and those eyes that bewitched me instantly. She looked younger, 15 maybe 16 years old. But the man she was holding was strange to me.

A tall, black man, on his late 70's perhaps. He had a few white hairs on his head and he looked tired. But what caught my attention that there they were the only ones in the photo and they looked extremely happy. I've never seen that smile on Gilly's face before.

They looked both so comfortable. Just like the picture of Milla and Clay in Gemma's house.

Was this man her father? But, they looked nothing alike. Well, I'll save my questions for later.

Ok, I admit .My curiosity got the best of me and I was dying to see her bedroom. But when I moved towards it, her dog realized where I was going and was fully alert.

"Hey buddy" I scratched his ears, but he wasn't buying my story. Damn, that's one good dog. "Listen, I like your owner too, and all I want her is to be safe and happy with me. But, I'm gonna need your help, ok? So, what do you say?" Bingo! I swear that dogs understand better than us humans.

He let me pass and, by doing the minimum of noise possible, I went to her bedroom.

Like the rest of her house, it smelled like vanilla that I was addicted by now. Her room was simple and delicate, without that girlish stuff that most women have on their room. No pictures either, but what caught my attention was in the center of the place.

Her bed. Now, most of the single population has a double bed for when you want to get laid. I mean, I _was_ the perfect example. That's the main reason to buy a large bed when you're single.

But, not for Gilly. She's got a single bed, which I assume that only fits her. Interesting.

_That means she probably don't bring her dates over._

Nanook's bark told me that my time was over and as quickly as I could, I went back to the living room, with the dog sit at my feet.

* * *

Gillian's POV

Ok, so another shirt is ruined. I don't get paid well enough to buy new clothes every week. Yet, I can't complain; the most of expressing my feelings I have it's with my dog, and I'm used to it.

"Sorry about that, Koz. I'm…"I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the scene in front of my eyes.

Kozik comfortably sat on my couch, with his arms stretched, and the room felt smaller at his size. Nanook was almost sleeping because Koz was petting him.

"I see that the two of you became fast friends." He gave me that breathtaking smile of his and I had to go to the kitchen to hide my blush. That's so not me.

"Do you want anything to drink?" I had to try to pretend that I was busy, stirring in the drawers to pretend that my heart wasn't about to jump out of my mouth. Everything was in order, and I knew it. So, I was basically just opening and closing them.

"Yeah, a brew would be nice" I saw from my spot that Koz was completely at Nanook's mercy. The two of them were on the floor, playing. Who'd thought?

I took a few steps toward him still a little dumb folded to how easy they booth seemed.

"About that, I don't think I have any alcohol in the house" I thought he'd be pissed, or something. But he just looked up at me, still smiling.

"I kinda realized that Gilly. At the dinner you barely touched your glass" I thought no one noticed that. Everyone was just so distracted and happy.

"A glass of water would be just great." With that Nanook jumped on him, taking them down as I went back to the kitchen, hearing his laughter on the background.

I felt bad. I didn't have anything to offer him to drink. This was a first; I never had any guests either.

But, wait. I do have a bottle of wine hidden somewhere. I got it as a Christmas gift from my previous job. I didn't think I was ever going to use it. I guess it's true what they say: Never say never.

I cut the blueberry pie and took with the wine. I guess it'll do just fine. And for the look of surprise and happiness plastered on Koz face, he was satisfied.

"Ok, you two. Can you please stop playing for just one second, so that Koz here can eat, Nanook? Besides, I want you to try this" It was true. I never heard what people thought about my cooking, because I never had company before. Well, Henry doesn't count, he never complained about anything. I was truly eager to know what Kozik thought about my food.

At least Nanook behaved and let Koz eat his pie. The moan of satisfaction from him was enough to let me know that he liked it.

"I swear Gilly" He took another bite "I don't know how you can look like this, the way you cook." I smiled and stood up to get a DVD. We've been delaying our movie night for a while, and why not start it now? It's not like we had anywhere else to go. If we're going to stay here, best to find something to do, I didn't want him to get bored. It was cruel enough for him to babysit me.

I saw that Nanook was giving Koz his best lost puppy eyes, so he could get a piece of the pie. At the same time I gave him my "don't-even-think-about-it" look, so Kozik stopped before the fork went too far.

I chose _The Goonies _for our movie. It was a classic and was in both of our favorite movies list, so we wouldn't have any problem with it.

"Nice picture" He pointed to the frame above my head, I didn't need to look up to see it.

"Who's this?" His question didn't catch of surprise, like I expected. Which was a first too.

"That's Henry" I sat beside him on the couch, the frame still in my hands "You'd have liked him. He was firm, but caring at the same time" I started to stroke the photo as the memories started to come back.

"He was the closest thing I've had to a father" I'd **never** told anyone anything about Henry. But the thing about Kozik is that it didn't matter to tell him.

"He looked like a great man" I nodded as the movie started. Neither of us really paid much attention.

"I don't know if I can do this" I wasn't sure to who I was talking to: Henry, me or Kozik.

"What, me looking out for you?" Was this that he was doing? Suddenly it all got so mixed up that I wasn't sure anymore.

"Me…trusting you" It was the truth, and he knew it, because I was looking straight into his eyes.

"I don't let people in my house, play with my dog or talk about Henry. But you… you're something else Koz, and it scares me" I don't know how much time had passed, but it was all there in the open. And, to my surprise, he took my hand and once again, I didn't flinch. I guess I was getting used to the gesture now. The feeling that took over me was different, and I liked it.

"I could never do something or think about hurting you Gilly. You can trust me, I promise" What should I do? He seemed so sincere, so honest.

Why not, right?

After that, we decided to pay attention to the movie. We laughed and talked about how they don't make movies like that anymore.

Soon enough, my hand was caressing Koz head, and he was almost sleeping. He looked so calm and peaceful. It was like I didn't have any control of my movements .I started to trace my fingers down to his eyebrows, nose, cheek and mouth. I did this path over and over again.

He was with Sandman before I knew it, and I felt guilty about waking him up. But, another completely different thing was to have him to sleep in my house. What should I do?

He really does look so calm, I wouldn't mind watching him. So, that's what I'd do. Carefully, I took off his boots and laid him on my couch with my pillow. I put the extra blanket over him, it was a bit cold, and I took the other couch. I was sleepy, but I couldn't shut my eyes yet.

Call it reflex, but I wasn't used to have another person under my roof. When the tiredness took over, I've had one of the best nights of sleep I've had in a long time.

Because now, I have someone I know I can trust.

* * *

I woke up earlier than Koz, mostly because I didn't want him to see me sleeping on the other couch.

"Something smells good." I think that the noise from the oven woke him. And let me say that, see his face first thing in the morning, smiling like that and with that sleepy voice, was a good way to start my day.

"Ah shit. Sorry Gilly, I didn't mean to sleep here. It's just that your house is so comfy and…"But I just shrugged it off and I put the plate and the orange juice in front of him and made him to sit.

"My God, is this waffles? Man, I haven't eaten those since I was a kid" He took a huge bite and I was surprised that he didn't choke.

"I'm used to having a brew for breakfast. But now, Milla makes me eat at least a piece of fruit in the morning." He took another bite and I put the rest of the food on the table.

"Good God, I'm never gonna eat anywhere else. You've ruined me Gilly" I laughed when I saw that he didn't noticed the piece of bacon hanging from the corner of his mouth and he just didn't stop eating.

I guess he really likes my food.

* * *

It was my lunch break. So far, so good. Apparently, the only excitement that hospitals from small town have is when there's a surprise visitor from the supervisor. Then, it's complete havoc.

But this is nice. The way things are around here. Even with the lack of supplies and furniture, I'm finding myself enjoying working here more and more.

It was when I turned around the hallway that I spotted my newly appointed three favorite kids: Ellie, Kenny and Piper, looking bored out of their minds.

"Hi guys! What are you doing here alone?" Ellie told me that Opie was inside the room, solving a problem, probably about Milla. So I decided to spend my time with them.

"You kids wanna see something cool?" One of the good things about being a child is that your imagination runs wild. When I took a chocolate from each of their ears, they were mesmerized.

Some time later, when Opie was out of the room, the kids were cheering and clapping so loud that I was surprised that someone didn't come to reprimand me yet.

"Hi Gillian. And what you little monsters think you're doing?" I liked Opie. He was a quiet man, but I could see that he cared for the kids, Lyla and the club. That's all I needed to know.

When they all started to talk at the same time, neither of us understood a thing, so Opie just laughed and started to take the kids with him.

"Well, you've made a good impression to them .Kids, say bye to Gillian" I waved to them as they turned their little heads at me.

"Dad, she's a witch! You should've seen her magic trick!" But little Ellie just shut her brother up.

"Don't be stupid, Kenny! Gillian is too pretty to be a witch. She's a fairy, can't you see the difference?" Kids, so adorable. And Opie was still laughing.

"Bye Gillian! I hope you can to our house to see my new Ben 10 toy, he's awesome!" Lyla told me once that Piper wasn't a very talkative child. I was happy that he was speaking to me.

* * *

My day was great! I dare to say that it was almost perfect. I even called Milla to ask which was Koz's favorite brew, so I went to buy some for him at the store. Just because I don't drink like him, doesn't mean that I have to deprive him the things that he likes.

I got everything ready. Today I made chocolate fondue and I waited to hear the sound of his bike, which was another thing I was getting used to. Meanwhile, I sat on the couch with Nanook beside me and started to knit a coat for baby Espy and baby Abel. It was the first time I'd put a little reaper on it and let me tell you, it was looking good.

Koz was late. We didn't establish timing or anything like that. But, after three hours of waiting and he didn't show, I was starting to feel really worried. You start to imagine all sorts of things.

What if the Russians got him? Oh, no. What can I do in this situation? I didn't exactly have an SOA manual with me.

I took my phone, ready to call Gemma, when I heard the sound of his bike. I was beyond relieved.

I took off running, with Nanook behind me. When I took a good look at him, I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Hey doll" It was Kozik, alright. And, at the same time, it wasn't "Sorry for my delay, but me and the boys had a friendly drinking competition" He burped and started to stagger towards me.

"Guess who won?" He could barely stand up. I was surprised that he made it this far, driving his bike. I've never seen this side of him. But, it was a part of him and I had to get used to it.

"Koz, come on. Let's get some coffee and then you can tell me all about it." I tried to help him to stand still, but the more I helped, the less it worked. He seemed to weigh a ton and I felt incredibly small with him like that. I started to feel breathless. Focus Gillian, now is time to help your friend.

"Yer reeeeeally pretty, did ya know that?" I could only identify the scotch and whiskey from his breath. The rest was a mystery to me.

"I mean it. I can't take my eyes of you…"I thought he was going to vomit, but it turns out it was a false alarm.

"…or my hands" When I felt him trying to squeeze me, I lost it and let him fall on the ground.

I regretted it. This was Kozik, my real friend. For more that this situation bring me the worst feeling of déjà-vu, I couldn't let him be like this. It's Koz, for God's sake!

"I can't see you like this. Come on, let's get you up." I used all my strength to get him up and, this time I did it. He was dangerously close to me and I could testify that his breath would wake the dead.

"Come on doll, give me some luv." Next thing I knew, his lips were forced on mine and his hands were gripping me, very strong for a drunk man.

_I can't do this._

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"The slap was so strong that he nearly fell down again. At least I realized that I still had it.

"WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, SOME SORT OF CROW-EATER OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT?" His eyes were huge. I could care less about his state now. He tried to take advantage of me.

"I thought I could trust you! What's wrong with me? I know better than that!" Nanook started to growl as he tried to stand up. He tricked my dog too, bastard.

"Get out of here before I let my dog eat your legs" I was angry and hurt. I couldn't believe I let myself to trust somebody and he took advantage of me like that.

_Never again._

* * *

_My arms and legs are so __small. I'm so tiny. I can barely see from this dark room I'm in._

_"__Please, please, let me out." I tried to run, but there was no use. I was like a little mouse trapped on a cage. And then, the door was open and a man came in. He was enormous. His belly was so big that I could barely see his yellow teeth._

_"Hey __there, pretty girl. Aren't you a cute thing?" I tried to dodge the drunk, but he was much taller and faster than me. The only thing I could do was to reach the door and started to punch it._

_"MOMMY__, MOMMY! PLEASE, LET ME OUT!"I could see clearly her heels from the crack under the door, but she made no attempt to help me. She never did. And then, I felt my face make contact with the cold concrete._

_"WILL YOU SHUT __UP!" He spit on my face "Now, be a good girl, like your mommy told you" My fingernails were bleeding from my useless fight._

_"On your knees and open your mouth"_

* * *

I woke up to the sound of my own scream. It was just a dream. It wasn't real. Not anymore. I haven't had those dreams in years, and now…

God, my head is killing me! My heartbeat was erratic and I could barely stop to shake. I need to focus. Get up Gillian, get up.

With the little strength I had left, I managed to stand up, still shaking. But the minute I did, I puked on the floor and fell. Just great.

I had to crawl my way to the bathroom. It's not like anyone was going to see me like that. I had no strength to make a single move when I reached the shower. I let the cold water wash me over until my lips turned blue. I took the sponge and started to rub it so hard and was satisfied only when my skin was red.

_I felt so dirty._

I was going to stay like that until the sick feeling and all those fucked up emotions that were trying to consume me went away.

But, they never did.

* * *

My neck was killing me. Why? Because I slept on my bathroom floor. What did I want, that Nanook scoop me in his paws and put me back in bed after cleaning my vomit?

Yeah, right.

I told myself that I wasn't going through with this ever again. Nobody was allowed to make me feel weak, I wouldn't let it happen.

But, I did.

And this caused me more pain than I could've ever remembered. What was the point in trusting people if they just took advantage of you?

I was a mess today. I couldn't think straight. Luckily, Tara was there with Milla and Espy, so I could go to the hospital.

"Hey Gillian. Are you ok?" I hadn't really seen Milla this morning; she was with Espy and Tara when I walked in. So I just started to fix some things for her to reach better because of her shoulder and put the meds were they belonged. Then I'd go and try not to kill anyone with my clumsiness at the hospital today.

"Hi Milla." My shaky hands dropped her daughter's bottle. Crap.

"Here, let me help you with that." She did what I couldn't. Some nurse I am. This room was becoming too small for me. I had to go.

"The rest of the meds are on the left drawer and the fruit's in the fridge. Sorry Milla, but I have to go now." I got my purse and left with no room for argument.

"Already, Gillian? Wait, let me call Koz and he'll…"I turned around and my icy glare stopped her.

"I don't want him anywhere near me." And then I left.

* * *

**That was sad! What do you think is going to happen next?**


	14. One Day at the Time

**Thank you soooooooooo much for your reviews! They're**** really special to me! I'd like to thank starzn, Angel N Darkness, FunnyMick, Dutch'76, JJ-Jefferu and ROCK!**

**Milla, little Espy, Gerard, Carmen and Kostya Putlova all belong to the amazing ****MelanthiaChase**

**I only own Gillian, Nanook and Lola.**

* * *

One Day at the Time

Gillian's POV

_I'm not ok_. It was with a lot of luck that I went through part of my morning without mixing up any of the patient's medication.

My life was perfectly fine, until _he_ came along. My only concerns were to remember to feed my dog and work at the hospital, simple things for a simple person. And I was ok with that. In fact, my life was great!

And now, suddenly, I'm having these thoughts about _him_ and how _he_ made me feel good. Of course that was only my imagination.

I should have just shaken it off, like it was nothing and just continued with my life. But no, I don't know who I'm more pissed right now: Me, for being so incredibly stupid and naïve for thinking that my life could be any different than it is now or _him_, for doing that to me.

_Let's blame both, then._

I can do this. It's just ripping it off like a band aid, right? So, why am I feeling so tired and sad?

Partially, because this never happened to me before. I mean, I've never had, or thought I had, someone who showed, apparently, this much affection to me.

_Kozik did._

I can't even think of his name, or this strange pain on my chest starts. I must be having a minor heart attack. I really needed to see a cardiologist about this.

I will forget this, all of this. But the 28 missed phone calls, 7 texts and 15 voice messages on my cell were a constant reminder to me. I deleted them all.

I had to leave early to work because; even Nanook looks depressed, with his sad puppy eyes. He hurt my dog, the bastard!

I need to get away. I don't want to see him again. Which means that I'll have to cut my time short with Milla and little Espy, along with the rest of the club, which held a spot in my heart. Another thing lost. He means more to Milla than me, so it's the right thing for me to do. Besides, it won't be a great loss, for her at least. She already had more than her fair share of them in a short period.

So, it's all set. I'll talk to Gerard, who's one of the most competent nurses I've ever met. He takes his job very seriously, and he's great at it. The best of all is that he's got previous experience working at home with patients, so it won't be a problem.

No worries, everything is going to be ok. Then, why do I feel this increasingly sharp pain on my chest and this urge to cry? I didn't do anything wrong.

And, above all, I'm starting to get paranoid. Ever since I left for work this morning, I have this feeling on the back of my neck like someone is watching me. It must be only my imagination.

* * *

Kozik's POV

Fuck. Shit. Hell! I screwed up, BIG TIME! I have flashbacks of what happened to me after my 8th shot of whiskey with the boys, and that's it. Later on, it's all one big fucking blur.

All I know is that I did something bad to Gilly. The first person who I swore to protect that matters more to me than myself. A person who's not SAMCRO.

"Jesus Christ, what happened to him? He get hit by a truck?" I couldn't distinguish the voices that surrounded me, or where I was, the only thing I knew was that they were men.

"We don't know. Me and the girls just got here and found him this way. We tried to take him to one of the rooms, but he's too damn heavy!" Female, with cheap perfume and a high pitched voice. Croweaters.

They're so different from my Gilly. She can't even be compared to them. My nurse is unique.

"Thanks Lola. Let's take him off the floor. Chibs, you pick his feet and Opie take his arms. I don't want the women to see him sleeping in his own puke." I remember the slap she gave me. And man, it was a strong one. Why did she do that?

She smelt so fucking good! I just needed to feel her a bit more. Closer…

_Oh, fuck no!_

* * *

Gillian's POV

It was harder than I thought possible. When I got to the children's wing, they all started to ask me at the same time where my blond friend was.

"He's not coming kids." The words came out of my mouth without me thinking and I felt awful when I saw the look of disappointment on their faces. Most of them face the seclusion everyday and to lose someone they considered as a friend was a shock. I know how they're feeling.

"But, I'm still here. Don't I count? I'm not going anywhere." It was the truth. Soon, we were all entertained in a game of Battleship that one of the twins' father brought for them. The girls were winning, of course.

"You shouldn't be in here, nurse." I stood up to face the person that was trying to sound menacing to me. It worked on the kids. I really, _really_ didn't need that today. Thanks to her, the kids were glued by fear to their beds.

It was a woman, brunette, a few inches shorter than me. I guess she thought that just because she wasn't wearing scrubs, that gave her the right to boss around the nurses.

"And who are you?" I know I should be polite, or at least try to be. But, this woman just scared little kids in recovery and caught me on a really bad day.

"I'm Carmen Ortega, the new Physical Therapist. And you should be working, aren't you, nurse?" Lord knows I try to be a nice person. I really do. But, one of the things about me is when I reach a certain level of anger; I don't have a bitch attack like most women. No, I turn cold.

"Welcome to Saint Thomas, Miss Ortega, and I'm Nurse Smith. I won't be working with you later on, or even cross your schedule or area of expertise. I work with children, elderly people and pregnant women. And what I do in my free time only concerns me. If I'm here with these kids it's because I'm allowed to, their parents and the hospital staff are ok with it. The only person who's not allowed to be in here is you. Now, please leave." She lost the fake tenderness on her eyes that didn't fool me and turned around with the heels that probably cost more than my house. Good, just leave me be, I'm not looking for trouble, but I won't back out because some stuck up physical therapist.

"Thank you, Gilly." Just seeing their smiley faces made my day a little better. They didn't deserve to be put in this much stress.

"We don't like this new Doctor, she looks mean." Yep, she does. And she's crazy if she thinks I'm gonna let her lay a hand on people I care about.

"As if I'd let my little angels by themselves?" I don't like that woman. My instinct never fails me. Well, it did,_ once_.

"Now, who's ready to hear a story?"

* * *

Four unanswered calls, all from Gemma. Last night I was at Milla's and told her that I couldn't keep up with her schedule due to the change of my shift at the hospital. I was sad, but it was the only to do it. She bought it. So, I introduced her to Gerard. They hit it off right away. He's a great guy, I'm sure he'll help her more than I will in my current state.

For some reason, I still feel bad. It's like a pain in my stomach that just won't go away. And on top of that, I still have this feeling of being watched. It's unnerving.

"Hiding from me, Nurse Smith?" I tried to avoid Tara too. I'm not sure why; it seemed like a good idea at the time.

"No Tara, I'm not. And how are…you and the rest?" I mentally slapped myself. I didn't want to know how he was doing. I could care less.

"We're all …fine, sorta. I mean, Milla and Espy are fine. Gerard is a good nurse. But, Kozik…I'm not sure. I tried to talk to him yesterday, but he wasn't exactly very talkative…or alive it seemed." I don't care. Not one bit. Right?

"I know it's none of my business but, did you two have a fight?" I wasn't going to answer her, but at the same time I didn't want to be rude to Tara. She never did anything to me. Thank God, I was saved by her phone ringing.

"Doctor Knowles. Yes, hi Gemma how did you…Yeah, she's right here. Hold on a second" She handed me the cell, looking apologetic.

"Hel…"

"_You just don't ignore my calls, missy. You better show up at my doorstep after your shift is over, or else I'm gonna break my house arrest and drag you by that long hair of yours"_ And then she hung up.

I guess when my shift is done; I'm going to Gemma's then.

* * *

What am I doing here? I can just turn around and go back to my home, but I didn't. Instead, I rang the doorbell and an angry Gemma appeared at the door for me. I smelt something good coming from the kitchen, so she couldn't be that mad.

"Nice of you to grace me with your presence. Now, get in" And I did.

She spent the first 15 minutes yelling and gesturing at me. When she realized

that none of that had an effect on me, she stopped.

"What happened Gillian? Kozik looks like shit, he barely talks to us and I can't get a hold of my favorite nurse. Tell me what happened"I wasn't feeling sorry about Kozik's apparent state of guilt. He brought this on himself. But the club was, and they were right to care. After all, they're his family.

"I'm not another one of your minions, Gemma." there it was again. The cold tone of my voice that Ms. Ortega was so kindly was spreading to the entire hospital – Nurse Icy, she called me. And, you know what? She's right.

"You can't boss me around. I'm not a pawn for you to play with." I thought she was going to be pissed and yell again. She didn't.

"You're not a pawn, Gilly." She spoke so calmly…maternal even. "You're my friend and my counselor, who I call when I need an opinion or to let something out of my chest. I know I can count on you, the same way you can count on me." I never thought I'd see the biker Queen soft like this. It was a relief for me. I only noticed my tears when they slipped trough my fingers.

"Do you think that there's something wrong with me?" I didn't realize that my question slipped through my lips.

_Was there something wrong with me?_

"Of course not, sweetie. Why do you say that?" Suddenly, having Gemma there, concerned about me, unleashed a wave of emotions in me and I started to cry. To me, it was something to be ashamed of, but I just couldn't help it now.

So, I told her what Kozik did. Her expression was unreadable, but before she said anything, I made her promise not to tell anyone about it.

And then I left.

* * *

I can't believe Milla did that to me! Invite me to her house just to put me face to face with the man I told her I didn't ever want to see again? That's just…mean.

I thought we were friends. Apparently, I was wrong…again.

Damn, these tears just won't stop any time soon. I must be getting soft with age. I blame them for distracting me while driving. That's why I lost control of my car and drove off the road.

Now, what?

* * *

Kozik's POV

First goes the tires, then the leather seats and then the doors. If there's anything left after that, I'll be shooting it too.

What gave Milla the right to barge in my life like that? She saw that I was miserable. Did she really just have to make everything fucking worse?

"We need to talk to you man" Great, the nanny squad. A.k.a: Piney, Opie and Chibs.

"Fuck off" I'm really not in the mood to deal with anyone after the little stunt that Milla pulled.

"What the hell brother? You just packed up and left Milla. What's wrong with you? She was just trying to help. You made the same promises that we did." I stopped shooting and looked at them. They saw the cold SaA, not the happy go luck Koz.

"She had no right to do that. Now, how am I going to fix things with Gillian?" I knew I sounded desperate. But I was. "Do any of you know/? Because I haven't got a fucking clue."

I shoot from the corner of my eye and got the left tire. The prospects are too scared to get close to me these days. And with good reason.

"Son, you need to calm down. Gillian is a nice girl, I'm sure that whatever happened between the two of you can be put aside if you just talk to her." Chibs was trying to get my gun while Piney tried to talk me down. They weren't succeeding.

"Thanks, old man. But it's not that easy." I saw that Opie trying to look menacing. He wasn't succeeding either.

"Well, maybe if you weren't such a dickhead and let Milla help you, you would actually have chance." That was it. Who's Opie to tell me anything?

"Oh, yeah? And who are you to judge me, Ope? After Donna died you took off and let the club take care of your kids. How's that for good example?" I didn't want to pick a fight with my brother, but I'd get anything I could.

"Ok ladies, you're both pretty. Now, let's break it up. I'm gonna take my hothead son inside. Chibs, you know what to do." Piney grabbed Opie by the shoulder and guided him toward the clubhouse.

* * *

Gillian's POV

It's a new day and I'll do my best for it to be great. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and my shower is not so cold today. Also, I haven't seen a single cut or bike so far.

"Morning Gillian" Me and my big mouth.

"Opie, hi. Hi Piper." When the little boy looked at me, I felt a pang in my stomach. He looked so sad.

"What's wrong sweetie?" He was sniffling, never a good sign.

"You told me that you were going to our house and play with us. You lied." Oh, no. I forgot about the kids. I didn't mean to.

"I'm really sorry Piper. I didn't forget you guys, I could never do that. Please, forgive me?" I knelt to his eye level and saw his eyes sparkling. Opie laughed beside us.

"Piper, why don't you go and get something from the vending machine I need to talk to Gillian for a minute." Even with Opie not being his biological father, he still treated Piper like a son.

Oh, boy. Here we go. I was ready to dodge every question possible he might ask me about Kozik. To my surprise, he didn't.

He told me about some Russian guy called Kostya Putlova. He checked in this morning to get Botoxed. It seems that this fellow became a problem to the club and they want to "solve" that problem. So he asked me to help him get access without anyone knowing. Just turn my eyes while one of the Sons comes and fixes the problem.

Of course, I was going to say no. I might eventually kill a person here and there, but only when I think is necessary. I'm not a serial killer. Like I said, I have my own moral code.

But then, he told about his fetish with 14 year old boys. In my place to work? What are the odds! He's practically begging me to kill him. Who am I to say no to that?

"I understand that this may sound…"

"It's taken care of." I don't think he was ready with my answer that soon.

"What? Are you sure? I mean, I tried to talk to Tara and…"I don't work with a crowd.

"No Tara. There's no need to drag her into this. Besides, she's pregnant; this might not be good for her or the baby. And this type of procedure can be dangerous if you don't measure the medication properly." It was a convincing argument, and partially true.

"Alright then…if you say so, Gillian. This will be a favor to the club, so anything you need, just ask us" I was too busy picturing ways to get rid of Mr. Putlova to pay attention to Opie.

"Sure, sure. Anything for the club, Opie. I'll let you know when it's done." He nodded, then looked confused. I guess he wasn't quite sure what I meant.

"You better go now. I don't want anyone here to think it's suspicious to have a son here when a Russian dies." At this point, Piper came back, with his hands full of chocolate and I promised that later I was going to take him, Kenny and Ellie to have ice cream. Opie still looked confused but led Piper out.

* * *

"Gilly, you came!" I was practically tackled to the ground by the kids when I reached the doorbell of Opie and Lyla's place.

"Hi there, little people. Ready to go?" Opie came in time, with a small smile on his face, a bit suspicious.

"Hi Gillian, everything alright?" I didn't want to talk about that in front of the children, or anyone for that matter. So I asked them to pick up their toys and put on the back of the car.

"Sorry about my delay Opie, but we had a lot to do at the hospital this afternoon. Yeah, the poor man had on OD of Botox. Nasty stuff" He winced, picturing the scene. And he was right. It wasn't pretty at all.

"What did you do Gillian? No one called you yet; we haven't even made the final vote." He looked at me sternly but I ignored him. The kids were almost here. It was time to go.

"_I_ didn't do anything, Opie; the Botox caused a bad reaction. Got it?" I don't know what he saw in my eyes that time, but he backed off.

Now it was time for some ice cream.

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	15. Just Fine

**I only own Gillian, Nanook and Mrs. Asterman**

**Thanks to my super amazing beta MelanthiaChase. She's THE BEST! THANK YOU!**

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Just Fine

I'm ok. I'm always ok. In fact; I'm the perfect example of the ok girl, or whatever that means. I just had a great time with the kids enjoying a nice ice cream and then I took them back to their parents. Because that's what nice people who are ok do.

And now I'm here, alone.

Which is good! I like being alone. I'm used to it, I have no complaints about that. Just me and my thoughts.

"Au! Au!" And my incredible dog, of course. I could never forget about Nanook. I could never ask for a better dog.

So, why am I feeling like I'm missing something? When Nanook pulled at my leg, I realized that I was washing his fur with my tears. When did that happened?

"Oh no, honey. I'm so sorry." I patted the couch for him to sit and hugged him, in seconds his head was in my leg and I was scratching his ears. It was a nice habit.

"I'm ok, don't worry. I know this face Nanook, everything is fine." His big, brown eyes looked straight into mine. I knew what he was thinking:** Liar**.

"It's just me and you. We're a good team, aren't we? You've put up with me a lot through the years buddy."

* * *

_I'm fine_

_I'm fine_

_I'm fine_

_I'm fine_

_I'm fine_

If I keep repeating this to myself, maybe it might come true. I saw this on a commercial on TV after dodging the Nicholas Sparks movie marathon. To my luck, my DVD player broke too and I don't know anyone who can fix it. It's just another thing to add to my endless list of broken things.

"Nurse." I had this strange feeling on the back of my neck that Mrs. Murphy was calling me. Since I didn't look behind me and I kept walking, I couldn't say for sure.

"Nurse Smith." Ok, it was definitely her, and she was surely calling me. Maybe, if I just enter one of the empty rooms around the corner, I'll lose her.

"Tara, hi!" No such luck. Apparently, this room has just been recently empty, and Tara was here to get the patient's chart.

"Please, don't tell anyone you just saw me, especially Mrs. Mur…"I went to hide behind the curtains. Yes, childish, but effective.

"Nurse Gillian Smith." Great! Apparently I wasn't the best in hide and seek.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but, I didn't see you come in this morning." Tara was still in the room, which made me feel a little embarrassed.

"I didn't see you leave the other night, for that matter" Ok, a lot embarrassed.

"In fact, no one saw you leave this hospital for the last couple of days. And those bags under your eyes confirm my suspicions." Maybe I'm not looking my best right now, but I had a good reason.

"How long have you been working, Gillian?" Now, Tara too? Just perfect!

"I might have stayed a little longer than my schedu…"Partially true.

"How long, nurse?"

"59 hours…" I don't know which was more evident on their faces: shock or sadness.

"What? That's against regulations! This is not only bad for you, but our patients too! Did you stop to think about that?" I'd never jeopardize the patients.

"Mrs. Murphy, everything is fine! I swear. No one died under my watch, I can handle it." This was a poor excuse, but it was true: I didn't switch any medication or forget to turn on the machines. I know what I'm doing.

"I don't want to hear any of this. Nurse, go home and rest. NOW!" Margaret shut the door with such force that it was a miracle that no one complained.

"Gillian, Is everything ok?" I forgot that Tara was still there.

"I'm fine." When I put my weight on the chair, I started to feel the effects of the caffeine wearing off. I guess I won't need any more espressos now that I'm going home.

"Are you sure? Because quadrupling your shift sure sends the wrong message." I didn't do anything wrong. I help people. I have a good house and a Labrador for God's sake! I don't bother anybody, just live my simple life. So, why do these things keep happening to me? "Gillian?"

"I'm fine" I took my clipboard with me and went straight to the door "Bye Tara."

Why are there people that don't put any effort into anything and get everything? While others work so hard just to have a little peace and can't find even that? It's not fair!

I'm not talking about me only. No, I'm not so "special". I see it everyday at the hospital, people losing their loved ones or discovering that they don't have as much time in this world as they thought.

Where is the justice in that?

"I'm sorry sir." I was so engrossed in my own world, looking for my car, that I didn't notice the wall smelling like leather that I just hit. I just kept walking, well more like stumbling, with my head down.

"Gillian?" I know that voice. Oh, no. I definitely do not need that right now. "Please, stop. I need to talk to you."

This isn't happening! I really can't deal with it right now. Not when there's so little caffeine left in my body.

"I'm fine." It's all too much. Too much Kozik, too many conflicts, too many emotions. Too much! "I'm fine."

I just need to go home and…

"WILL YOU STOP AND LOOK AT ME FOR A SECOND?" There wasn't a soul in the parking lot, but I was sure that the people across the street heard him. "I'M SORRY!"

I took the courage and turned around. I didn't know that I'd find such pain and sorrow, identical to mine in someone else's face.

"I screwed up. Big time. But I'm so sorry for what I did." He seemed sincere. Did he really mean it? "Can you forgive me?"

He seemed sincere the last time too, and look where that got me.

"I don't believe in a word that comes out of your mouth, _Ken._" I turned around. It was better this way. He's sorry? Fine, not my problem.

"What, are you just going to walk away? Right cause it's so easy for you to do that!" I did stop, and my anger wasn't enough to show at my face.

"Stop it." He had **no idea** what he was talking about.

"Stop, why? Oh, that's right! Because we never talk about you miss I'm-too-

mysterious. You're much too fragile, porcelain; to let someone actually come near you!" I couldn't have cared less if someone was watching. All I could see was his face looking sick, like he'd just thrown up.

"You asshole!" I start to throw punches at him, not caring if I was acting like a little girl "You ruined everything! My life was great before you showed up! And then sudden I start to have these feelings and this constant pain in my chest and I feel like I'm choking. You big jerk!"

There was no sound, not even a car passed by when I was done. I was never this impulsive before. What had I done?

"Why did you do that to me?" I felt my tears before I saw them. We were both tired and I wanted answers.

"Gilly, I…"It was much for me. I threw up on the ground, and my knees started to give.

I thought I was going to pass out, but he held me. Shit, I was in bad shape.

"Come on, let's get you home. We'll talk when you feel better." I tried to push him out of my way, to send a very clear message that I didn't want anything to do with him. But the minute I got on my own two feet, I started to fall again. And again, he caught me.

"I still don't want to talk to you." I was just so tired. Maybe it was the fact that the caffeine in my system really was gone now.

"It's ok .I just wanna get you home safe." I had the impression that he held me tighter, but I was so groggy that it was probably my imagination.

* * *

I had no idea what time it was when I woke up. I just felt like I ran a marathon and then stopped to sleep. That's how tired I was.

I remember that Kozik took me home with my car and walked me to my front door. And then, I walked in and closed it in his face.

"Come on Nanook, let's get up and spy on the neighbors cute Doberman you've been drooling over." Yes, my dog is in love. Good for him. I just don't know if I'm ready to become a grandma yet.

When I opened the door, I saw this delicious breakfast basket on my steps. I didn't think the mailman would be that friendly in small towns.

And it was a **full** basket! Breads, cakes, mini pies ad fruits. Someone put a lot of trouble into this. Maybe it was Mrs. Asterman across the street. She probably knows more people than me, considering the fact that my only family member is Nanook. Good thing there was a tiny card in it.

"_Tara told me what happened. What were you thinking? Eat! We'll talk later. Koz"_

Ok, so…um, I better get ready to have my answers then.

"Oh, don't look at me like that Nanook."

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	16. I Want You

**Thank you sooooooooo much for your reviews! You guys are great!**

**Milla and Chantal belong to the wonderful and super a-m-a-z-i-n-g MelanthiaChase. You're the best!**

**I only own Franky's Coffee Shop, Gillian, Andy, little Donny, Nanook, Mr. and Mrs. Asterman and Micka.**

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I Want You

Kozik's POV

I'm a grown man. I've seen and done things that could turn other men into chickens. I do it all without breaking a sweat.

I'm Ken Kozik, proud SaA of the Sons of Anarchy and have always feared nothing!

Well, things aren't so simple anymore.

I'm used to going to a place and being treated like royalty, because of my cut, and let's face it, my good looks help too. I gotta say that has done wonders for my ego. It's part of who I am; I embraced it a long time ago.

So, why do I feel like a lost puppy begging its owner to take it back?

I guess that, in a way, that's partly true. I feel lost without her. Any member of my family can attest to that, especially Milla. Poor kid was just trying to help.

But after I got Gilly's text, telling me to meet her at Franky's Coffee Shop in two hours, I was as happy as Bobby when someone compliments his food.

For once, since I fucked up my chances with Gilly, things started to look good for me again. Maybe, like Tara sometimes says, I really do have someone up there watching over me.

There were a few waitresses checking me out like I was a piece of meat. I used to love that. Why? I had no idea. It just doesn't make sense to me anymore if Brandy, Natasha or Nicole think I'm man enough for them. That's just prospect talk.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiii, Koz!" Oh, shit. Not this again. Can't they just stay away?

"Hi, Jamie." If I hear another girlish laugh, I'll break this table

"It's Andy silly." Right. Could care less, "Did you forget about me already? I know we haven't seen each other much these days, but I know you remember how _close_ we used to be. Remember?"

Not really. And my patience was running thin already.

"That's great. Can you get me two coffees and some bread sticks too? Thanks doll." I guess she didn't like it very much. Fuck that, I was sweating like a pig already, too nervous to be worried about some fake red head trying to become a cow-eater.

What if she didn't show up? No, she said to meet her here. I was early, something that almost never happened, Milla can confirm that. She said that I took longer than a woman. I never understood what she meant, but when Chantal started to say the same, I tried to reduce my prep time. Man, Tiggy would be choking with laughter at me right now.

Maybe that's why I wasn't sure if I should've cried or yelled when I saw her in the parking lot yesterday, I knew that my chances to see her were minimum, but I had to try.

She looked so fragile. Didn't even have the strength to look up from the ground. She looked…almost as bad as I was.

I had everything ready in my mind, since I played it over and over again since that dreadful day, and even asked for Lyla's help as I chose my words carefully: I was going to find her and, as calmly as I could, talk to her. I'd apologize to her for being a jerk and treating her that way, even crawl if I had to, and we'd work things out.

Did it work? Of course not! No, I just **have** to fuck things up! Tiggy once told me that everything I touched turned to shit. I was starting to believe him.

That's why I need Gillian. She keeps me sane, grounded, she just…keeps me here. And, as cheesy as it may sound, when I'm with her, I don't want to be anywhere else.

It's completely different from when I used to fuck random women and croweaters and used heroin or other drugs just to escape. When I was sober on the next day with no idea what I'd done, it was hell all over again.

Many of my brothers from other charters did that, and many of them were dead before turning 40. I guess that why little Donny told me once that _when you find a good woman, you keep her, no matter what. __**And don't screw up**_**. **I should've listened to him.

That's why I don't even think about doing that to my nurse. I get sick with the thought of it.

I played, again, every step in my head. Luckily, I was going to be smart this time. I didn't want her to be upset like before; it was useless and only made her more distant from me. Stupid, dumb blond.

"Here." Brandy, or Jamie dropped my order and walked away. She realized that I was being serious. Good.

When the door opened I held my breath. There she was. Seriously, how can she look even more beautiful every day? That's not natural. How can one woman dominate the space with her mere presence? Gemma can do that, but she's a queen.

Gilly? She's a goddess.

* * *

Gillian's POV

Ok, so I'm calm. I can do this. I've chosen a public place, with lots of witnesses passing by all the time. It's all good. And, just for reassurance, I brought my glock in my purse. You can never be too safe, that's what Henry always said.

Ok, so I might be a little nervous. Nanook chose today to play Don Juan. Stupid dog crush. Mr. Asterman told me that it was ok to let him "court" his Doberman, Micka for a while. I didn't think that Mrs. Asterman liked that very much. She doesn't look like she approves the idea very much anyway.

She doesn't look like she likes me either; or anyone for that matter. I guess that's why Mr. Asterman was so eager to have another person to talk to in his house, even if it's a dog.

Still, Nanook, the dog I've known since he was a little puppy, that I always took such good care of in all the good and bad times, left me all by myself today? BACKSTABBER!

Just wait until he's got his own puppies. I'm so not going to help them. No, that's not true. I'm a sucker for puppies.

_You can do it Gillian. Just, take a deep breath and open the door. _Why am I so afraid? Natural reaction, I suppose. I just never had anyone try to make amends after hurting me. That was new.

And that's why I was so scared.

I didn't have a hard time finding the giant with the James Dean attitude. Kozik was so tall that, even sitting, he made the whole place look smaller.

But, I wasn't impressed by any of that. Not anymore.

I took tree long steps and soon I was within his reach. One of the advantages of being tall is having long legs. Henry used to call me "Ostrich legs".

"Thanks for coming Gilly. I know you're probably very busy." I nodded and took the seat furthest away from him and closer to the door. My purse was at my side if I needed it.

"You were pretty convincing with the basket…" I didn't know what to do .I wanted to scream and hit him. But I didn't. "…thanks"

"It's the least I could do after…I…"He looked so small, like Piper or Kenny .I didn't think it was possible for a man like Kozik to look so fragile. Why?

"Scared the crap out of me and treated me like dirt?" If possible, his head sunk even more.

"Look, Gilly…"He had no right to call me that anymore "…Gillian. I'm sorry. I can't stop repeating how much of a jerk I was and how ashamed I am for what I made you go through. It was stupid and inexcusable." He said it without breathing "But the truth is, I got scared."

It was my turn to look confused. Why would a man like him be afraid of anything?

"Scared of what?" I told myself I wasn't going to act like this. I fell for his game once and that was enough. Still, I'm intrigued by him. Why would Kozik want to explain himself to me? He didn't look like the kind of person who would do that very often.

"Of you." What? He can't be serious! "I'm scared of how you make me feel."

He reached for my hand across the table and, despite my judgments, I didn't take it back. It was like I was in some sort of trance.

"I think about you more than I think about myself. I'm always worried about whether you're ok or need protection. You make me laugh and think about things I never questioned before. I know that's no excuse for my actions that day, but I was so scared of doing something dumb around you that I drank to feel a little looser." Why do his eyes have to shine like that? I can't move.

Not a single waitress came near out table. I guess they were scared. For some reason, I wasn't anymore. Because I recognized the Koz I know on those shinning eyes.

Yes, what he did was incredibly stupid. He made a mistake and I got as mad as hell because of that. But, if there's only thing I learnt in life it's that we're not perfect, only human.

"Can you forgive me?" His voice was cracking, but he kept going strong, not even blinking, or else he might cry. "Can we please, just start over?"

Could I? When I first got here, I never expected to get so involved with a man like Kozik, so connected that my body aches without him. My life was simple, and I was content with that.

But, the problem was that he was interested in the idea he had of me. Not the real me. And he wouldn't like the real me.

"I can't. I can't meet to your expectations Koz." The problem wasn't him anymore; it was me. It always is.

"You think I'm some kind of special person, but I'm not. I can't give you what you want." I never been more sincere to someone before, but he deserves at least that of me.

"I'm not made of porcelain; I'm not a goody two shoes, Koz. I'm…ugly, inside, and I don't want you to see it because I care about you so much…"I stopped myself before I could say anything else.

Was all this pain I was going through because I had feelings for him?

_Yes_.

He circled the table and sat beside me. Gently, he took my hands from my mouth. I didn't know how I wasn't crying yet.

"I'm a mess. I'm damaged beyond repair." I lowered my eyes and then I felt the tears coming "You don't deserve to be with someone like me."

**There**. Everything that I wanted to say to scare the crap out of him, I did. Most men would be walking away by now, without looking back.

But not Kozik apparently.

I felt his calloused hands cleaning my tears. It was a foreign sensation, and I liked it. So tender and simple.

"Don't you think I'm grown up enough to decide what I want for my life?" I froze. Did he really just say that? Why?

"I know what I see in you Gilly. You're a loving, caring woman who takes care of everybody and tries to pass unnoticed so others can't see how beautiful you are." I was going to protest, but when he put his hands on my face, I lost all focus I could hold at that point.

"And if you tell yourself otherwise, you're just plain blind." He wiped the next tear.

"We're not all saints, Gilly. I guess I can say that from personal experience." A tiny smile appeared on my mouth "And I know that you won't wanna talk about it today or tomorrow. But when you do, I'll be ready to listen to you. Because I'm gonna be there for you, whether you like it or not. Even if you kick me out and send Nanook to get me, I'll still go back for you."

Now I really smiled.

"I won't judge you Gilly. I could never do that" No one ever told me that before. I felt so…exposed. And I wasn't afraid of that.

"I know what I want, Gilly"His piercing eyes were staring straight into mine. We were so close.

"And I want you"

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	17. CC

**I'm so sorry for my delay everybody!But I'm back now and I'll update ALL my stories!**

**I only own Gillian,Henry,Mr and Mrs Grey ,Hope**

**Milla,Espy,Amanda Ramos,Chantal and Carmen belong to them wonderful and SUPER AMAZING MelanthiaChase. You're the best girl!**

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C.C

Gillian's POV

I consider myself a happy person. And why wouldn't I? I have everything I could possibly need. I love my job, I have a nice house that I'm nearly done restoring, and I've got a dog.

And, of course, there's Kozik. He's like a huge exclamation point in my life, completely unexpected. He's very…special to me. Special friend? Special person? I don't know what to call him. But, right now, I don't feel the need to define whatever we have between us. In fact, we've been doing well, and that's all I'm going to say.

He's just so caring, thoughtful, always guessing what I'm thinking in a way that is almost creepy sometimes. So sweet and patient when we're together, but completely nervous when we don't see each other and only talk on the phone.

It's obvious that there's something wrong with him. That's the only reasonable explanation for why a man like him spends time with someone like me.

* * *

So far, my day has been great! And, you know why? Because I've had the opportunity to witness a true mother's instinct, and it was beautiful!

Mrs. Grey had a baby girl at 2:20 pm. A couple of hours before the birth, she confided in me that she was giving her baby up for adoption and didn't want to be near her child. She said she wasn't ready to be a mom and didn't want the child to have the same life as the father and herself. A man who wasn't even with wife during this important moment.

What did she want me to say? "Congratulations, you're doing the right thing by giving your own kin away for some stranger"? HELL NO! But, before I had the chance to at least express my opinion, her doctor came in and, a few minutes later, her husband, drunker than a possum.

Of course I did my duty and assisted the mother the whole time, since the father was too busy puking in the bathroom to even hold his wife's hand.

During the entire thing I was thinking about what kind of life this child would have. Where would she go? Foster homes can be a blessing or a curse. You can't ever tell.

Believe me, I know.

Miss Grey refused to see her daughter after she was born. It made me sick. This baby wasn't the first or the last one that would be treated like that.

Some women are just not cut out to be mothers.

And she's such a perfect little girl. Healthy with rosy cheeks .With no name yet. As the hours went by, she refused to feed from the bottle.

_It's nothing to do with the baby. It's the mother. _I just can't watch that and do nothing.

* * *

"You don't want her? Fine. At least take a look at her before some very lucky woman has the right to call her her daughter." Her husband was on the chair, snoring like a pig.

"I don't want to see her." I could have cared less about what she wanted! My concern was the baby. I had to count to a hundred not to lose my calm.

"I understand. But; could you at least try to give her the bottle? She doesn't want to drink and we've been worried." reluctantly, she tore her eyes from her lap as I handed her the baby.

What happened next can be only described as a miracle.

Her eyes gained life when she looked that tiny human. I saw it! She was smiling and the kid perked up, almost like she recognized her.

I've never felt more like an outsider before.

"You're so beautiful "She kissed her daughter's tiny forehead before carefully, adjusting her blanket "And I made you. You're my baby girl "

I motioned for the bottle, but she told me that there was no need for it. She'd breast feed **her daughter**, by herself.

"We're gonna have so much fun together." Now, in moments like these, any sane parent would be thrilled. I said sane, not her husband 's case.

"I'm gonna leave you, Joe. I don't love you anymore. You're not gonna ruin our lives." Of course that the drunk didn't take things so nicely and I had to call security for his commotion.

In the end, he backed out and there was only Mrs. Grey (well, I guess it's Jordan now) her daughter and I.

"Congratulations. She really is beautiful" Both had the same happy look on their faces. And why wouldn't they? They're a family. It's moments like these that life is so beautiful to me. "What's her name?"

"Hope" The little bundle made a happy sound. I guess she liked it.

"Hope. That's a good name"

* * *

So, my day has been pretty good, you'd think that I'd learn not to be so optimistic by now.

"Nurse Gillian Smith?"I turn to see a complete stranger in front of me. Normal, considering my job. She looked too formal to be a patient.

"Amanda Ramos, you have a moment?"

Child Protect Services? Has mister Grey started his fuss already? I can't believe that a lazy man like him would act so fast.

As I took her to a more secluded area, I started to plot my defense of Miss Jordan and little Hope. There's no way he'll get the best of them.

I am a very focused person, and, not to brag, I'm very charming too. Which means I've always managed to mask my intentions well.

People just...Trust me. I don't know what it is; I guess it's something about my face or my eyes. Henry used to call me Bambi because of my wide, innocent looking eyes.

Can you imagine my shock when I found out that she was there to talk about Mrs. Ortiz and her daughter?

What's wrong with this world? Milla is an **excellent** mother! Sure, we're not on the best terms at the moment, but that doesn't change anything. She still deserves a medal for being an amazing mom.

So I did the only thing I could at the moment: I told her the truth about Milla. How caring and protective she is and the great condition their house is in and the adjustments that have been made for the baby and even put told her to call me with any further questions .I even showed her my personal notes.

She didn't think it was necessary to ask me anything else. Still; I gave her my number, just in case.

Who on its right mind could have filed such an absurd complaint? That makes no sense! Only a vile, evil, selfish, self-centered… _Carmen. _

"That bitch." I saw her coming out of one of the rooms, with a face that showed she was sick about something .What, is Ms. Ortega too important to take care of the elderly?

"I don't like her." Some of the kids complained that the _mean doctor_ isn't very patient with them. To say that I keep her under my watch is an understatement.

"Ditto sister." I didn't even noticed the tall woman appear beside me. I swear, Chantal walks like a cat.

"We need to talk Gillian" We hadn't seen each other since the incident at Milla's and honestly, I wasn't very sure how to act. "About Milla and the bullshit that monster set into motion"

My suspicions were confirmed.

I told Chantal about my former visitor and how things went. I asked her not to tell anything to Milla. I think she has enough on her mind already.

"I'm happy that we can count on you." Could it really be: Gillian, the loyal? Who knew!

"Always." it slipped out and I smiled a little. I decided to change subjects; the nurses were already giving me the eye for talking with someone from "That Motorcycle Gang."

"So, you and Phil, huh?"Chantal got so pale that I thought her blood pressure dropped. She looked that girl from the Grudge.

"What? How did you know? Who told you?" Okay, wrong question Gilly. This whole friendship thing is a bit difficult for me.

"I just thought everyone knew I mean, you two are kind of obvious. " It was true. Besides, they look so cute together. Why don't they admit it?

"You can't tell a soul, Gillian. Promise me." I realized that I overstepped my bounds. I have no idea how to handle these girly things, like talking about boys and clothes. I should've realized that they wanted to keep it low profile and who better than me to be discrete?

"Of course Chantal, I know nothing, see nothing and hear nothing." I made the cross sign on my heart, or at least what I thought it was the sign.

"We're not…official yet. Yeah, I guess you can say that." I had no idea what she meant, "We're not like you and Koz."

Ok, for the record, before I moved to charming, I didn't blush this often, or ever for that matter. I also didn't get nervous or stutter like a little girl. But now, every time that someone mentions Kozik, I get this weird feeling and the blood rushes to my face.

"What? No…w…w…we…" Worst speech failure, EVER!

"Please, Gillian. Don't even bother to deny it. You're all we hear him talk about at home. Gillian this, Gillian that. The man was a wreck after you two had that fight." My heart was heavy. I was sad too, "I'm glad you kids sorted this out."

We chatted for a few more minutes before she got a call from Phil. It was the cutest thing ever seeing those two on the phone.

* * *

My shift was over when I got a very vague call from Koz. I couldn't pinpoint what it was, but I just knew that something was wrong. Against my better judgment, I told him to meet me at my house instead of the coffee shop. It was time to let him in.

"Hey, you!" Of course, my day just had to get worse. "I'm talking to ya!"

"Yes,mister Grey ?"He lost his facade when he saw that I wasn't backing down from his apparently intimidating face.

You'd expect that a grown up man to act according his age and to respect whose to work to save lives.

Yeah,right.

"Listen to me, you…" My tolerance was running thin after my day so after his second insult, I put aside my own facade, the goody two shoes nurse.

"No, you listen to me you little prick." There was no one near the parking lot "You think that you're a real man for hitting women? Well, sometimes real men need to get hit too."

He didn't see my fist coming. Damn, now I got blood all over my new shirt.

"No one threatens me,** ever**." I picked him up by the collar and gave him a right hook. Men who hit women usually get lost when they fight back.

"And if I find out that you went after your ex-wife and her child, I'm not kidding when I say that I will fuck you up." The good, old kick to the nuts was always good to prove a point. Very effective.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" I didn't hit him so hard to make it impossible for him to speak. But the chicken only nodded.

"Good. Now, don't come back here again or I'll have to get violent. And you really don't want to see that side of me"

* * *

I parked my car the same time I saw Koz's bike. I was right, something was wrong. He looked ready to shoot something and surprisingly, I wasn't afraid.

"Koz?" He marched towards me never breaking eye contact and still fuming. I guess that's the side that most people fear: Kozik, the SaA.

He bites his lower lip when he's nervous or excited. This time, it was almost dripping blood from it.

"Come on." I don't know how I did it, but I managed to remain calm when I took his hand "let's just go inside."

I felt him relax and some of the tension on his shoulders loosened up.

"That's fucked up! Me, hurt Milla? I could never do that!" I let him release all of his anger. He told me about the CPS visit and the ridiculous assumption that Koz would have done anything to harm Milla and Espy. My skin crawled just thinking how someone could assume something stupid like that? Stupid system!

"She's my little sister! I couldn't…"

Crack

Kozik just hit my wall. Another thing I'd have to fix around here. It was becoming a habit when you buy an old house.

This whole situation is a mess. And all thanks to that damn Carmen.

"I'm so sorry Gilly. I'll fix it for you. I-I didn't mean to." His hand was bleeding pretty badly and he was worried about my wall? Wasn't he feeling any pain?

"It's ok, just bricks and paint, Koz." I inspected his hand with the most gentle care possible.

"We'll get through this, ok? We just need to stay calm and focus on a way to solve it" Since when wasn't this proximity a problem for me?

"Your hand looks bad" I massaged a bit, earning a moan from him.

"Yeah, I should probably find myself a nurse," Even in pain, he's still a player. In any other man I'd find it ridiculous and desperate; but in Koz I liked it. A lot.

"Don't you worry; I know one that can take very good care of you"

* * *

The next morning, there was no sign of Mr. Grey or any other unwanted visitors. Some people just can't handle a little roughing up.

It was during my lunch break that I found Tara and she told me about the most creative way for Ms. Ortega to understand Milla's POV. So to speak.

Of course, the plan was thought up by Milla. Well, she does have the most exquisite plans. I just hoped this one works out.

After making sure Tara wasn't doing anything heavy and eating properly, like I always do, she slapped my hand, and told me to stop treating her like a baby.

"I can't. I care about you." I guess it was the deepest thing I've ever told her. My serious expression was the last thing she saw before I left the room to finish my lunch.

* * *

I have a bathtub!

Silly to be this excited, I know. But I've always wanted one. When I first moved here, one of the neighbors told me that the last person to live here died after slipping in the tub, and that's why they removed it from the bathroom.

It was only a few weeks later that I gathered my courage to ask the realtor how the last person to live there died.

To my surprise, she assured me that the old lady didn't die at all. She only moved to another state after her retirement fund ran out. She even gave me her phone number.

Well, I guess people really didn't like her to spread this gossip. Bottom line, I just ordered my very own bathtub! And I'm happy about it. It was expensive; probably the most out of my furniture, but it was worth it. I've always wanted one.

The worst part is to have to listen all the ridiculous jokes and sad looks from the salesmen.

What year are we, 1845? Yes, I'm , I live alone, deal with it!

"That's a big bathtub for you alone, miss. Are you sure you don't want to look for other models?" YES, dammit, it's my money and I'm paying for it!

"Thank you for your attention sir. I'll take that one I chose." That was the last thing I said to that bunch of hobbits from the store.

I'm my own person, suck it!

* * *

I've decided that I'm a grown woman, not a child and I need to act like it. And if Milla needs my help to set her plan in motion, then I'll do whatever I have to help.

I'm not doing this just for her. I'm doing it for the entire family. The last thing a child like Espy needs is to lose her mommy because of a jealous bitch.

Me, being the mature and controlled person as always, decided to make things right, by going to Milla's house and talk to her.

To my surprise, she opened the door right after I knocked.

"Hi Milla." Ok, my confidence was gone. I never did the patch up thing before and I didn't know how to act.

"Hi Gillian." She wasn't doing any better than me.

I made small talk with her. Among other things, I was eager to see her daughter. The kid is just too adorable and she's grown on me.

"I was hoping I'd get to see you." If the situation was any different, I'd have laughed at her face. But now, it was time to be serious.

I've said everything I wanted to. I'd talk about this earlier with Koz when we were finishing our coffee and he said nothing at first. But I knew that smug grin well enough now to know that he was happy with my decision.

I tried to be the most polite and accurate possible, I think I did a good job at it, considering I have zero experience in the friend department.

Besides, we're both sorry and I really missed her. After that I get to see her daughter again. You wouldn't believe how much a baby can grow in a few days.

The rest of my visit, we planned on how to proceed with the she-devil.

It was just so easy for me.

* * *

"Alright Ellie, this is a very important question I'm about to ask you. Probably, the most important thing in your whole life." She nodded, eagerly. I'd been watching the kids since Lyla was out for groceries with one of the prospects. Surprisingly, when I got there with the DVDs I'd brought to watch Kenny and Piper were already on the move and grabbed the DVDs from me. They were soon entranced by the _Transformers_ and I was talking to Ellie about her birthday plans. "What do you want to do for your birthday?"

Pretty soon she'd started telling me everything she wanted and it boiled down to a Disney Channel party. Not just one show, no she wanted every show represented, but I had to be sure before I talked to Lyla about it.

"Yes, yes, I'm sure Gilly." Kids are my weakness. The way they say Gilly is just so cute. How can I tell them not to call me that? Impossible!

"Ok, Disney Channel it is then." She grinned when I started to write the list of all the things we'd need for her party. The birthday girl's opinion is the most valuable, so I have to make sure that everything will be perfect.

Ellie was very enthusiastic with her birthday. After all, you only turn nine once. She just got a little sad when I asked if she would want any kind of entertainment.

"Uncle Bobby used to do Elvis. He was the best." Gemma told me before about this. Apparently, Bobby "Elvis" was a hit at any party, especially SAMCRO.

Well, I can't let a little girl down on her birthday, can I?

* * *

On the day of the party, I got to Ellie's house earlier to help with the decorations. I'd talked to Lyla already, so everything was ready to go.

"Happy birthday Ellie!" She greeted me at the door. She looked so cute, all excited about her gifts. I hoped she liked mine.

"Thank you Gilly!"And, like every other girl of her age, she tore the box into pieces, revealing a Hannah Montana dress I got for her. According to the purple and pink haired teenager who sold this to me, it's very "in" right now.

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!" Damn, this kid can run. I have the feeling that she'll change clothes now.

"I guess she liked it." Lyla was beautiful in her green summer dress; it really made her eyes stand out. I helped her set the food up and find the balloons. To my surprise, the prospects were doing all the heavy work while Opie, Piney and Koz were "supervising".

"Would you look at that?" Lyla came beside me when we saw them laughing at how Phil and Miles miserably tried to pin up the banners. No matter what they did it was wrong, at least according to the guys.

"It's their job, Gillian. Don't worry." I couldn't say much after that, could I? Besides, the men seemed to be having fun watching the prospects do the "slave labor" as Gemma so kindly puts it.

The laughter died in my lips when I took a good look at the spikey blond that stood out from the rest of the group.

_Can he get better looking?_ Like he read my mind, Koz came straight towards me, barely dodging the running kids that were arriving with huge boxes, screaming for Ellie.

"You look so beautiful." not even a Hi or Hello. This is the greeting that I get. I'm not used to that. "Even more when you blush."

Let me make it very clear that it's not my fault when I say that I can't look away from his eyes. It's entirely his fault! With those piercing blue eyes that pull me in every time I'm near him. His fault, not mine.

"Thanks. You look good too" It was true. Koz, like the rest of the Sons, was wearing his cut and jeans. I think he'd die if he wore shorts one day. I've joked about that before once and he agreed with me.

But, the man has no shame in showing the rest of his body. And damn, his arms in his black shirt are looking fine.

I couldn't resist and gave him a peck on the cheek, brushing my hand on his bicep. I just had to feel those guns. His smile could rip his face in half.

"I like your dress." He touched the fabric of my clothes and I shivered involuntary. That didn't go unnoticed by him. "I've never see you wearing a dress before. I liked it."

Alright, I _might_ have chosen a blue dress because he told me that this was his favorite color. But I'll never admit that to anyone. Ever.

"You left earlier yesterday and I didn't get the chance to ask you something." Were we really that close or is the party already over? Because I couldn't hear anyone else.

"Do you wanna be my date at Ellie's party?"I giggled, and I **never** giggle.

"Wouldn't be a little late for that? The party kinda already started." From the corner of my eye I saw Tara sitting with Milla and staring at us. For some reason, they were grinning.

"I wouldn't miss the chance to spend a minute more with you." His mouth was just really close to mine. I could've drowned in those eyes. And I wouldn't mind.

"I'd love to"

* * *

Kids deserve to have their fun. This is a rule of mine, and I take it very serious. And that's why I'm about to do what I'm about to do.

* * *

Kozik's POV

You can't trust a prospect with food. Especially not Miles, he'd eat a rock if you tell him to. You'd think Phil, the big man that he is, would be the one not to trust with food but nope, it's Miles. That's why I'm taking care of the grill.

"Aren't you ? I didn't know kids parties made you so happy…Stop it, it's creepy." I threw the towel at Opie, which he caught easily. He knew very well the reason for my permanent smile. Chibs started to call me Ken Doll. It was the only thing that could turn off my good mood.

"Leave the kid alone, Chibs. Koz, I'm happy for you. It's about damn time you found yourself an Old Lady." Piney was never the one to give relationships advice, to anyone. So, on the rare occasions when he said something you listened.

"She's not my Old Lady…yet." When Chibs smacked my head, I almost burnt the steak.

What was that for?

"Aye, sure brother. The way you look at her? That's called eye fucking, and you have to be more discrete. There are kids here." As soon as Chibs said it, two of Ellie's friends came to ask for more food. These girls were extremely giggly and when I asked Ellie if they were high on sugar, she told me that most of them had a crush on "Ellie's tall, blond and beautiful uncle"

Kids these days. I've had to deal with same thing from Milla's high school friends.

"Ok everybody, the entertainment is here!"Lyla shouted from the back door and started to gather the kids. I didn't know that they hired someone to take Bobby's place. By the looks of Piney and Opie, neither did they.

It wasn't a clown that entered, like it usually is at kids' parties. Instead, it was a man. He was skinny, tall, dressed in a black suit, straw hat, a cane and a little mustache. And he walked funny too, with his heels together, spinning his cane.

_No fucking way. _

"I don't believe it. It's Charlie Chaplin!" Piney almost fell into the kiddie pool when the children started to laugh at the guy's clumsiness. The prospects served as "helpers" to him and that's when the laughter wouldn't stop.

Even Opie was having a hard time trying to control his laughter and drink at the same time.

I reached Milla's table and the girls were taking nonstop pictures of Ellie, Kenny and Piper with the Chaplin look alike, ready to receive a pie from the birthday girl. I sat beside Lyla when she showed me a picture of Ellie with her hands full of lemon cream.

"This was a great idea, Lyla." I sent her my knowing smirk and she winked. The rest of our group was too busy watching the whole thing to pay attention to us.

"You know very well that this wasn't my idea." Gemma was doubled over clutching her stomach when it was Piney's time for attention from the look alike.

How come nobody noticed who that man really was? It was so obvious to me!

It's all in the eyes.

Then again, I could recognize my Gilly even if she was dressed up as The Hulk.

* * *

**Liked it? Then ,review.**


	18. Our First Kiss

**So, I only received 3 reviews on my last chapter. What's the matter?**

**I'm depressed. Maybe I should just finish this, it's not like anyone cares.**

**Of, this story wouldn't be able without the huge help of my super awesome beta MelanthiaChase.I own you the world girl!**

**I don't own Carmen, Milla and Espy; they belong to the amazing MelanthiaChase and her fantastic brain. I only own Gilly and the Astermans.**

* * *

Our First Kiss

Most women, well every woman I could possibly think of, would be terrified or very nervous by what's going to happen in the next hours.

I'm not.

In fact, I just had the most perfect night of sleep and woke up feeling absolutely rested. Milla, on the other hand, is probably bursting now. Poor child.

I'm not nervous. I can't be nervous. It's not like we're going to kill Carmen. Even if we were, I wouldn't be nervous either. I never am. It's like I act mechanically.

And no, I really _can't _kill her. As far as I know, she's never killed anybody, so I'd have to let other people take care of her.

Sometimes, I wish I could get nervous about things like that; that chill you have, worrying if things are going to work or not. I don't have any of that.

_Maybe there's something wrong with me._

Naw, I already passed that stage.

The SAMCRO family seemed to accept me, and why wouldn't they? I'm just the normal, happy go luck, nurse. And I am!

We just had a wonderful time at Ellie's party; after I took my costume, the only one that surprisingly knew who the man was besides Lyla was Kozik. How did he know it, I'll never find out. Poor Ellie, she and her friends were looking for the Charlie Chaplin that disappeared from her party.

But, the funniest thing was to see all the rest of the groups' reactions; suddenly, all Piney could talk about were classic films and Gemma had to drag me inside or else he wouldn't stop. I've had a great time. I don't think I've ever had so much fun at a party before.

Actually, I can't remember the last time I was at a party.

It's the simple things that I give importance; a birthday party, classic movies, pulling a prank on a crazy PT…

As I came near to Milla's house, I checked my phone, 12 messages from Koz; even at the party, we couldn't find a minute to be alone, and it seemed that he really wanted to tell me something, but Ellie was so insistent and it was her party. I couldn't say no to her. He looked like a sad little puppy.

So, I sent him a quick message, saying that since it was my day off, I'd call him over for lunch. He didn't need to know about my part in the revenge plot. He knows I only get to sleep in late on my day off, so after we dealt with this problem, I'd go home, take a nice shower and sleep until late. Then, I'll cook something for us and we'd spending the rest of the day watching the Police Academy movies. A perfect day.

Less than a minute and he answered me back. He should be sleeping at this hour. Why is he awake? I was about to call him when a very happy Gemma opened the door for me.

"Talking to Romeo? Let me guess, can't stay away for too long?" Why, oh why did my cheeks decide to snitch on me at this point? It's so unnerving.

"I don't know what you're talking about." But I wink and she lets me pass where I find a very calm and relaxed group, except for Milla who's jumpy. Just like I said.

"Did she get any sleep, at all?" I ask Tara as I made her sit on the couch and drink some water. Yes, even in times like these, I still worry about her.

"Not enough. I tried to tell her to rest a little, but you know how stubborn she is." Don't I know? I decided to let her be while I go watch baby Espy.

There she is, sleeping in her crib, looking more beautiful than an angel. I stayed there for a few minutes, watching her as I felt a presence approach. From the click of the heels, I don't even need to turn to see who it was.

"You have the most beautiful granddaughter." Gemma smiled at her, tucking in her blanket that was falling from her little arm.

"I know. She's perfect. Thank God she got it from her mother." I snorted and pushed her a little with my shoulder, which only made her laugh more.

"C'mon, Nana Gemma, you know that's not entirely true." She gave me a glare, but then laughed. Apparently, I was the only one brave enough to call her that. I'd have to tell Milla that later. Nevertheless, she smiled at me.

"Ever thought about having one of your own?" When Espy turned her head a little, reality came rushing back to me. What was I thinking? Only, this time, I wasn't evasive like Koz nicely put it the last time, I answered Gemma, honestly.

"More than anything." And then I left to join Lyla and the rest of the women.

* * *

I could say that I was terrified, panting and eating my nails for what we've just done. But I'm not really used to lying to myself.

I have absolute no regret for what we've just done to Carmen. At least, I hope her survival instinct is intact and that she's smart enough to get out of Charming and Milla's life.

_I hope._

Milla and Tara might have been a little frightened by my demeanor back there; they didn't say anything, but I could see it in their eyes. That's why I'm being extra careful, taking Carmen to the Charming Border. If I stepped out of my car, I might end up killing her and that wouldn't look good for me. As much as I know that it's Gemma's secret wish.

I'm taking deep breaths; that should do it. You can't relax that much while you're driving in the glare of the newly risen sun with someone you're dying to get rid of.

"This is it" I said, stepping out of my car as I looked at the wreck of a woman inside her very expensive new car. "You drive straight ahead, and don't look back. Is that hard to understand?"

I am being extremely nice to her, faking sweetness and all. Anything for her to vanish.

"Do you really think they won't do the same to you? They're a bunch of crazy people and they'll do the same once they realize they have no use for you anymore." taking deep breaths, one, two, tree…

"I won't say it again, have a nice job, money. You can have anything you want. Just don't come back to Charming." Sometimes I do feel bad for people like Carmen, that even with all the money, they can't find happiness.

I said sometimes, this isn't one of the times.

"This is not over, Nurse Icy." Man, could she be more cliché? I think there's a slight possibility of me taking her seriously, if she wasn't running from us, with her tail between her legs looking like a hobo. No, I'd never be afraid of her, not even if she wasn't acting like that.

But the truth was, she set me off by saying those things and I really needed to calm myself down. What do I do?

People, in general get drunk. Or watch a sappy film or eat until they pass. Not me, I wish that could work; but since it's almost 11 am and technically my day off already started, I can do whatever I want.

I never went in this direction; Charming is such a beautiful place, and this time of the day, it only increases its beauty. All the nature living with the city, it's truly something.

I've found the perfect place on the top of a hill that was completely uninhabited by humans. Perfect!

I'm always armed, and no, I wasn't going to plan on using it tonight on anybody, but Carmen got me so mad with her superior attitude that the best for me was to use that on a non living target than a person.

It was a little too bright, and I didn't mind; I, luckily, found a good spot shaded from the glare but still bright enough to see properly. So, I put seven cans, one farther than the other in specific places and started.

It's not like anyone would hear the shooting in a place like this.

Aww, the calm that it brings me! I'm a nice person, because I could be very well using that on Miss Evil and tell everyone that she's gone; But, did I? No. I deserve some credit.

I washed my hands to get rid of the powder with a bottle I kept in my car and was getting ready to go home when I checked my phone again. Twenty missed calls from Kozik! I swear, doesn't he get any sleep at all?

Maybe the girls weren't back yet. I decided to see what the matter was.

"_Hi, sorry for not answering before, but I was…driving"_

_"Why didn't you pick then? I was freaking out!"_ I could hear in the background the distinct voices of Gemma and the others.

"_Look, I'm sorry, ok?" _Why was I apologizing? And why was he so worried? It was an easy task. "_I'm going home now, I gotta rest"_

_"No, you don't, Gilly" _Excuse me? "_We're having a feast in your girls' honor and I'd like to spend as much time as I can with you"_

Silence

"_Ok. I can't really say no to that, can I?"_I could practically see that gorgeous smile of his.

Besides, I wasn't that far from Milla's house.

* * *

I wasn't afraid of getting a speeding ticket. In fact, I doubt that there was one single officer that was looking at the streets at this time; Charming, the small town where SAMCRO takes care of you. I've learnt that.

For some reason, I wasn't surprised to see Koz's face when I parked beside his bike. Why was he holding his phone so hard?

"Where were you? I was about to call" I barely stepped out of my car when he came straight to me.

"I took four minutes, Koz. Why are you so freaked out?" His hair was all messy, unlike that gelled styling that I've grown to like.

"The girls shouldn't have put you up to that. It was too dangerous." I couldn't believe it. Was he serious?

"Please, tell me you're kidding." I got out and came face to face, well more like face to chest to him. "Do you think I got scared of that bitch?" He was hovering me "Don't offend me."

His face softened when I took his hand. It wasn't cold, so I see no point for him to be shaking like that.

"You're trembling. We better go inside." But, he stopped when he engulfed me in those strong arms that I got used to and I fervidly hugged him back.

"I started to think all these things, and what if you didn't come back? What if she did something to you? It'd be my fault." I stare at his blue eyes and see that he really was telling the truth.

Kozik was afraid of losing me. **Me**!

I'm not an impulsive person, but the blood rushing through my veins mixed with his smell and that sudden revelation made me only do one thing.

I've always believed that all of those sappy, cheesy films where they have that super long, passionate kiss that makes your knees go weak and your heart to burst was just advertizing to sell the film and people to believe on the story.

I'm starting to think that maybe I was wrong.

Because what I've felt when I kissed Kozik wasn't what I used to feel when I kissed other men; usually I end up retracted or I just pushed them away. But now, with him, I just wanted more.

I have no idea who broke first or how long it has been, all I know is that we've been interrupted by a tiny girlie giggle coming from the house that was probably Ellie and she was spying on us. Milla's little informant. I was only half right Gemma was beside her.

I hid my face in Koz's cut while he just started to smile and took me inside.

"Come on, gorgeous .I won't let them devour you." He winked and put his arms on my waist "That's my job"

I wasn't embarrassed or apprehensive on how their reaction might be; I was too busy focusing on my own decisions right now. I just kissed Kozik! Me, the person who's afraid of any type of relationship. Why did I do that?

Truth is, I've never felt more comfortable with anyone than I feel with him and I know the feeling is mutual. He told me every chance he gets and I only got silent and dodged the topic. So far…

Surprisingly, that didn't scare me anymore.

I thought we'd have some time to ourselves to talk about what just happened, but I was bombed with questions by everyone of what happened to Carmen and then the girls descriptions to what they thought was the highlight of this morning.

I have to say, I couldn't focus on any of that; Kozik was also too busy massaging my neck and, with I thought would disperse the group to give us some privacy, only result with Ellie sitting on my lap and Tara asking me about the route Carmen might have taken.

When I realized it was time to leave and if I hoped to get any time to sleep, would be now.

* * *

Just as I was about to start to dream, I could swear I was hearing something knocking somewhere far from my house.

And it kept going.

Finally, I gave up on sleeping and decided to see who it. Mrs. Asterman is probably wondering why I'm not taking care of my dog that at this hour probably is in her house. Poor Mr. Asterman. He said it was ok.

"Oh, my, my" I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not, but it was a very good sight "Am I still dreaming?"

The mischievous blue eyed blond smiled at me and pecked on my lips as I made room for him.

"I'm too good to be a dream, gorgeous" Again, another kiss. I was getting used to that. Who'dve thought?

"Not that I don't like seeing you here Koz, but did you get any sleep at all?" He didn't take me home after we split at Milla's; the boys need to make sure that Carmen was gone and I encouraged him to go. Even if he didn't want to.

"Yes" He wasn't convincing "Ok, no. But that's only because I was too hyper to do this" Before my brain could process, he swoop me out my feet and put me on my window and kissed me until my mouth turned blue.

I liked it. A lot.

"Ok, I forgive you now for disturbing my day off." I said in a playful tone and for a minute I saw panic over his features, but it was gone when I kissed his jaw.

"And you will thank me a lot more after I'm done. Because…"He went back and got a huge box with him "I've came to fix your shower."

**No way!**

"You don't have to do that, Koz. I'm used to the cold showers by now." I winked, but he wasn't getting any of that easily.

"You have no heat in your shower, it's like you're getting doused in ice. I'm going to fix that and you will go back to sleep." He left, leaving me no room for argument. Cocky bastard!

Of course, I didn't go back to sleep. Instead, I started cooking dinner. It was weird cooking for someone other than yourself when you live alone like me. But, I think I've done a decent job.

* * *

He liked it. In fact, Koz had to alternate between eating and speaking with his mouth filled with biscuits. It was funny, but I was starting to get scared that he might choke with all the food he put once on his mouth. Doesn't he eat? He was the size of a horse, so he must have!

My shower is fixed! I can't believe it! After all this time, I finally have a shower that won't slice my skin in pieces of ice every time I enter. That's a relief.

And I owe all that to Kozik. We've spent the entire night doing nothing on the couch. I was too lazy to go and get my DVDs, so he brought a bunch and lined on a pile for us to choose later. It was perfect.

One thing I have to say thought. Koz cannot cook. Under any circumstance. I'm not kidding. He burnt water!

"Go on and laugh. I know you want to." I tried my best to keep a straight face.

"I'm not laughing." I kissed his lips, softly and I saw that heartbreaking smile "Tell you what, I'll teach you how to cook."

Now his smile was almost as big as his face when he fell on top of me on the couch, kissing every part of my face.

"Seriously?" Now, that's where Koz differs from most men. You can count in one hand the amount of men you know that are willing to let you teach them how to cook. Lucky for me, Koz is one of them.

"Pinky swear."

We spent the rest of the film trying to watch it, but failing completely.

* * *

My eyes were sore .I can't believe we spent that much time watching TV and doing nothing…

Well, that's not entirely true.

But now, that the night was over and Koz had to go, I really didn't want him to. And yet, I was too chicken to say anything about it.

"I should…"He mentioned to the door and I nodded. This was awkward.

"Can I…stay?" WHAT? That was completely another territory and I wasn't ready for it.

"Koz…I…"What could I say? The truth? That I was too scared and when he finds out about me he'll run for his life?

DO SOMETHING GILLY!

But, I didn't have, because he spoke for me.

"I can just sleep here, on the couch. I don't mind" Oh man, why does he have to use that puppy dog eyes? That's not fair.

So, of course I said yes. And, the weird thing was that I wasn't afraid of having another person sleeping under the same roof as me. I mean, it was Kozik for Gods sake! I did feel bad because he was alone in the living room.

Would it be so bad if I drag my mattress to sleep beside him?

I don't think it will.

* * *

**So, if you care if this story will continue or not, press the review button..**


	19. Busted

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**Just to let you know, things will get a little...dramatic from this chapter on, so I NEED your opinion!**

**I only own Gillian, Nanook, Mrs. Asterman, Manny Rogers, Henry, and Mr. Asterman**

**Milla, Esperanza belong to the amazing MelanthiaChase**

* * *

Busted

Kozik's POV

I've just had one of the best nights of my life! With everything that's been going on, to have Gillian with someone like me is truly a miracle.

She understands who I am and what I do, and doesn't ask me for anything in return. She's sweet, tender, but there are times when she can cast a look so cold that it'd put Happy to shame. She'd never turned that look on me; I only see it when I stalk her at the hospital.

I'd be content with only watching our movie marathon, but something got a hold of me and I couldn't leave. To my surprise, she told me I could stay.

Ok, so I didn't exactly slept in the same bed as my angel, but you couldn't imagine my surprise when I woke and found out that she made a bed beside me on the floor. I had to rub my eyes in order to see I wasn't dreaming.

What a way to start the day! As gently as I could, I touched her face. I just had to! She looked so peaceful that I had to control my urges not to go and lay beside her.

I should've known better; the minute my fingers touched her face, her features changed and she woke up, looking everywhere for any intruder. Smooth Koz.

"Morning." The room wasn't so clear, but I could see her face perfectly and I saw the relief when she noticed that it was me that was with her.

"Morning Koz" She smiled and just like that, it was like nothing happened "I…umm…came here after you slept because….I…umm…"I knew she was blushing! How cute is my nurse? "You might have a nightmare…?"

Neither one of us could hold it in any longer, good thing she started to laugh first.

"Ok, lamest excuse, ever!" She moved in front of me "Or maybe I just wanted to be the one to do this."

When Gilly is near me, it's hard enough to focus on anything, but when she kisses me, especially like that, I lose all perception of where I am and what I'm doing. All I can feel is her and the feel of her arms engulfing me and her soft lips on mine.

"That's better" She smiled shyly, pecking on my lips before getting up "Good morning."

I'm luckiest man on this earth!

* * *

Gillian's POV

It had been a few days, and everything was going as calmly as it could. Milla was excited to see her husband and her happiness was so contagious that we couldn't do anything but to be glad for them. I really can't wait for Mr. Ortiz to be out with their family and I don't even know him.

Today was my day off, so I decided to spend in working on my garden. I've always wanted to have one, and since Nanook is at his "girlfriend's" house, I won't be bothered to cover up holes in the yard.

I haven't seen Kozik since yesterday; he told me he had to take care of club business and I leave it that way; I didn't want to impose, and I was ok with it. Our system works perfectly; and when he gets back he'll call me and we'll spend the rest of the day together. Ellie complained to me the other day, she said that I don't have time for her anymore. That's unfair, but I missed her too, so I decided to talk to Kozik and maybe we could get Ellie, Piper and Kenny and do something.

Maybe I'll start with daisies then go to the roses. Henry always loved them, but since his wife was allergic to them, he could never plant them. I thought this was a bad excuse, but told him nothing. Who was I to interfere on 48 years of marriage?

I know that Charming is a hot place it is California. But today was extremely hot! Even my shadow was sweating. And since I was alone, I decided it was ok to work on my garden in short shorts and my bra.

_It's not like anyone was coming to visit me._

"Surprise, gorgeous…"The words died in his throat as I turned around and faced Koz. Why didn't he call? He always calls!

I don't have any problem with my body; I really like it. I may not be a supermodel type, but I'm healthy, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be anorexic.

But, it's what it's the marks on my skin that I didn't want him to see: My scars.

And, standing in front of him, with practically nothing covering me, I felt awful. He didn't want to see that. So I covered my chest with my arms and tried to hide my face on my hands.

"Get out." Better to just end things before he said he was too disgusted to look at me. I couldn't blame him; I just wanted him out before he could say it. "Leave."

I didn't hear his footsteps on the grass walking away, instead they were coming closer. Why? I'm not ready for public humiliation.

"Look at me, Gilly." It's this tone that made me shiver. I was so scared of what he might say that I froze on the spot "Please?"

His tone shouldn't be this soft; he should be disgusted and angered. So, why was he speaking so calmly?

"Why?" One part of me was happy that he was back; even with being apart from him for a short time made me upset and I discovered that I didn't like it. But I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Because I want to look in your eyes." He was close, but wasn't touching me. He was probably too grossed out by the image. My scars are pretty bad and anyone with common sense would be too.

"I'm so ugly." I admitted the truth I was trying to hide, not just for him, but to myself too. What was I thinking? Kozik can very well, anytime he feels like it, go find a crow eater 10 times more beautiful than me. I've seen the way women throw themselves at his feet. Why was I deluding myself?

I was ready to run and hide myself under the covers of shame, but what I didn't expect was the Koz got on his knees and started to kiss all of my scars.

"That's where you're wrong, Gilly." I was in too much shock to react "God, you're so beautiful. I want you so much."

He…**WHAT**? I had long, deep scars on my belly and back and he thinks I'm beautiful?

"You have no idea the effect you have on me, and seeing you in this white bra doesn't help a bit" It was so sweet, and he was still on his knees, and I have to admit that his lips on my belly made it very difficult for me to focus too.

He thinks that I'm beautiful! Even with my scars. It's like nothing changed.

"You're amazing." I said with tears in my eyes

"You really thought that just because of your scars it'd change the way I feel about you." He got up and started to kiss the ones on my back "Silly nurse."

I laughed and only got to kiss his nose; he was too engrossed on his mission to take my breath away kissing my scars and pushing me to my house.

"And where do you think you're taking me?" I said between laughs as he pushed the doors.

"To take a bath, of course. You need to take the dirt and I just got back, so let's kill two birds with one stone."

Needless to say, we didn't visit Ellie that day.

* * *

Gillian's POV

Things were very good. Very, very good actually! I don't want to jinx it, but I dare to say even _perfect_!

Koz is just so…Kozik! He's smart, funny, loving, and sweet and has a body that for the first time all I can think about is running my nails over it over and over again.

_Wow, now__, that's some news there Gilly_

Oh my God, that's right. I'm not afraid. Not even a chill, for the first time in my life! Koz has been so patient, and yet he thinks that I'm the one who's going to run away because of his lifestyle. Oh, please! Why would I do something as dumb as that?

We didn't name what we've become officially for the first few days; well I think it was mainly my fault. But, when dear Mrs. Asterman decided to step in it, Kozik told me that she was asking for it.

_"Hello Mrs. Asterman. I'm here to pick up Nanook." I admit, I was afraid of the woman, especially in the morning when I can clearly see her cucumber mask. That woman really looks like the Grinch._

_"About time you get here__." Her voice is even worse in the morning. Poor Mr. Asterman, maybe that's why he's deaf in his left ear. "I've been feeding this dog the whole morning!" It was only 9 am, so I knew she was lying "You better pay me back"_

_"Of course Mrs. Asterman .I'll pay you back__." She then started to lecture me the dangers that __**my**__ dog could bring to her family. Poor Nanook, he must really be in love to put up with her._

_"And don't you think that I don't notice the amount of money you must spend on that old hou__se of yours! Always changing the…" For some reason, she stopped short and just stared ahead. Please, tell me this woman isn't having a heart attack; it's too early to deal with evil neighbors._

_"What__'s going on here?" I didn't feel the need to turn, because I knew that the arm on my waist and the "menacing" voice that a lot feared belonged to Koz._

_"What…YOU__." By the look in her face, she was another member of the "I hate the SOA" fan club "What are you doing here at this hour?" _

_I tried to poke his side to try to hide my blush, but it was when I see that he wasn't wearing any shirt on. Again._

_"Isn't that obvious?" He wink__ed, I'm not kidding, he winked at Mrs. Asterman and the woman nearly had a stroke. I'd beat him, but it was just too funny. _

_"Now, if you'll excuse us, __me and my girl need to go back inside and finish what we've started." Usually, I'd reprimand this sort of Neanderthal behavior, but the sight of Mrs. Asterman's mouth wide open when Koz threw me over his shoulder and rushed towards my house now with Nanook beside us was priceless._

_And, just like that, I've become his girl._

* * *

Is it really possible that I actually found someone to be happy with? Someone for **me**? I'm no emo or anything like that, but I have a great idea of reality and, people like me don't find a happy ending like most of other couples we see on chick flicks. So, is it really possible that not so innocent nurse Gilly has found someone?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm dreaming; because that's the only explanation of why someone like Kozik is interested in me. He's so great! From his very mainly boots to his spiky blond hair, there's nothing I'd change about him.

He's so good to me and I'm so…

Oh God! Am I?

I need to talk to someone.

* * *

"I am so sorry for coming over unannounced, Milla." She opened the door, looking at me like I was an alien.

"Don't worry, Gillian. People usually come by all the time here, most don't even knock." I guess it was true; I've seen it with my own eyes when I was helping her with little Espy. "Come in, I'll make us some coffee." Before I could ask, she seemed to have read my mind. "Espy is sleeping in her crib." I've heard of mothers who had a special bond to their child, and Milla was a living example of it.

"Thanks, but I'll let her rest now. I came to see you" Now that I was here, it was hard to talk her. Milla was such a strong and confident woman, and she's known Koz since forever. Who was I to be over stepping their bounds?

"Are you ok, Gillian?" I swallowed hard the sudden lump in my throat. Where to begin?

"We're friends, right Milla? I mean, I consider you my friend." She smiled. I don't see Milla smiling very often; Gemma said she used to smile all the time when her husband was here. I can't blame her for that.

"Of course we are! What kind of question is that?" It's time like these that I can see a perfect mini version of Gemma. The same expressions, especially when confronted.

I didn't mean to get this emotional, but I couldn't help it. It was Koz's fault!

"I never had a real friend before." I don't know what she saw in my eyes when she sat beside me and put her good arm around me, I needed that hug.

"Oh honey, I'm your friend. And I'm here for you, we all are. Just like you've been here for us." From the end of the hallway, we heard the small cry from her princess and I rushed to get her, after seeing Milla smile again.

"Hey, baby Espy." I can't get enough of how beautiful babies are. The way their eyes magically sparkle when we hold them is truly amazing. "Your mama is waiting for you."

And I was right. Milla was as eager as her daughter to be close to her. They didn't need words to relate to each other and yet they fully understood one another.

I waited for them to settle down before I said anything; besides I was enjoying watching their mother-daughter moment. So, when Milla gave me Espy to get me some water, I thought it was the right moment.

"I'm in love with Kozik." I was scared to admit it out loud to Milla, but I think she heard me from the kitchen because she let out a shriek that sounded like she just won the lottery. But she composed herself before going back to the living room.

"Oh." It was all she said, like it was nothing "I knew that"

"Yeah, I can see that" Her look of disbelief was incredible, so I said to her daughter "What about you, Espy? Did you know that I was in love with your uncle Kozik?" I swear that she made a sound just like her mother of utter disbelief! What was she trying to tell me, "Duh"?

"See? Even my baby girl knew it." I helped her to position Espy in her arms and took the water.

"Thanks a lot girls." In the middle of all the jokes that followed me, I realized that I got more than somebody to love in the way. I've got a **family**.

"That's what friends are for."

* * *

For the first time, I feel like things couldn't be better for me. And after the wonderful advices I got from Milla, and believe it or not, Espy, I knew what I had to do.

I was going to tell him. **Today**.

After I finished my shift, which would be in four hours. No biggie.

Everything was set; I'd go home and make an amazing dinner for us, followed by our favorite song "Forever" by KISS. Koz told me that every time he hears it, it reminds him of me. The same moment, every time I heard it, I remembered him. So, it was only logical for it to be our song.

And tell I'll tell him. **Everything**. Not just the good part, all of it. And if he's really the man I know, he'll accept it and we'll deal with it, together.

Because, for the first time in my life, I'm not afraid to open up, to let someone see the real me. And I want this person to be Kozik.

Of course my day couldn't run as smoothly as I thought.

Just one hour before my shift ended, we got a celebrity in our hospital!

That's right! Not many remembered, but Mr. Manny Rogers was implicated four years ago on a scheme involving child slavery with six of his little friends. Five of them were indicted, but not Manny. And you know why? Because the judge is his godfather. What a small world!

Clearly, this news wasn't in public at the time of the trial, but like most things, in time people forgot all about Many and his very connected relatives and let it all go. Conclusion: He was spotted as the latest Paris Hilton boy toy this summer in Ibiza.

Like I said, we've got a celebrity. And guess who'll get his last autograph?

"Come with me Mr. Rogers and we'll take care of your allergic reaction in no time." I led him to the last room on the hallway. It was already night, so the visiting time was over. Better for me.

"You better take care of it soon. I've got to get my car and drive back to my route. Las Vegas, baby!" What's with men and Vegas? Seriously, that's so cliché!

"Don't worry, I will." I said, looking at my needle "You know, some people just don't forget."

I guess he wasn't expecting that "some nurse" made small talk with a big shot like him. I didn't mind.

"Like the mothers and fathers that appeared in court on the day your friends were judged, begging to know where you sent their children." The color of his face disappeared. Good.

"I don't…what…"Nothing says guilty like a forgotten speech.

"Come on, between the two of us in the small town, I think you could've done more than just a few children." Another thing that works perfectly is to provoke them. I feel better when I heard from their mouth what they've done.

"I don't…"But I patted his shoulder and it was visible that he relaxed.

"Do you think that this job as a nurse pays all my bills? No sweetie" I winked and, bless my Bambi eyes, because the next minute, he blurted out everything.

"Really? How exciting is to hear about your human traffic!" I never smile, but for some reason, they don't hide things from me. How thoughtful! "I just wish the drug I gave you could last longer, that way we'd talk more"

Now he got it! Mr. Rogers tried to move, but the dosage I gave him was too strong for him. It always is.

_They never learn._

"Do you really think I'd let you get away with that?" He looked more panicked and each minute, he looked paler. "I'm not some judge you can buy, Manny." I winked and when he tried to defend himself, I shut him up.

"I've have my share of rapists. I don't need any more on the loose." With that, I finished Manny Rogers' trip to the hospital.

I was unaware that I was being watched. When I looked up, I saw Kozik's scared face staring right at me.

* * *

**Oh nooooooooooo! Kozik saw her! Now what? Review and I'll let you know**


	20. Goodbye

**Thank you so much for your reviews! You have no idea how much they mean to me!**

**Also, this chapter is a little dark, so you've been warned.**

**Milla, Espy, Carmen, Chantal belong to the wonderful MelanthiaChase. Thank you for your help, you're amazing!**

**Gillian, Daisy, Rita, doctor Sanders and Henry belong to me.**

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Goodbye

Gillian's POV

I froze. It didn't look real. It couldn't be, but there _He_ was, staring right at me, with my hands still holding the needle.

"Koz…"I took a step forward, and he took one step back.

_He was disgusted with me._

"Don't…"It wasn't my voice that spoke, it was someone else's. A weaker and more damaged person. But as I was about to continue forward, I heard my voice being called on the hallway by Rita, the hospital receptionist and the fraction of a second that I tore my eyes from the door, he was gone.

_He's gone._

"Did you call me, Rita?" I forgot how I managed to walk all the way there, but I did, and at the same time, doctor Sanders walked in the room I was and realized that his patient was dead.

I couldn't have cared less.

"Yeah, Gillian .I have a phone call for you. It says it's urgent." My blood which was cold already turned into ice. I don't get calls from anybody at the hospital. Ever.

_"_Thanks"

I should've known that all bad things never come solo to me.

* * *

I remember that when I was little, I used to pray. Don't ask me how I learned to do it, I just did. I prayed to end my misery. But, it seemed that the more I prayed, the worse things got. So, I stopped.

There's no point on starting back now.

So, here I am, one last time, at Milla's home, preparing to say goodbye to all things I wish I could be and for a moment, it was actually within my reach.

"Hi Milla" As always, my little friend was dressed as what her mother said it was the biker Milla's look. Of course, Gemma being the proud queen, never said that in front of her. But she didn't need to; her mother's pride was oozing from her eyes to her daughter.

"Gilly, hi. I wasn't expecting you…shouldn't you be working?" No matter how hard you try, she can always tell if something is wrong. I've learn that that's just who she is.

"Yeah, but…I came here to see you." Now she definitely knew that something was up.

"What happened, Gilly? Is everything ok? Koz didn't say anything, are you two ok?" The two of us; the couple. It was a good dream. But it hurt too much to think about, and after the news I received, I can't be breaking my heart with more painful memories.

"I'm here to say goodbye, Milla." I looked straight in her eyes and her face was making things even harder. She looked like she swallowed a box of nails. "I'm leaving."

"No, no. You're not. You can't go" I think she remembered something, because she wasn't looking at me anymore. "If it's something between you and Koz, you guys will sort this out. You always do. And we'll help…"I stopped her before her tears started.

"He didn't do anything wrong, Mills. I did." Maybe it was the recent nickname, but she started to cry, "I thought I could be someone else, but I can't. And I understand that he doesn't wanna be with me anymore"

I knew why I wasn't crying, I was too numb to do that. But Milla wasn't.

"What the hell are you talking about? You're like a fucking saint compared to the rest of us. That's bullshit" I could've laughed if the situation was any different. Milla still thinks I'm sort of angel.

"Come here." Before she could say anything, I hugged her small frame and kissed her forehead and that only increased her crying "You're an amazing mother and friend. Don't you ever forget that."

My voice was starting to get weak. As if on cue, baby Espy started to cry from her room. I'll miss that baby.

"Stay put. Don't you even think about leaving this spot. I'll be right back." She ordered me. I'd miss that too, I thought as I turned around and walked away without looking back. Milla was the only one I could find to say goodbye to; the rest of SAMCRO was too busy or weren't in town, and the one that was the most painful was MIA.

_Goodbye __SAMCRO. And, thank you for making me feel happy, even if it was for a brief time._

* * *

Koz's POV

_"I've had my share of rapists. I don't need any more on the loose."_ I froze at the picture before me. My Gilly killed someone. The way she spoke and her eyes…they were dead. There was nothing there.

Why did she do that?

"Koz…" I could see how panicked she was. I just had so many questions and I needed to hear it from her. Now!

"Don't…" The color of her face was gone and I was about to make my way toward her when we heard the annoying voice of the receptionist calling her and, before someone could see me and cause trouble to Gilly, I left.

I was waiting for her near the elevator when I got a call from Chibs, asking me to help him pick up some equipment near Lodi. When the club calls, you answer. She knows that. We'd have plenty of time to talk later.

* * *

"You look quiet today, brother. Something going on in your mind other than the pretty nurse?" Our job took a lot more effort than we first thought and time went by so fast that it was night before we came back. I let Chibs do most of the talking so we could get sooner back in Charming. My brothers were right about one thing: As charming as I am, I talk more than them to show bravado.

"You know it." He barked a dry laugh as we came near the TM. When I took my phone to call my woman, I had nothing less than 60 missing calls and texts; most of them from Milla and the girls.

"Something's not right." I said to Chibs as I called Milla. Her voice messages were incomprehensible because of her crying. "We've gotta go to Milla's, now!"

What could be wrong? If we had a problem. Opie or one of the prospects would've called. If those dipshits made a mistake; I'd personally take care of them.

_It didn't even occur to me that it might have something to do with Gilly._

* * *

"What happened?" When we got there, the entire family was in Milla's living room. Milla, Lyla, Tara, Chantal and even Gemma looked like hell broke loose. While Opie, Piney and the prospects were casting sympathy glances at me.

"Can somebody tell me what the fuck happened?" Was it the CPS woman? Carmen? What?

"Why don't you sit down, Koz?" Why were they treating like I was made of glass? What could've possibly happened, that…

"Where's Gillian?" All of them, even Chibs, became deadly silent.

"WHERE IS SHE?" My patience was gone. What weren't they telling me? If something happened to her, I swear I'll paint this city in red.

"Koz, she…"Milla couldn't say it. Her eyes were too red and her face was swollen with tears. I've only see her cry like that once.

"She's gone, babe." Chantal was the only one with the nerve to face my deadly glare. "She came here in the morning and said her goodbye to Milla"

I felt cold. Why…How? She wouldn't leave me! Not just like that.

"Please, stop pacing, you'll end up…"But they shut up again when I broke the vase on the floor. It was the closest thing in my reach. Otherwise it'd be that or someone's arm.

"Milla, you need to tell me what she told you" I needed to know. I can't imagine why she'd do something like that. Something must've happen. After she looked into my eyes, her crying decreased a little. They'd probably be afraid of my murderous mask now, and to be honest, I was having a hard time controlling this side of myself.

"I couldn't understand what she was saying, still can't. She was babbling about how she thought she could be someone else, but she couldn't and that she understood that you didn't want to be with her anymore." As her crying stopped and we all heard her, her words sunk into me. Gilly thought I wouldn't want her because of what I saw.

"Does that make any sense to you, brother?" Opie took me out of my reverie as I turned to him.

"I need to talk to her. This is a huge misunderstand." As I marched towards the door, Gemma stopped me saying that she's not at her house anymore.

"All of her stuff's almost packed. She looked like she was in a hurry." Lyla told me that after she left, Milla managed to call her and Opie and they went to her house when they got back. The place was empty and there were a lot of boxes with most of her furniture hidden under plastic.

"We don't know where she went." Lyla said apologetically. When Opie held her, I was jealous.

"No, but we know someone who can find her." Thank God for Gemma and her brains. "Chantal, go get Phil"

All I could hear was Chantal's heels when she bolted to the door, everyone else was too quiet not making a sound or I just didn't hear them. This wasn't real, it couldn't be. I can't believe I lost Gillian over a misunderstanding.

"Koz? Phil's here." When I turned to see the prospect, his hands were shaking, that couldn't be good. Over the months, I'd never seen him like that, not even when we told him to clean the club toilets after taco night.

"What is it, Phil?" Milla asked, apparently my face was making him too nervous to ask for something. Good, I didn't trust myself to speak right now.

"I kinda already did a background check on Gillian a few months ago." Chantal looked at me apologetically, they all did. But I couldn't give them anything other than anger. "Maybe, umm…you should sit."

He got closer, motioning the chair that was left in the corner of the room.

"I'm fine. Give me the file" My anger was getting the best of me as time progressed; so he better understand already or we might end up losing another prospect if he doesn't move.

"Koz, I think…"Chantal tried to speak for him, and when I realized that her man didn't have any voice, I almost burst.

"You think nothing, Chantal. Now, you tell me what you know or you'll say goodbye to SAMCRO." I didn't mean to break Milla's chair, but no one judged me. The look on Phil's face was pure panic. At least he knew I wasn't kidding.

"Alright, here it is. It's sort of…fragmented." Gemma let out a puff of her smoke as Milla raised her eyebrows and I still couldn't move.

"What do you mean, fragmented? It's just a simple file" Milla said, coming to my aid. "Right?"

She decided it was best for her to sit. I, on the other hand, had too much going on to remotely think about it.

"Not exactly…" He looked to Chantal, and she stared right back at him, afraid of what might happen.

"For fucks sake, just tell us what's there!" You can always trust Gemma to break the tension. And I've thanked her if my hands weren't shaking.

"Nothing remotely interesting, guys except for a particular file. I've got her file from the CPS and it's not good" CPS, what?

"Go on, we're not going to guess." Opie was there for me, they all were. Better get this over with.

"I've got the usual things like her birthday and where she was born, her father died before she was born, but then I didn't get anything else. Until I found a file closed by the court." Milla started to cry again, with Lyla this time and now it was Gemma holding me.

"Her mother's name was Daisy Green and her medical records are here too showing a normal pregnancy. After Gillian was born, there was no more indication she existed. No doctor's visits, school records, nothing so it was concluded that she lost her child along the way. The problem was that she was never seen again at work" He wasn't finished.

"What's that have anything to do with it?" Good Gemma.

"She was a cop. The dirty type. And she had a lot of "boyfriends" that were always at her house. Most of them were big shots: from judges to drug dealers. No one dared to suspect a thing." Phil was shaking again, and Chantal had to hold his hands. What came next was even worse.

"After 16 years of captivity, they found Gillian, in the worst conditions you can imagine, almost in a coma from the amount of anesthesia and drugs that Daisy gave her so she couldn't escape or fight back." I saw a tear coming from the corner of Chantal's eye.

"And how do you know her state?" I managed to stutter

"Because, there were pictures in this file. Koz, I don't think…"But it was too late, I already got the file he was holding in my hands and I had to fight every urge in me not to throw up.

Her scars, that she was so afraid to show me, were bright as day on her back and belly, and they looked old, so she had them before she was 16. Her entire body was covered with bruises and she looked more like a skeleton than a person. This wasn't my nurse.

"The police found her when they got an anonymous call saying that the house was a front for a meth lab. They took her to the hospital, and she had to spend a long time detoxifying and getting introduced into the world." All I could do was stare at those pictures. As I read her file I couldn't even begin to imagine the things she must've been went trough.

"A year later they tried the foster home system. She didn't show any signs of violence or social inhibition. But, that didn't work out either. Her foster homes were one worse than the other, until one day, she escaped. There's nothing about the following two years, until a man named Henry Jamison, a former biology teacher, walked in saying that the now 18 year old was a very smart young woman and he took full responsibility for her, even though she was legally of age." When he finished, it was like the breath was sucked out of me. That's why she spoke of Henry with such tenderness; he saved her from a horrible life.

And I'm going to do the same.

"Do you know where is she now, Phil?" My color was starting to come back.

"I have a feeling that I do"

I didn't even have time to argue, I just bolted to the door.

"Where the fuck you think you're going?" I stopped at Milla's door and gave them my best smile.

"To get the woman that I love back home"

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**What happens now? Review and I'll tell you ;)**


	21. Home

**New chapter! Of course, thanks to my super beta MelanthiaChase!**

**Your reviews are what helped me write this chapter, so I NEED to know what you think!**

**Milla belongs to MelanthiaChase**

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Home

Gillian's POV

I don't know what I was expecting, really. This is what I deserve, being alone. How could I think I could possibly be happy?

"Mommy, mommy!" I didn't need to turn my head to see the happy family in front of me; a little girl was holding her doll to her mother while she split her attention between her daughter and her other child that was sleeping peacefully beside her.

_Another thing I'll never have._

I'll have to move. Where? No idea. Somewhere that fits my personality, maybe Antarctica or Greenland. Anywhere that doesn't even resemble sunny Charming.

I can't feel my arms, or my legs. In fact, I'm not sure if I had control over my body when I got on this plane, all I know is that I'm here and then I won't be. The story of my life.

Most passengers seem to avoid me, good. I'm having trouble keeping my mask as is it is, best for them to leave me be. Even the stewardesses are reluctant to get close .I really must not look pretty now.

I don't know why I'm surprised, I'm no child; I should have seen this was coming for me. I can't be happy like _that_. And Koz made me feel the most beautiful and desired woman on this planet. That's when it all started to go wrong. To care for someone and then see with your own eyes what she's capable of doing _that_ is reason enough to leave and never look back.

I really hope he finds happiness, because without that spikey blond in my life, I know I'll never find it.

"Miss, are you ok? Can I get you a tissue?" I didn't notice the woman's approach, but when I quickly dismissed her, the little girl with the doll was staring right at me.

"Why are you crying?" Any other day, I'd be glad to chat with her, but her mother was too busy feeding her other kid to pay attention to her careless daughter.

"I'm not crying." I just wish they weren't so observant right now.

"Yes, you are. I can see them running down your face right now." I tried to smile, but I felt like my muscles were being ripped off my face. Not a pleasant feeling.

"I'm crying because I'm lonely." No one was paying attention to her and I decided it wasn't too bad to open up with someone, even if that someone was a six year old.

"Why are you alone? My mommy says that only mean people are alone. Are you mean?" It was only in that moment that her mom noticed her absence and dragged her back to her seat.

_Are you mean?_

"Yes, I am"

* * *

Here I am…again. The same place I've sworn I'd never go back to .Sounds like a very bad joke, but it isn't. The old white benches are still here, the sign that says welcome is still a little more to the right and you have to turn a bit to properly read it, and there are still the same smiley families that put on a show when they find their loved ones at the main gate. Yep, same old, same old.

_Me, I'm here, alone…again. Really, what was I expecting?_

It was raining when I passed through the main gate and waited ten minutes before I could see a cab with that weather. Since I didn't have much money with me, I asked for the cheapest motel and he took me to one of those places with a corky name. But at least they had clean sheets. Apparently, that's what the sign said.

How come this place looks exactly the same? It's like nothing happened and people just continue their lives. I guess I never stopped to think that's what we all do. Pretend like nothing happened. Why can't I be like that?

Ever since I boarded in that plane I've been feeling sick, maybe that's why that little girl and now the receptionist looked at me like I was Morticia Addams. The zombie walk didn't help me much either. Only if I cared what they thought.

I'm not hungry. The thought of digesting something only reminds me that I can easily throw up in any minute. Alone again, what to do now?

* * *

The sun is almost up. Only now I realized that I didn't switch the light since I got here or moved from the chair. I should get a shower and have some rest.

_Yeah, I really should get moving._

The water was so hot that I could easily feel my skin boiling. It hurt and I was suffocating, and yet, I felt like I deserved that and more, that's why I stood still until the hot water turned cold.

When I was little, I never wore any clothes to sleep. For obvious reasons, such as a "loving" mother and her even more loving clients. So, it was a surprise to me when I found out that people wore clothes to sleep and can actually have a full night without being afraid of being awoken in the middle of the night by a stranger dragging your body like a pillow.

I got my first set of PJs when I went to see the CPS for the first time. They were green with weird marks, but no smell. So, was I going to complain? No.

Ever since that day I wear clothes to sleep. Like a good girl would. But now? I just don't care if anyone sees me through the windows when I reach the bed I'll probably get the flu for not drying myself off, and I didn't give a damn. Too bad there was a full length mirror beside the bed and I could see as clear as day my scars that were ignored one day and I was called beautiful by someone that made me happy.

I feel asleep staring at the monster with the enormous scars.

* * *

Some people don't like cemeteries. I do. It's quiet and you can hear your own thoughts. I'm not one of those creeps, grave worshipers or something like that; in fact I can count in one hand the times I've been here. And this was not a pleasant one.

I only managed four hours to sleep and when I realized that I look even more like the corpse bride at the mirror. I guess my bones are sticking out more now. I don't want to get all the trouble again to get a cab, so I decided to walk to the local cemetery. A 40 minute walk. The kid receptionist didn't say anything when I told him where I was going, he was too busy playing with his x-box, but when I turned around I heard his other acne friend saying "Is she going to live there?" Kids, like I said, always honest.

It was a good day today, pretty even. This is why I waited for the cemetery workers to finish their job. There was no one around, only the priest, probably saying his last goodbye to another child of God.

"Did you know her, my child?" He handed me the obituary of a woman who looked nothing like me, yet so much: she had evil eyes and an empty face.

"No" I said looking at it: Daisy_ Green – In loving memory._

"I didn't know her"

* * *

Henry told me one time that once the root of my "trauma" was gone from my life, I'd be free. That I'd feel a weight coming off my shoulders and life would be good for me.

Except that I don't feel that. In fact, I feel nothing at all. No rage, no urge to cry, no desire to dig her grave and impale her carcass. Nothing .And I'm not feeling the overflow emotion of the just-lost-her-mother person either. When I say nothing, I mean it.

Maybe it's a good thing. Henry said that it wasn't good to think bad about the dead, and that's what she is now. Dead.

What do I say now? I never planned this situation, but when I got that phone call, I knew that for some reason I had to come. And here I am.

She's not worth my tears, never was and never will be. Or my anger and any type of emotion, so I did the only thing I could.

"Goodbye" And I walk straight, not once looking back.

It's amusing that a person being so evil, that caused so much harm to someone, can be next to an angel when she dies. Not too far from her grave, there was a beautiful angel statue with the words "_suae quisque fortuna faber est_ – The man is the architect of his own destiny". His son picked up the words for his grave .Yep, sounds like something that he'd say.

"Hi Henry" I knelt down and brushed away the dust that was forming on his name. Lilies were always his favorite, so it was only fair to bring it to him.

"I've really screwed up this time; my friend. I fell in love." Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me, but I could've sworn that I was feeling Kozik near me.

"And he is wonderful! I wish you could have met him; he's everything you said I'd find one day. But I screwed up, Henry. He caught me and now I don't know what to do" I was already crying, hugging my knees until they were white and spilling my heart out to someone who couldn't hear me "Please, help me"

It was useless, but Henry was always there for me. I have no one anymore. Why is life so unfair?

"Gillian" Why was I hearing Kozik's voice in my head? I looked up to see that the dehydration finally got me. That or…

"Oh no. It finally happened. I'm crazy. I see Kozik right in front of me." His laugh was so real and my desire to touch him was killing me. It's even worse than I thought.

"You're not crazy, darlin'. I'm really here. Or did you seriously think I'd let you get away so easily?" Will I ever stop crying? Because just as I thought I did, the tears came back.

"Why is this happening? I don't deserve this! It's bad enough I won't see you anymore, and now my brain is playing games with me? What is my problem?" To my surprise, the imaginary Koz took me in his arms in a second and kissed me so hard that I have no doubt that this was really him.

"But…Ho…"I didn't get to finish the sentence when he attacked my lips again. And I wasn't complaining.

When my senses and blood came back to my brain I carefully moved over to allow myself to think again. Only to be squashed again in his arms.

"Nah, no, you don't missy. You're gonna stay right here, where you belong." Why was he speaking like that? Didn't he see me killing a man yesterday?

"We need to talk, Koz." he really needs to stop kissing me so I can focus "About yesterday" He does! "I mean it!" It wasn't my intention to sound so stubborn, but that's what it sounded like.

"Okay, so talk. But just so you know, I'm comfortable where I am and I won't let you go." There was a fierceness and protection in his eyes that made me shiver involuntary.

"What you saw that day at the hospital…"I should've known that he wasn't going to let me speak "Dammit Kozik, stop kissing me!"

Even deep down, I didn't want him to stop; I know I need to tell him, everything.

"Make me." It was all that he said before he got back to his work. We were interrupted only when one of the workers told us to stop disrespecting the dead.

"Damn Goths"

I motioned to take him to the place I was in, but not before doing something I was dying to do.

"Kozik, meet Henry. Henry, this is Ken Kozik. The man I was telling you about." To my surprise, he kneel and took the rest of the dust of his plaque.

"Nice to meet you Mister Jamison. Don't worry; I'll take good care of Gillian. I promise you." I was crying again when I took his hands and led him to his bike so we could go to the motel.

* * *

"We're here. Now, can you tell me why you ran away from me and your _family_ like that?" Koz didn't sound angry, or bitter. Truthfully, I was still digesting why he was here.

"Are you serious? After what you saw? How can you still look at me" I wanted to see him angry, trashing things, I've never see a man reacting like that! "You should be carrying torches and forks in hands, demanding me to be burned!" Yell, shout, anything.

"Why would I do that? I'm not an angel, Gilly." The nickname, again .I need to take matters in my hands. "What are you doing, Gilly?"

I stripped in front of him, everything was gone.

"**This**…is what I am." I pointed to my belly and the mirror was giving him a view of my back. Any other scenario, I'd be deep red from being naked in front of him, but I needed him to understand. "A deformed monster who murders people! Now, tell me you still want me"

It seemed that hours passed, but it was only seconds of silence.

"You don't choose them randomly, do you? The people you kill. Opie told me you helped the club once." What? He was supposed to be running or calling the police, not asking…

"No. I'm not like that. Only those who will get away get through my hands." He only nodded, never breaking eye contact. "Why do I feel like you knew what I was going to say?"

His next words changed my world in a way I didn't think it was possible.

"We found out" We? As in Koz and…

"Oh God..." I felt the earth move "No, no. no. This can't be happening."

**No one**, and I mean no one ever find out about me. And now people that I care for, they knew?

"They'll kill me. Milla and Lyla? They'll never let me see the kids again, what about Gem…" I stopped freaking out when two strong arms stopped me.

"Babe, we're the last people in the world who'd judge you." I saw his grin from the corner of his mouth and I also saw the amount of willpower he was using to only stare at my face and not my body.

"How?" It was all I needed to know. I was always so careful, never left anything in the open.

"Phil. After you left I went ballistic and asked to search for you. He got your CPS file." Oh no, they **all** knew **everything**.

"And I am so sorry for what happened." Once again, his voice took me out of my trance "I swear by my cut that I will never let you get hurt and be unprotected ever again."

I felt his lips on my hands, but it was like I wasn't there.

"You...**know** everything, and you still want to be with me?" He nodded eagerly and I saw that spikey blond hair that I was so fond of and fought the urge to trace his beard that was growing. "Why?"

He never lets his beard grows. In just a day he got sloppy.

"Because I love you, Gillian." Did…he really say that or I just imagining? "I fucking love you…so damn much. When you left I didn't know what to do. I go crazy without you babe. I love you more than anything. And I'll wait as long as it takes for you. I'll be beside you in everything. I'll leave the club if you want" My numb hand went straight to his mouth.

"Don't you ever say that! They're your family, you love them!" By now, I knew how important his family was to him.

"**Our** family, Gilly You're part of the club now, whether you like it or not." I liked the sound of that, but first I needed to come clean to him.

"You read my file, didn't you?" He nodded "And saw the pictures too?" Again, maybe it was too painful for him to say something "I am what I am Koz, I won't change. Not until there's one last son of the bitch that the law is too afraid to get, I'll get him. Do you understand?" My lack of clothing didn't stop him from hugging me. Nor did I care.

"I'll stand by you, always. No matter what, baby." For the first time since I got here, I smiled, and it was all because of him

"Don't worry, the club won't be involved in it, ever" He kissed me again and as I felt his arms on my back with little hesitation.

"What is it?" We didn't let go of each others arms and I had a feeling that this was going to become a habit .I was hoping for it. "Do you want to ask me something?" I knew this time would come, but unlike I thought, I was eager to tell him. "You're curious, about …me, aren't you?"

He didn't need to say anything, I could read his face so easily now, any other people would see his hard mask, and I didn't.

It wasn't easy to open up to him. In fact it was sad, painful and many times I was so ashamed that I couldn't contain my sobs and shaking. But I didn't stop, in the end, he knew everything about me.

Again, unlike I thought, he didn't run or was disgusted, he did punch the wall but ran back to me and took me in his arms as I cried. I never expected to find someone that accepted me as is and…_loved_ me.

When I finished, he also shared his secrets with me, things that not even Milla and the rest of his brothers knew: How close he was many times of dying and the loneliness that his apparent cheer hid a lot of times, the things he saw when he was in the navy and the traumas he'd have for life.

"As you see, we're not all perfect. And I wouldn't love you less because of that" In the middle of our conversation, I ended up on his lap, in his arms and he was comfortably sitting on the bed, like it was no big deal.

"I'll wait for you, Gilly. I mean it." His face was stern, but his hands were shaking.

"I know you will. But I won't." I wasn't afraid. In fact, I'd never been more sure in my whole life.

"I want you to make love to me" He was nervous! Koz is never nervous! But it quickly vanished when I kissed the tip of his nose.

"Are you sure that's what you want, babe?" His self control over his eyes finally gave in and he looked at my body, and I felt…beautiful.

"Yes, it is..." My hunger of him took form in my lips as I started gently to kiss his forehead, trailing all the way to his mouth.

"And you know why? Because I fucking love you so much too"

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**Review, please!**


	22. Auntie Gilly

**Ok people, new chapter. And this one is probably the longest I've ever done! All thanks to new season! WOO HOO!**

**I think you'll be happy with this chapter, but I need to know what you think: a.k.a review.**

**This story would not be possible without the huge help of MelanthiaChase. Thank you!**

**Milla, Espy, Chantal, Desiree, Looney, Franklin and Mark belong to MelanthiaChase.**

**I only own Gillian, Nanook and Albion**

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Auntie Gilly

Gillian's POV

I used to believe that happy stories were only in fairy tales and chick flicks. That theory crashed down the minute I met Kozik. I didn't want to admit it, but at the moment I laid my eyes on him, everything started to change.

"Good morning..." I felt his fingers and lips, caressing me as I opened my eyes to stare at my own Adonis.

"We only say good morning when you actually slept and woke up." My smile was mischievous… "…and we didn't"

He closed the tiny space between us with his lips that never ceased to hunger for more. We didn't sleep at all last night.

"I didn't hear you complaining." His voice was so husky and the way his hair was all over his face, made impossible for me to resist. "Good thing I'm still with you."

He bit my ear and I turned mellow all over again. "Just like that"

At first, I admit, I was scared. I didn't think I could do that, for the first time I put my emotions with my body. It was so foreign to me that I was shaking.

_"I'll take care of you." _And he did just that. He was so gentle, and at the same time so strong, that I felt special. And it was, soon I picked up his rhythm and it was the first time I've experienced things I never thought it was possible. That's why we stayed in the bedroom much longer than we planned.

"I love you." It was easy now, like I've always said it. Now, thanks to the spikey blond that I love, I feel like I can do anything.

"Love you too, babe. Now, come here because we wasted a whole minute not kissing." I laughed and jumped at him, switching our positions.

"Well, well, well, so Koz is a sex addict?" The smile on my lips seemed permanent.

"Not really, just a Gilly addict"

* * *

"So, you've been stalking me at work?" Since our energies slowed down a little, we decided to call for room service. The poor lady almost dropped dead when she saw Koz naked. My man has no shame!

_My man_, I like the sound of that.

"Not stalking, just following you around to make sure you were ok." My mouth was still open when he jumped on the bed beside me with the food. That was his perfect excuse to kiss me again; Close_ your mouth or the flies will get in._

"Kozik! That is so…" The fact that I raised my voice must've startled him, because he quickly jumped to apologies.

"I know that I've been creepy, clingy, over dramatic and…"Without him realizing it, I put the tray on the floor and tackled him.

"If it was anyone else, I'd be freaking out. But it was _you_" His eyes softened when I kissed his nose again and started to pull him down "And I love _you_…"

The tray was about to be forgotten when I pushed the sheet that was covering me.

"Now, who's the sex addict?" I let him breath for a second.

"Kozik addict..."

* * *

We ignored our cell phones as much as we could, but when we finally got out of the bed to shower, after God knows how long, we decided that was better to let people know we were alive. And I mean people as in Milla and the family. Because that's what we are...Family.

I go in first, sensing that I wouldn't have much time to shower after he got in too. We're too "distracting" right now and I left the door open to hear him.

"Yeah we're ok." Even from where I stood, I could hear the distinct sounds of Milla shouting.

"We're alive, don't worry Mills…"Another shout "I already said…"

Apparently, he wasn't getting much space to answer, because the shouting was changing between Milla and Gemma .I decided to interfere.

_Give me the phone_, I mouthed and he gave me, not before checking me out with his now permanent smile.

"Damn woman, you're gonna be the death of me." I pecked him, ready to answer the phone.

_Don't take too long,_ he flexed his abs and got in. Show off.

_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN DEATH? WHO'S GONNA DIE?"_I couldn't help but laugh at the situation.

"I'm not going to kill him Milla, relax." The shouting subside a little, and I could hear that there were more people there other than Milla and her mother.

"I'm really sorry for wor…"But none of them let me speak.

"_DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED WE WERE? PIPER WAS CRYING NONSTOP!_" That was a kick on my stomach. I had no idea the kids would miss me "_I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS SO HARD WHEN YOU GET HERE FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE! WE WERE FREAKING OUT"_

I know I should be worried about Milla's phony death treats', but all I could do was smile, they were worried about me, all of them. Suddenly, I heard the phone being jerked away from her hand, and the tone that followed was softer.

_"How are you Gilly?" _It was Gemma, apparently she wasn't as loud as her daughter, or she was pulling herself together very well.

"I'm good now Gem, thanks. Sorry about the mess." From the corner of my eye, I saw Koz staring at me with those predator eyes and it was very hard not to lose focus with the things he was mouthing at me.

_"Don't worry about it."_I heard the loud shout from Milla on the background _"You two take your time; we'll be here waiting when you get __**home.**__" _

She put emphasis on the last sentence and I felt myself swelled with pride. That's right, home.

"We will, thank you Gemma .We'll be home soon." I could hear the smile on her voice.

"What would I do without my advisor, right?"I didn't hear any more shouting, or Milla was too tired with all the screaming, or she was afraid of her mother's sudden kindness.

"Is everything ok?" I closed the door and put the phone away, it'd be an useless distraction.

"Yeah, Gemma told us to take our time…"Without delay, he scooped me of my feet to pull me beside him.

"We can't disobey the Queen, can't we?"

* * *

"So Looney and Desiree, right?" I asked through the door. Koz wanted me to meet the members of the Portland Charter or in his words "Showing off my woman" and I was eager to meet them. Milla told me a lot about her extended family, or I guess I should call them my family now too. And since I belong to this life now, I should act the part.

Neither Gemma, Milla nor Koz told me that I needed to change anything about myself, they're completely comfortable with the way I am. And I was too, but that changed the minute Koz came to get me.

I felt this urge to show off too, not just out of appearances, I wanted to look good next to my man because I was with him. There's nothing wrong with that.

"Damn, I forgot my blue shirt!" I heard him curse and started my little experiment .I wasn't going to show my belly or back, that's for sure, but there's nothing wrong with a little cleavage, right?

"You forgot it in my house, the last time." I never felt the need to wear heels, I mean, I'm tall enough, why would I need them? But I guess it wouldn't kill me to try them on. "I put it in your drawer."

I heard something breaking near the wall.

"I have a drawer?" His voice was barely a whisper, what, was it so hard to believe in a drawer?"

"Of course you do darling. The top drawer, next to the window" I finished applying a little makeup and then puffing a little my natural wavy hair.

"I have a dra…"The words died in his mouth when I opened the door. I didn't look **that** different.

"Did you lik…"I felt his lips before I could see him. It still amazes me how fast he can get to me.

"Are you trying to kill me, Gilly?" When he whispers that close to my ear like that, I lose track of where I am. I can't help it.

"I'll take this as a yes" I kissed him as fervently as he kissed me, forgetting all about my makeup.

"_Damn_, what did I do to deserve you?"I only felt the mattress.

I guess we won't be leaving this bedroom any time soon.

* * *

With much self control, from both our parts, we started our way to the Portland clubhouse. It was the first time I rode on a bike with Koz, and the feeling of the wind in my face and my hands on his body made the feeling a lot more enjoyable.

"You know, I can't focus if you keep doing that." His tone was playful, I doubt how would me want doing anything else.

"And what is that I'm doing?" I bit his left ear and I hear him growl. Like I said fun, fun, fun.

"I'm serious, I'll stop on this road if you keep doing that" He's even more handsome with the wind in his face.

"No, you don't mister. We're almost a day behind our visit, thanks to _you_." The smile never left is face, thanks to the memories I'm sure.

"Oh _my_ fault? It's not _my_ fault if you seduce me" I pretended to be offended and lightly smacked his arm, with he quickly took it and put it back on his waist.

"Really? Alright, I won't do it anymo…."

"No, no. I was just kidding, love." I winked and kissed his neck. We were almost there.

When we got to the clubhouse, I was in awe .It was almost a complete copy of the Charming one .except the jukebox and a pinball game in the corner that was currently being used by some very quiet crow eaters.

"Kozik! Good to see you" We were welcomed by a grizzled man with very interesting eyes, he remind me for a second of the Joker, and a petite blond that was attached to him.

"Welcome, dear." The woman hugged me and, for the first time I can remember, I wasn't afraid to hug a stranger.

"Looney, Desiree, this is _my_ Gillian." Don't think I didn't noticed the way he said it, very demanding. I liked it. And it seemed that our hosts did too.

"So this is the young woman Milla has told me about." She smiled at me .Apparently; Desiree was the kind version of Gemma. I didn't see any difference. "Come with me dear."

I followed her to the near table where two crow eaters were quietly speaking behind the bar and another came to serve us. I gotta say, they're much more disciplined than in Charming. One thing didn't change: When their queen snaps her fingers, they came running to serve.

"So, tell me about yourself .I want to know everything about Koz's Old Lady and Milla's new friend." I was going to correct her .I wasn't Koz Old Lady, but then a man with bright green eyes and a drunk attitude came to our table.

"I didn't know that Maxim was shooting here. Hello gorgeous." Desiree was stuck, so was I. From his cut this man belongs to the club, SaA nonetheless.

"Franklin, this is…"But Koz, came out of nowhere with Looney in tow, about to jump him.

"Mine." The man-Franklin expression turned to flirt into furious.

"Oh, you've gotta be shitting me! You're with _him_?" Koz was about to blow, but with one look to Desiree, I took his hands and pushed him out of the war zone.

"Why don't you show me the rest of the club?" One thing I can confirm: Koz is like a rock, when he doesn't want to move, he doesn't. Unfortunately, this was one of the times. "Please, darling?" Good thing he's not immune to me.

It worked, that's all I can say. After a few hours, they were speaking again. Looney told me that Franklin is a good friend of Tig, **the** Tig, so that naturally causes some friction between them, but Franklin's main concern is the Club so he won't let any petty arguments get in the way of the Club.

"You handled the situation very well earlier." Des told me as we sat at one of the picnic tables outside of the clubhouse. We were looking at some old photos of their family, including baby Milla .She's so cute!

"Thanks. I guess, its part of the job now, right?" I winked and she laughed, showing me a picture of the first time little Milla rode on her uncle Looney's bike. She was a tough chick right from the start.

"You got that right, Gilly. Two things we need to be: Hot and protective of our men. You seem to be handling it very well" I laughed with her; it seems that I'm fitting in very well these days. I've met the rest of the family, including Mark, Looney's VP, a nice man, with a weird fetish for pool.

"Is it worth it?" She looked me right in the eye and I knew what she was talking about "To change your entire life over him? It's a lot of weight for a woman's shoulder, the club and this life."

She might not know my story, but Desiree was still as fierce and strong as Gemma.

"I love him." In the dark, behind the light post, were our men, and just like that, he turned to me and I melt again with his smile "And I love them, my entire family. So yeah, it's worth it." I felt his hand on my, squeezing and I saw the proud look on her face before she got up.

"Alright people, now it's time for some family photos! Don't think I'll let you two get away without them"

* * *

"What do you think they'll say?" We'd been home for barely an hour and Milla already called in, still screaming, demanding our presence at Gemma's house, pronto. We only had time to shower and go. Ok, so we might have taken a little more time to do other stuff.

"Nothing to be worried about love, they just miss us. The screaming is part of the girl's charm." I pecked his cheek as we marched towards Gemma's porch where all the bikes and cars seemed to be.

"What's going on here?" I was sure I hadn't forgotten anyone's birthday, so what could it be?

"THEY'RE HERE!" It didn't sound like the little girl from "Poltergeist", but something told me that whatever they were planning inside the house had something to do with us. So bravely, I hide behind Koz as he reached for the doorknob.

"We're here, don't shoot!" Just as he said it, I felt six little arms, engulfing me in a tight hug as I nearly lost balance.

"You came back Gilly!" It was Piper tiny voice that rose above the others. Everyone was waiting inside the house, but my 3 little guards wouldn't let me go.

"I did. Sorry I got you worried kids." I was trying very hard to fight the urge to cry at their gesture. From the corner of my eye I saw that everybody was there .My whole family.

"We were worried you wouldn't. Who'd take us to buy ice cream and watch transformers with us?" I saw Opie and Lyla trying to get the kids so I could stand, with no such luck, but they moved a bit when they seemed to realize I couldn't move.

"Promise you won't run anymore?" Ellie asked and I saw Milla crying a little with Chantal and her mother, and that's when I knelt in front of Ellie, to look into her eyes.

"Pinky swear." I held my finger so she could do the same and next thing I knew, Ellie and her brothers threw themselves at me. Who said that kids were weak?

"Alright, alright chipmunks, let's let Gilly breathe a little." without much effort, Opie and Koz caught them and took them to see Phil's new bike.

I stood up to face the girls, my biggest fear would be that Milla would start to cry again, but Gemma beat her to it.

"Ok, who are you and what you have done to our nurse?" She was grinning form ear to ear as she hugged me. I forgot that not everybody saw my new style yet.

"A ha, very funny Gemma." I turned to Milla to see her blank expression .That's what worried me.

"Ok, you can scream at me now." I was ready for another round of shouting like she did on the phone, but what surprised me was her death grip as she gave me a hug. For a second I forgot her arm wasn't supposed to be strong like that.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again to us, do you hear me?" I tried to move, but her grip was too tight. "We're your family, are we clear?" Now she was crying. That I could handle.

"Milla, sweetie. Let me loose a little, please" She didn't "I promise I won't do that again. I do ,but please, honey…"It took a few seconds for Milla to realize that I couldn't breathe properly, and when she let me go, it was like she was seeing me for me the first time.

"Ok, who called me a femme fatale?" It was the first time since I got here that I see her smile. Espy was sleeping on Chantal's arms and Milla had a chance to approve my wardrobe.

"You like it?" There was only Gemma, Milla, Tara, Lyla, Chantal and Ellie in the room, while the men were on the porch, so I did a little twirl to receive their approval.

"Nice, but why are you wearing a sc…" Good thing her mom was there to stop her. Ellie was with us and I didn't want to stain her mind.

"It's fashion, isn't it Gilly?" Somehow, I didn't mind being called Gilly anymore. It was familiar, and a good way to avoid attention to the huge hickey that my boyfriend so kindly gave me.

"Yes, it is" I said with the sweetest voice I could as Chantal and Lyla mouthed to Milla what it was all about.

"Oooooh, I see." She was as red as Gemma's shirt "Well, let's eat now, or what? We made a feast for you too."

Awkwardly, Milla went first among the ladies, followed by Chantal, Lyla and Tara .Gemma stood with me at the end.

"Everything good?" She hugged me, seeing the mark under my scarf.

"Yeah, all good." I smiled at her as we heard something breaking. Piper and Kenny probably.

"Good, we missed you. Just don't do it again, don't wanna see my daughter in that cry baby state again. It's disturbing" I kissed her cheek as we passed the table.

"I won't." I winked at her, as little Ellie came to sit on my lap as we finished setting the table.

After asking 1000 question to where I was and about the other clubhouse, Ellie finally decided she had enough and started to eat .Or so we thought.

"Gilly, now that you'll really stay here and help me watch Espy" Such an adorable kid "Can we call you auntie Gilly? It doesn't make sense if we don't."

Their big eyes, oh no, I can't start to cry now. But they're just so adorable! I'd never thought anyone would want me to call aunt .All eyes were on me now.

"Of course you can sweetie" Kids are fast, but Ellie, Kenny and Piper? They're related to the Flash. In one minute they were happily seated eating their food, the next I was being hold on their tiny arms.

_I'm an aunt._

* * *

I'm not jinxing it; I can't jinx it anymore, because I don't believe in that stuff anymore. And you know why? Because life, for the first time, is GREAT! I have a man who loves me, a family, a job, I've even got nieces and nephews, oh and I'm about to be a grandma now; Nanook is really going to be a dad.

Koz and I are better than ever. First it was just a drawer, and now he's got the left side of my wardrobe reserved for him. The same with the bathroom. We didn't talk to Milla yet, but as soon as her husband is out, Koz will be moving in with me.

We try not to show much affection when Tara or her are around, we really do. But sometimes…We just can't help ourselves.

My house is done! No more spending money on fixing broken pipes or getting the rest of the furniture. It's all finished! Even my garden is starting to blossom; apparently I have the green thumb.

Speaking in fingers, I met Chucky. A funny guy, very optimistic. One day Gemma and I were watching him try to lift a suitcase with his hands. That's when I gave her the idea that'd help him, prosthetic hands. He deserves it.

After I got back to work, I was expecting to give a full report to my superior, but nothing; apparently, Tara is good friends with the higher ups and they let me go with just a warning for skipping that much time.

So I had to wait for my first day off to do my much anticipated shopping trip. Milla and Chantal were working, so the only person who was willing to go with me was Lyla. I helped her to pick her wedding dress too, but when I asked her where the rest of the fabric was she just laughed and told me that this was her style. When we left the shop, I bought her a garter to match her dress; it seemed like a good idea.

Like I said, everything is great .And the more time I spend with Koz, the more I want to be with him; It's never enough. We both feel it.

I never felt comfortable with sleeping at Milla's; but I did it anyway, only twice. And I got caught the second time. I got up early, make coffee (out of guilt), then I'd change than leave. She got up earlier that day. What was I supposed to do? I was wearing Koz clothes in her house! I felt like a teenager caught by her mother.

* * *

Ever since that day, Milla seemed very aware of our presence. I felt really bad about the situation and I thought that she was going to forbid me to go to her house. But that thought changed when she asked me to go with her and baby Espy to visit her husband as her personal care attendant.

"Are you sure this is ok?" This would be my first trip to prison and I wasn't sure if I'd be the best company for them. Milla kept saying that it was fine, but I was still very aware of my surroundings.

"Right this way Mrs. Ortiz, Ms. Smith." I was searched after we got in, and the worst part was that the guard took my belongings! What am I, a terrorist? Oh hell no!

Anyone could see that Milla was nervous, she'd probably let Esperanza fall even if her other arm could hold her. I could see why she needed me here. As soon as we heard the signal, her breathing accelerated and I was afraid that she'd have a heart attack.

I followed her eyes until they reached a man, shorter than me, that was practically jumping with joy. A weird sight to see in a prison. He had dark hair, with a beautiful smile, just like the pictures. Yep, that's definitely Mr. Ortiz

"Hey." Milla whispered and he grabbed her face in his hands, kissing her intensely. One of the things about love that I've learned is that no matter where or who you're with, the only person in the world that matters is the one you love. And that's why it was so easy for them to forget about me when they saw each other.

"Hey, stop that!" The rude guard interrupted them. If I was angry before that he took my stuff, I was even angrier now. Doesn't he have a heart?

I occupied myself with their daughter, until Mr. Ortiz's eyes came to her direction and I swear that his smile was brighter than the sun.

"Hey is-"She was squirming, probably excited to see her daddy too, so I granted her wish.

"Someone wants to see her Daddy." They both looked so happy. It was a difficult thing for a father who was in jail not to be guided by his emotions in a situation like this. I only saw love for his family on his eyes, but I still didn't want to intrude their precious time together.

"Juice this is Gillian. Gillian this is my husband Jean Carlos Ortiz...Juice." I smiled, still aware of the annoying guard that was looking at us.

"So you're Gillian. Damn, Koz has good taste. Thank you for everything, for being with my family when I couldn't. There's no way I could repay you for that." Such a sweet man, I could see why Milla fell for him. He also has the cutest smile, not that I'd change my James Dean replica of course.

"They're my family too so there's no need to thank me Mr. Ortiz. I'm going to go talk to the guard about my bag. I'll be back. It's so great to meet you Mr. Ortiz." All the time, Milla was looking at her family like the treasure they are and I tried my best to be polite. Her husband has done so much for her that he deserves my entire respect.

"It's just Juice." he made a face .I guess he wasn't used to being called that for some reason. When I saw the annoying guard staring at our direction again, I excused myself and went to have a word with him. That and I wanted to give them the most privacy they could have.

"Excuse me, officer…"Gemma said that even my voice changed after I got back from my "trip. Now Chantal if calling me FF- Femme Fatale. It makes no sense to me, but Koz agrees with her. "Albion."

Seriously? No wonder why he's so cranky .I can't imagine the torture he must've gone through in school with a name like Albion.

"I was wondering, where my bag is? It might not be Gucci, but it's got sentimental value to me." Among my documents and my syringes with cyanide.

The little neck he's got turned towards me "You'll receive your belongings when you leave ma'am." He looks just like Robocop! Is he even human?

"Are you sure about that? It isn't locked in a room filled with kids that will rip the fabric of my bag, is it?" I got his attention! He stopped the creepy stare towards Milla, Juice and Espy and I managed to get in a small argument about my personal belongings.

_I don't think he'll like very much when I get back._

"They'll give back my stuff before we go, you were right." I don't think they noticed me near their table, but I feared that if I stayed a little longer with the cranky guard, he might lock me there. It was a risk worth taking, because I've never seen Milla that happy.

"Sit with us. Tell me about yourself." Just like Milla said, it was easy talk to Mr. Or-Juice. I gave him the short version of how I met the club and how important his wife and daughter are to me. In return he told me the most wonderful story about how he and Milla met and how important she is to him. Let's face it, she's his life. When we were done, Milla was crying and Juice tried his best to comfort her without really touching his wife. Albion is so going to pay for that.

I let them have their moment when the sign was on and took their daughter. She seemed happier too now that she saw her daddy. I shot one last look to the guard as we left and we met my own leather prince charming.

"There are my girls!" He quickly kissed me. We were still aware of the "Milla situation."

"I'm taking my girls out to lunch then who knows? I just want to spend the day with all of you." We talked that it'd be best for Milla to spend some time with us after we left the prison and we knew by the look on her face that we made the right choice.

* * *

**If you want another chapter this long, then review**


	23. All You Need is Love

**New chapter! This one sets before the starts of the new season, and all thanks to the amazing MelanthiaChase and her beautiful Milla and Juice Saga!**

**Milla, Espy belongs to MelanthiaChase**

**I own Gillian,** **Nanook**

**Also, I know I said that his first name was Ken, but that was before the new season ,so how was I supposed to know it's Herman ?So, in my story his full name is Herman Ken Kozik ,ok?**

* * *

All You Need is Love

Koz's POV

I can't believe that one day I'd say something even remotely like this, but now I can: I am a happy man. And it's genuine, not the alcoholic type of feeling that comes and goes.

No, I'm intoxicated 24/7 with my beautiful nurse and I can't wait to finally wake up every day beside her. Since I'm still living in Milla's home those moments don't happen as much as I want them to.

Lucky for me, today was one of those days. Even if it was for a brief moment, I came home about four am and opened the door with MY key, snuck upon to her room and was ready to surprise my angel when our snitch told her that I was home.

"What Nanook?" Even with her sleepy voice she still mesmerizes me. "I hope you're not trying to catch me off guard, Koz."

As much as I love her, Gilly has the senses of a fox .Surprising her is one of the hardest things I can't do!

"How did you know it was me?" I started to strip when she opened her eyes, Showtime.

"You're the only one with keys to the house" I silenced her with a much waited kiss and climb beside her "and my heart"

Just like that, she makes me melt all over again.

"Besides, if it wasn't you, Nanook would've told me and I'd shoot" I knew she meant every word of it. Since we agreed to a mutual trust and no secret policy, I knew she had guns meticulously hid in her bedroom and several around the house. A habit she had long before we met. And I gotta say, my woman with guns is such a turn on.

"Sooo, now that you're awake, and I'm awake, what if we…"She didn't let me finish, as soon as her lips connected and her hands flew to my neck, I lost all focus of space and time.

That's how drugged over Gillian I am.

* * *

"You look like a creep with that goofy grin man, stop it." I turned to Opie to get the last box of the day. Miles and Phil were in the back and I couldn't wait to get back to my woman.

"What? Can't a man be happy for working with his soon to be married brother?" For some reason, Opie cringed. And I realized that this happened a lot lately every time any of us mentioned the date.

Gillian was really compelled to the task in organizing everything with an iron fist. Gemma told me the other night that she couldn't be more proud of her.

"Hey, is everything ok, Ope?" Not that I'm an expert on that type of thing, but I thought that when you're about to get married, you're happy. Not…well, whatever Ope and Lyla are now .I wasn't going to say anything, but they didn't seem to be getting along these days. Maybe it's just nerves.

He didn't say anything, he didn't need to. Just kept carrying the boxes and smoked when we were done. I didn't expect to find him this down. After a long silence from both parts, he started to move from his spot.

"I don't think things are going the way I thought they would, bro. I mean, Lyla should've quit porn by now. We're getting married, starting a family and I don't want the future mother of my kids to be in that position." I can't say I could understand his position. I mean, one time while at dinner, Lyla asked Gillian to help her carry some things to the new studio she was working at and Gilly politely declined. I knew she understood this life, but that didn't mean she had to dig it.

_I don't understand it. _That's the only thing she told me after we left that night. No complaints or judgments, only doubt about the adult entertainment business.

"Give it time man. I know that soon enough Lyla will be so busy with the kids that the only man she'll ever wanna see naked is you." He gave me an yellow smile, and that didn't make things any easier.

"I know." He took another drag as I started the truck "I guess I just want what you and Gilly have. That thing"

I smiled as we got back to Charming, but didn't push, Opie was damaged enough as it was.

_That thing_? Oh, yeah.

* * *

Gillian's POV

Flowers arrangements? Check.

Number of seats? Check.

Band? Checked.

"Auntie Gilly, when are we going to the candy store?" I looked down to see the hopeful innocent eyes of Piper. I dragged him along with me today because he wasn't feeling very well and Lyla let him go with me while I checked on some things for the wedding. With his energy and the way he was clutching my jeans, he wasn't so sick anymore.

"In a minute, sweetie. In the mean time why don't you help me pick the best cake sample for your Mommy and Opie? "A great thing about kids is that they're completely honest, so if they don't like it, they won't tell you otherwise.

After a hard afternoon choosing the samples to get to the soon to be newly wed couple, we decided to get all of our things and march to the candy shop. Piper chose the huge and colorful lollipop and 2 others for Kenny and Ellie. At least he likes to share.

"Well take this." I gave the basket to the woman before I knelt to clean Piper's face. Apparently, he's still eating with his entire face. So cute.

"My youngest is the same way. Don't worry, soon your son will learn how to eat candies without putting it in his hair." She seemed like a sweet woman but she was probably new to Charming, because everyone knew that I wasn't his mother.

"Thank you ma'am, but I'm his aunt, not mother." Piper was fed up with this "grown up" talk and was focused on the candies I was now holding in the bag.

"Oh, I'm sorry dear. It's just that you seem to connected with him that I thought he was yours." I smiled and was ready to leave, this woman was starting to annoy me too and I could see why Piper was losing his patience.

"It's alright. Come on Piper, everyone else is waiting for us." By the look of recognition, she realized I was affiliated with SAMCRO when a bike passed by and Piper waved at Miles. Good, because I was ready to go. But not before I heard the sentence that was like a punch to my stomach.

"Don't worry about it. You're young and I'm sure you and your boyfriend will have babies soon. If there's one thing I've learned about those bikers it's that they love a big family." I didn't see her wink at me, I only felt Pipers tiny hands pushing me out the door and to the car.

_If there's one thing I learn about those bikers is that they love a big family_.

* * *

The woman of the store was right. She didn't mean to sound nasty or anything, but what she said was worse than I thought.

"Earth to Gilly, are you there?" Thank Gemma for bringing me back to reality or else I'd be sinking in a depth of sorrow that is so not me.

"Yeah, sorry. We were talking about the table seating." Everyone was at Gemma's to help with the wedding preparations and to wait for the boys that were going to be back any minute now. So we just decided to do one big party and mix everything all at once.

After Lyla and Milla decided which seats were better for each guest, or as Gemma would say: The war map. I went to the kitchen to make dinner and was so engrossed with the rice that I barely noticed the small figure entering the room.

_A big family means lots of people, which means lots of babies, which means…_

CRASH

"Oops, calm down there, Gilly." I don't scare very often or easily, but somehow Milla did it.

Koz would be proud of her.

"Sorry about that Mills, let me get a broom." I avoided eye contact with Milla. She's just got that thing where she can see what's on your mind and I really don't have the strength to try to dodge her.

"Are you ok Gilly?" I nodded, still cleaning the floor "Piper told me you guys got to the new candy store today."

It was almost done

"Yep." I threw the bits and pieces in the trash and got back to my previous task.

"And then…" Somehow, all I could hear was little Espy cry along with Kenny, Piper and Ellie fighting over the remote control. Funny thing when you have a house full of loud bikers.

"And nothing." I stopped to get the dishes which I was almost positive I'd let drop again "I'm fine Milla. Everything is alright. I'm just busy with the wedding preparation, that's all."

I lied, and she knew.

"Liar." The Gemma look was visible in her eyes and that really freaked me out, "I can't always tell when you're lying Gilly, but now I know you are. So sit and tell me what happened."

You can't say no to Milla. Besides her being a great friend and the MC Princess; she's got that whole cute motherly air around her.

"It's nothing really, Mills. I don't know why I got so upset over this." She reached for my hand and I took it, suddenly feeling so small. "The lady just made a comment about kids and families and I think I let this got to me."

She squeezed my hand and I saw that she was giving me a sad smile.

We never talked about it, but I knew that she read my file and she knew the conditions that could cause problems when it came to conceiving.

"I know how much you love kids, Gilly. You don't have to say it, we all see it in your eyes when you're next to them." Great, now her eyes were watering as she held in tears; Milla wasn't helping me one bit to try and stay strong. "But I also know how much Koz loves you, more than anyone. As much as his patch! And you know that's true. So don't be like this, because you have each other and you've got us."

Sometimes I forgot how young Milla is, even so she went through so much. And she was right. We have each other and have we had our family.

_What more could I ask for?_

* * *

The men came back at night, and it was a huge party! Chucky, that now had "fingers" thanks to Gemma, carried the plates as we set the table for the kids. Even with all that being great, my favorite part greeting Koz. Nothing can compare to feeling the leather of his cut on my fingers.

"Welcome back darling." I think everyone was there, but I couldn't focus, as usual I was deeply engrossed on those blue orbs looking right at me.

"You have no idea how I've missed you." Oh, I did. In fact I could feel it very well.

"Alright, no humping like bunnies, let's go inside." Gemma ordered us, but I can she that she's as happy as I am to have part of the family back.

"Yes ma'am." Miles, still trying to be as polite as he can, and also since he's deeply scared of her, was the first to go in.

"Wait." We were the last ones to go in, and after his long waited kiss, I wasn't complaining. "Can't we just stay there for a while and then go home? I really missed you…"

I can't think straight when he bites my ear like that. Besides, I missed my man as well. It's not like we don't want to be with our family, but moments like this, we prefer to spend to ourselves.

* * *

"I think I see stars now..." I laughed and gently punched his arm, but I was too tired to push him any harder after what we just did.

"I'm serious babe, you were…incredible..." I blushed as I felt his hands gently caressing my back. "You were just so…"

"Can't finish a sentence Koz? Man, I must be really getting good at this stuff." I winked and his booming laugh made my smile wider.

"Yeah, well, you do have a great teacher." What a showoff! If I had enough strength I'd punch him again, this time in a place that he'd really be hurting.

"Oh rub it in, remind me of your previous conquests, Don Juan." One thing that I love about Koz is that he always puts me first, no matter what. Even when I joke, he turns the situation I guess he's too scared of loosing me. Like that'd ever happen.

"No, I didn't mean like that babe. You know you're the one for me. I'm so…" As much as I love to see his cute face in the dark, I miss him too much to spend our time arguing over things that aren't important. So I silenced him with a kiss.

* * *

Woke up with a bang. Literally! Any minute now I knew I'd smell something burning coming from the kitchen, which meant only one thing: Koz is cooking.

The first time he tried to cook, he burnt water. I'm not kidding, he did the impossible. But I couldn't discourage him, so I let him try to make…whatever he was trying to. And his food really helps me wake up. In time, he'll be a good cook… I hope so anyway.

And yet, I couldn't be happier. How many women can say that their boyfriends wake up early just to surprise you with his cooking skills? Not many.

Even at that moment I felt that aching feeling growing again. What that woman said to me yesterday still haunted me and as much as I love Milla, I needed to get this of my chest with My Kozik. I just didn't want to upset him. We never talked about it and I didn't even know his position on having kids, but I needed to clarify things.

"Good morning." I pretended to wake up surprised, and to my actual surprise, he didn't burn anything. I was impressed.

"Wow, all for me?" His smile was enough for us as we both sat comfortably on my bed and enjoyed our breakfast. Who knew he could learn how to cook this good so fast?

"You must have a great teacher." He laughed and sucked the rest of the coffee that was on my lips.

"The best"

* * *

"So, are you going to tell me what's on your mind now?" One of the annoying things about having someone that can read you so easily is that...they can read you so easily.

I can't just tell him that nothing is wrong, I'd be lying to Koz, and we don't do that, **ever**.

"Come sit with me." We went to the living room that now was filled with pictures of us and the family, most of them thanks to Milla and Koz. He made it his life's mission to have pictures of us spread all over the house. And it adds a cozy feeling to it that I didn't know it was missing.

"I know that we never talked about this before, and I don't know how you…" I started to fight the tears that were threatening to come "...God, this is hard…"

My eyes were blurring now.

"Breathe, baby." When I felt his arms around me, everything collapsed. "I'm here, what's wrong?"

"I can't have children, you know that." I hated this scary voice, but if I spoke louder, I was afraid that he might slip through my fingers. "The chances of me getting pregnant are less than minimum."

I felt his arms tighter around me, giving me assurance.

"And I know I never asked you what you thought about it, but I need you to know that this is my dream, the most impossible I could have, but it's my dream. I know this might never happen. I don't want you to be left in the dark, so I'm telling you this." I wasn't looking at him, my body was shaking so hard and I really was scared to face him. We just stood there holding each other for what it seemed hours.

"Gilly, look at me darling." We were close, but I still needed to look at him as much as he needed me to "I know. Love, we have the same dream; and I know that it kills you every time you see a mother holding a baby, and it kills me because I can't give that to you."

He wiped my tears and I closed my eyes at his touch

"I love you so much, my darling. All I want is to see you happy, every day I try to make you smile, and if we can't have children, we'll have each other." I wiped his single tear and we kissed. I love this man so much.

"Are we enough, Koz?" My voice was coming back, and I still couldn't look away.

"Darling, we're too much." And just like that, we spent the rest of the day together in our own little world.

* * *

"I'm sorry, WHAT?" I yelled at my lout of control boyfriend. Koz had this idea in his mind that there was a strange car near my house and following me.

"I can take care of myself Koz, if you haven't noticed." I motioned to all the hidden guns around the house. He knew I could shoot; we went to practice at least twice a month.

"I'm not kidding, Gillian. I want you at Milla's until we sort out who this creep is." Was he really raising his voice at **me**?

"Oh, I don't think so, Herman." He cringed at the mention of his name. Yep, two can play this game, "This is my house, and I won't leave just because you have 'suspicions'."

"Darlin', I'm sorry, ok? It's just that I worry about you and I want to keep you safe. Is that too much to ask?" Oh, that's so unfair! He knows I can't say not to him when he gives me that puppy dog look. "For me, please?"

"Fine! You big… manipulator." He laughed as he took me to his bike.

"We need to have you verbally attack more, darlin." I stuck my tongue at him as we drove off.

"Yeah, I know"

* * *

I'm having the strangest dreams. I spent good part of the day helping Milla with the wedding and baby Espy, so clearly I was tired. But what was so weird, and real as that I felt a presence lie beside me, that I was sure that was the dream Kozik by my side.

"Hey, Gilly, I was thinking…"Nothing weird in that, so far.

"Humpf" I was too tired to say anything

"I think it's time for us to get married. I mean, we love each other and I can't think on my life with anyone else but you." The dream me froze, it felt so real.

"Gilly? Love, what do you say?" The real Koz wouldn't propose to me. I mean, why would he? He didn't need to, having his crow is enough and we haven't even talked about it yet, so why would be so fast forward and propose me?

_What a strange dream._

"Yeah, sure." And that's all I remembered before I felt his lips on mine.

* * *

**Was she dreaming or not? Review and I'll let you know.**


	24. Meeting the Family

**So, this is the official beginning of season 4 in my story, and right away there's a very…creepy character per say. Can you guess who it is?**

**Of course this story wouldn't be possible without the huge help of my beta MelanthiaChase and her beloved character Milla. Thank you!**

**I only own Gillian.**

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Meeting the Family

Gillian's POV

"I can't believe I'm hearing this." I was walking down the street, doing my weekly groceries when Tara called me about some adjustments that she'd have to do on her bridesmaid dress. I said I'd gladly do it, but that was only the tip of the iceberg.

She's always a very calm and confident woman, but something must've triggered her when I said something about the size of the dress, because she started to panic about how Jax would see her with "_all that baby weight_"

"Listen to me Tara, I may not know Jax, but I really don't think that after 14 months in that place, he'll care much about some nonexistent pounds." She started to calm down after that. I guess I've put some sense, at least a little on her head. Like I said, Tara is a very logical person.

"I'll be there in a few. I just got baby Thomas something." I stopped right in front of one of the local department stores that I never really noticed, and there it was: the perfect bed for Koz and me! He's more eager than me to buy one, and I never thought we'd have so much trouble in finding one to me it was just another bed, for my boyfriend? Not so much.

"Come on Gilly, you've been spoiling these kids, don't you think it's enough?" I had no idea what she was talking about! Me, spoiling my more than adorable nieces and nephews? Never!

"You're talking Greek here, Tara, I don't do that." I heard her snort and then she hung up because little Abel starting to cry. And yes, I knew the difference between their crying.

I took my time wandering the store; it was one the oldest here in Charming and the owner said he'd make a good discount for me and my "husband". Apparently, he's one of those old school people who didn't sell anything unless you had a ring on your finger. Good thing the plastic bag was covering my hands.

_Husband_. It's a word I never thought I'd let it out from my mouth, or think I will. Ever since that night, which I found out I wasn't dreaming, Koz asked me to marry him about 37 times. And I always say things like _yeah, sure _or_ okay, _but I know he doesn't mean it. That's just the way he is and I'm content with that. I have to accept the man I love just the way he is, or else he won't be the Koz I know and love. So, if he doesn't want to go any further in our relationship, I'm cool with it. He doesn't need to prove anything to me.

And just like that, my phone rings. Speak of the devil.

"I was just thinking about you." You didn't have to be there to know that he was smiling.

_"Just what I like to hear, baby."_I can't get mad at him; not even when he uses his cocky voice. _"You at our home?" _

Koz can't stop saying our home anymore. Ever since I told him that his drawer was too crowded and that he needed to have his own side of the closet, he practically kissed my knees at my proposal. Who knew a biker would have all those clothes?

That's why he kept repeating the words our home at every possible chance, I think he loves it as much as I do. I never had anyone to share my things with and as much frightening as it is, it's also great because I've never had anyone like Kozik to be a part of it.

"No, I 'm on main street and I just found something that is a gift to both of us. It's got a cozy mattress and a lovely dark color…"He didn't let me finish, like always, Koz is too excited for some things, I only heard the roar of his bike before he says _I'm coming right up._

He is just so eager sometimes! And I just love him for it. Knowing my boyfriend, he'd be here in ten minutes, or less, depending on wherever he was, so I took my time to look at other things on display while I waited for him.

I didn't mean to stare at that white little crib that was a little to my left. I really didn't; but it was like an invisible force was pulling me in.

It didn't cross my mind that someone might be watching me.

"Pretty, huh? Of course you never really notice since they grow so fast." My neck almost broke as I whipped my head toward the small voice. There was a man beside me, and when he took his sunglasses off, his piercing stare told me in the back of my mind that this was not something good.

I admit, he was an attractive man, tall with dark eyes and a smooth hair. But he was no Kozik, so his apparent attempt to flirt with those eyes wouldn't work.

"Do you have kids?" He was a very quiet man, I can see it, but there was something else in his eyes that I couldn't quite reach. A mystery to me.

"No." Was my only reply. I'm not used to being mean to people ,ok **good** people, but there was something about him that made me want to turn around and wait for Koz elsewhere.

I have no idea why, but his face got calmer and his voice was a little more than a whisper when he got closer to me

"Well then, you should find someone to have kids with, Miss Smith" My blood got cold at the mention of my name.

"How do you know my name?" This situation was making me feel uncomfortable and that's something **really** hard to get.

"It says on your name tag." Ok, now I felt stupid. I forgot that I left the hospital still in my uniform and of course my name tag was on it too.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Here, and if it helps I'll introduce myself." He stopped for a minute. Why, didn't he know his own name?

"My name is Linc." that's it, all he said. No last name or anything. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance" He didn't try to kiss my hand or any other gesture, but he didn't back away either.

"Nice to meet you mister." Mister? I felt like a toddler now, and his smile wasn't helping much either. It wasn't warm like Koz's; it was…well, creepy. "I need to go; my boyfriend will be here any minute now."

As if he read my mind, my knight shining leather came down the street. I didn't tear my eyes from him, or else I'd see the man-Linc, with a dark look.

"Aww, the boyfriend, I suppose?" I felt proud when he said it. He's, THE boyfriend. "Well, he's one lucky fella."

He didn't wink at me, he couldn't, right? But when I was going to confront the creepy man, he was gone.

"Hey, did you wait too long?" Right when I was going to answer him, the tall biker scooped me up from the sidewalk to give me a proper greeting. Before I'd be embarrassed with this expression of affection. But now, I just want more.

"Someone's eager to buy that bed." I winked and kissed his nose, he still wouldn't let me go. It was like I weighed nothing when he held me. He's very strong.

"Not that I don't like sharing that single bed of yours." He pecked my forehead and then my lips "But I can't wait to buy **our** bed."

When he put me down, I grabbed him by his cut and kissed him as fervently as I could, showing how much I wanted a new bed too.

"I think we've waited long enough."He followed me inside, with that smug grin I love so much.

The owner greeted us with a line that gave Kozik the final decision to buy the bed.

"Hello Mr. Kozik, your wife has told me a lot about you"

* * *

Today was the day. The rest of the SAMCRO family would be reunited .I was beside Tara, explaining the details of her dress, since she finally got over her stupid insecurities and held the little blue bunny that I gave to little Tommy.

"He doesn't sleep without it." She told me as little Abel started to fuss about his green turtle that I got too. Kids and non dangerous toys are a great combination in our world.

"Are you ok?" I stood beside Gemma now. She looked like she needed a little support; the fact that she squeezed my hand and looked me in the eye was enough to show that she needed support.

"I'll get back to you in a bit." I squeezed her hand back as I watched my surroundings: everything was ready for a big party. The prospects really did a great job, then again with Koz, Opie, Piney and Chibs barking orders at them 24/7, they wouldn't do anything less.

_Here they come_. It was like watching the champions of the arena; every woman, prospect and Chucky stopped for a moment before the cheer erupted, and I was ready to be part of it. They all looked so mighty and important, even with the parade, I easily spotted Kozik.

It was touching to see everyone together, it looked like Milla and Juice would never let go of each other and I didn't think I'd ever seen little Espy so happy. Even Gemma let a tear fall when she hugged her husband. I stood a respectable distance away when she called me.

"And this is Gillian, the one I told you about." I shot my eyebrows up; I didn't know Gemma told her husband about me.

"Oh, I see." He playfully winked at Gemma "Welcome to the family Gillian."

I accepted his hug, which was what it seems a very rare moment of the President. But Gemma told me he was a little emotional because of getting out, and I didn't expect much in the future.

"You have a pretty Old Lady here, Koz." I didn't see him sneaking up on me, but Gemma did.

"Yes, he knows." With a mystery look, Gemma let us go. Even though I wasn't officially his Old Lady yet, the fact didn't seem to bother the royal couple. Strange, because Milla always told me about how rigid her parents are about the rules.

Koz was practically puffing his chest out of his cut when he led me to his brothers. I met Bobby, who at first seems tough but he was a true gentleman when Koz introduced us. _Finally I can put a face to the name. _I guess Gemma wasn't the only one talking about me.

Next was Happy. Every Old Lady warned me about being careful with him, that he's not a man of a lot of words, but I don't know, for some reason he didn't seem threatening to me at all. We stared for like two minutes before he nodded and gave Koz a little grin. I guess he approved of me.

The last one was Tig…**The** Tig. The man who voted against Koz being patched and the reason for the feud over Missy, which Koz told me all about. He probably seemed very frightening to most people inside and outside the club, but as I looked closer into his eyes, I saw a lot of sorrow and anger. Just like everyone else.

He didn't say anything, just stared at me. I guess no one told him about me. Before things got too awkward, Bobby broke the silence.

"Tig, aren't you going to say hi to Koz's Old Lady?" Apparently, that was the spark to set things on fire.

"WHAT? HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN? I GOT LOCKED UP AND HE GETS A WOMAN?"

Definitely, not the reaction I was hoping for.

* * *

**Yep, that's Tiggy. What do you think it's going to happen next? Review and I'll let you know.**


	25. The Wedding

**Sorry for my delay, what can I say? I was PISSED at Kozik's ending on the show! Who wouldn't be? So, after a LOT of depression, I decided that his fate on my story will be different.**

**Don't like it, don't read it.**

**First, I'd like to thank my beta MelanthiaChase and those who reviewed: JJ-Jefferu, kurounue13, chaschick02, Angel N Darkness, AyumiiUzimaki, wrestlenascargirl, Venetiangrl92, ILoveAnime89 and cici love. This chapter is for all of you!**

**Gilly belongs to me, but Chantal, baby Espy and Milla belong to MelanthiaChase.**

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The Wedding

Gillian's POV

"Hello, earth to Gilly! I need your help now Missy!" I jerked to attention, it wouldn't take much for Gemma to throw a pan at me. The men were still in church and we were helping our Queen to make the so special and anticipated gathering lunch.

"Are you ok?" I barely acknowledged Milla's presence. She had taken baby Espy for a nap and came back so suddenly that I completely forgot about her.

"Yeah, everything's fine." She could tell that something was wrong by just looking at my face. Was I becoming that easy to read after all these years?

"Just…?"She didn't finish the sentence. She didn't have to.

"It's just that Koz is saying some things. Koz's things, I don't know" The pan was still in my hand, and it was a point for me to hide behind It from the Queen and the Princess.

"Well, yeah, he's Koz, the joker. But, you already know that. So what's with that face?" Was I over thinking things? Maybe my friends could help me.

"Nothing is wrong, really. Kozik is fantastic, and you know what I feel about him." I was hoping to let things pass with my statement, but I knew I was in trouble when Chantal and Tara came to listen.

"Aaaand?" The sight of Tara holding little Tommy was a bit overwhelming for me. I don't know why. I've accepted my fate a long time ago, and yeah, sometimes I get sad when I see a mother holding her baby, but that doesn't happen as much as it used to.

"Honey, you've gotta tell us. None of us here is a mind reader." These women, all of them, are Kozik's family. They've been a part of his life for longer that I have and that's great! I love all of them. But, will they be ok with what I think?

"We all know that he's always making jokes and trying to lighten up the mood. And I love him for it. I do" For some reason, my eyes started to tear up. Damn allergies.

"But for the past few days, he's got this crazy idea about getting married, and I just don't feel comfortable with this kind of joke" There it was. For a minute, they all went quiet.

The first time he asked me, I was sleeping. The second time he asked, we were in the shower; the third was after a bad day I had at work. So, they never counted. And for all I heard about my boyfriend, he's not the married type, and I'm super ok with that. So, why would he want to play with me like this?

"Oh, honey..." Why were they all starring at me like that? It was true. Ok, today is Lyla and Opie's wedding, but we all know the amount of a real marriages inside the club. Practically nonexistent.

"He's not joking, Gilly." I was used to Gemma's kindness, but not everyone else was when she spoke to me.

"What? Of course he is. He's…"

"Gil, listen. I have never, **ever, **heardKozik even mention the idea of a steady girlfriend, let alone a wife. So ,if that boy is asking you to marry him ,he's dead serious"

"Mom is right, Gilly. He used to think monogamy was some type of disease. Now look at him! All smitten with you, living together with the hot nurse girlfriend, showering everyday. It's a miracle! So, don't tell me you think he is joking, because that man definitely is serious about making you "

_Were they right?_

* * *

_Look how beautiful he is. _Tara went to give a bath on Abel and left me to take care of little Tommy. He was awake now, but thanks to my miraculous arms (according to Kozik), he was almost sleeping again.

_Golden slumbers kiss your eyes,_

_Smiles await you when you rise._

_Sleep,_

_pretty baby,_

_Do not cry,_

_And I will sing a lullaby._

_Cares you know not,_

_Therefore sleep,_

_While over you a watch I'll keep._

_Sleep,_

_pretty darling,_

_Do not cry,_

_And I will sing a lullaby._

"I didn't know you could sing like that." It seems that my boyfriend was listening to me and only came when I put the adorable angel on his crib. Cheater.

"Like a stuttering goose? Why, yes, I sing." I was planning on a quick peck on his lips, but he wasn't.

"What are you doing? We're in a kids room, you perv." Not to mention, in a very visible spot, now that the rest of his brother were released. And I so didn't want that kind of attention.

"Oh, please .I haven't even started yet." God, who could resist his eyes when he winked like that at me? It's stronger than me. Not my fault.

"Are you done packing your stuff?" Koz and I, well mostly Koz, decided to take a few days off in Tacoma and visit the rest of his family. We'd been discussing this for a while and, after everyone was out and I had my first real vacation time since I started working, it would be great to spend some time along with my boyfriend.

"Actually, yes. Abner and Gladys said that they'll be happy to take care of Nanook and the pups while we are gone" Apparently, puppies melted the iron heart of my neighbor and ever since she's been nicer to everyone. Even her husband!

"Good, Nanook is a father now; he needs to be with his family." The glint in his eyes made me feel guilty. I felt so bad for him. "What's wrong, baby?"

"We already had this discussion before, and I know you won't want a repeat, but…"

"Gilly, baby, come on"

"I can't give you a family, Koz. You know that. And that look on your face when you

see me holding Tommy, or Espy, or Abel I'll never be able to give you" Oh God, why was I crying now?

"_I'm sorry_"

"Shh, it's ok. Honey, look at me, please." He took my red face on his callused hands "I don't need anybody else, baby. All I need is _you_. Are you gonna spend the rest of your life with me?" I nodded, unable to speak "Good, cause that's all I need" This man is perfect. How can I not kiss him? Baby's nursery or not?

"Gezz, this is a nursery, what are you thinking?" His brother, the one with crazy eyes…Tig came in.

"Yeah, got a problem?" I don't know what's with men and testosterone. I never understood it. But now, with Koz, I kinda like this protectiveness.

"Naw man just came to call you kids. Lunch is ready. And you know how mama Gemma is when someone is late." When we passed him, I stared straight into his eyes. There was something about him. I don't know, all I know is that I managed to send a chill into him. I know because he had that look that most people have before I end them.

* * *

"Wow." Was the first reaction I got from Koz when I appeared in my dark silver dress for the wedding. Koz, of course, was wearing his cut. But, being in a wedding or anywhere else my man can pull the rebel biker look like no one else.

"I don't think we'll manage to get there on time. You look _so sexy._" Oh no I know where this is going. That look means only one thing, and if I stare more than two seconds, I'll be in his spell.

"No, mister. I know that tricksy face. We won't be late. It's your brother's wedding, baby. Come on!" Lucky for me, my dress was long enough to cover me when I was on his bike.

"But, I promise the wait will be worthwhile" As my boyfriend always says, I have magical hands.

"Promise?" He kissed my hand before he started the bike. Such a gentleman.

"Promise"

* * *

It was a true biker wedding. Many people came, bearing their respective cuts and wishing Opie good luck. Lyla was not here yet, but I'm sure she was as nervous as the groom.

Everything looked great. I was proud of all the work we'd been doing to get to this point. Before I knew it, we were standing in front of the groom himself.

"Good luck Opie." I smiled and hugged him. Of all the Sons, Opie was the closest I ever had that much physical contact. He was a real nice man, and a great father. So, it wasn't a hard thing to do.

"Thanks Gilly. You look great" It's true that my dress didn't show as much cleavage, for obvious reasons, as Chantal's purple dress, but I was elegant enough, if I may add.

"Good luck brother. I'm proud of you." Koz and Opie shared their man hug, and there was something visible in both of their eyes when they looked at me for a second.

"Thanks brother. Someday it'll be your time too"

"Sooner than you think." Oh no, why is Opie in on this, too?

"Alright, let's not monopolize the groom." I led my boyfriend to our seats, but before that we ran into Milla, who was beautiful in her red dress, with baby Espy and her husband.

"Aren't you a hot mama?" I kissed Milla and Espy as her husband respectfully greeted me.

"What can I say, when you have a family like mine, you don't need much." We all laughed, but there it was again, that weird feeling, _unfinished_.

"The ceremony is about to start. We'll see you guys later" Juice said quickly and we all went to our seats. Their daughter was sleeping peacefully, so he would be able to enjoy the moments he has alone with his wife as much as he could.

* * *

Everything was so wonderful! I never actually participated in a real wedding before, and seeing everything for the first time was so great! The flowers, the bride with that piece of cloth she called dress, the Harleys and the cuts. I'm sure that not all of that was traditional in other weddings, but this one made everything look so magical.

"Are you ok?" Koz didn't let go of my hand since we sat, and it was soothing having him that close to me. For the last few days, with the boys getting out and everything, we had little time to ourselves. But I understood. And now, that we have, we'll be spending a lot more time just enjoying each other.

"Yes, everything is wonderful" He chuckled and kissed my cheek when something moist came to his lips.

"Then why are you crying?" I wasn't crying. I had no idea what he was talking about.

"I'm not" I don't cry in weddings! Ever. It must be his imagination. I just shut down from the world and, for a moment, I picture Koz and me instead of Opie and Lyla.

"So, what do you think it'd look like, the two of us there?" He whispered in my ear, so we didn't get any attention. Smooth. "Wanna get married?"

"_I promise to treat you as well as my leather and ride you as much as my Harley" _When Opie said it, such a simple and funny line even, I cracked.

"Oh honey..."

_Ok, maybe I was crying._

* * *

"It was so beautiful!" I said to Milla and Chantal. Juice, Koz, and the rest of the men went to discuss something important and only left us girls.

"Of course it was! After all the work we put, it had to stand out!" Milla was happy with her daughter in her lap. Of all of us, she was the one who smiled the most.

"That's why you have those puffy eyes?" Leave to Chantal to make me self conscious about my appearance.

"Yeah, it was. Do I look ok? She nodded and Gemma came to pick up her granddaughter.

"Why are you crying so much now, Gilly?" I didn't notice that. Was I? It must be stress, because I'm so not like that.

"It's only your imagination, mama bear. Come on girls, let's dance." We left Gemma doing one of her favorite things, caring for her grandkids, while me and the girls went to the dance floor.

"So, is everything alright?" Chantal was referring to the "marriage prank" Kozik had going on. Only these women would think that he was serious.

"Yeah, everything is alright now." I said, not convincing them.

"Really?" Milla, with her menacing eyes, questioned me.

"Really" I was 100% that this all was going to pass. Maybe he was on the wedding spirit .Completely understandable.

"Okay. If you say so, look out, because here he comes." Milla warned me before being gently pulled away by her husband, and Chantal went to find Phil.

"They are so cute." I said when I felt two strong arms wrapped around my middle.

"Yeah, but we are too." It's amazing how his voice can do wonders when his lips are on my ears.

"Well, they are them and we are us." We kissed as he swirled me to a more private part of the dance floor.

"It was a beautiful wedding." I nodded, too engrossed in his smile to say anything else "But I think ours will be even more beautiful" I started to back off. I didn't want to hear his humor now. "You don't believe me, do you?" His eyes were so needy. I only saw it once, when he tracked me down. And I swore to myself, that I'd never cause this again.

"Sweetie, just…It's not who you are. You're The Rebel, The Joker, The James Dean of the group. And I'm ok with it. You don't need to create fantasies that you don't want to." I've only seen this murderous look usually when he's protecting us, but never to me.

"Gillian Smith." He doesn't say my full name. That means something serious is coming. "I am not creating anything that I don't want for you. I want, need you. I tracked you down, played the stalker, shot cans with you. Hell, I'm a better person because for you. And you don't believe me?" His grip on me tightened when I received the unexpected, and fierce kiss. It held so much desire that for the third time, the tears ran freely down my face.

_He was being serious._

"I, promise that my love for you will remain steadfast, throughout all the difficulties and changes in our lives." He kissed my right cheek.

"I promise that you can always depend on me for anything." He kissed my left cheek.

"I promise to view you as my equal, deserving of respect, patience, and understanding in all areas of our relationship." He kissed my hair.

"I promise to consider your happiness in all things, and only make decisions that will benefit both of us." He kissed my forehead.

"I promise that the physical and emotional bond between us will remain unique and will not be shared with anyone else." He kissed my nose.

"I promise you all these things, as your one and only husband, until the day we die." When he kissed my lips, I was a wreck.

"So, that's why I ask you Gillian Smith" Everyone else was too busy to enjoy that moment. Sad for them, because my heart was bursting trough my chest.

"Will you marry me?"

* * *

**HOW CUTE WAS THAT? BUT, what will she say? ;)**


	26. Mr & Mrs K

**Milla and Chantal belongs to the amazing MelanthiaChase**

**Dxeter is a super amazing book series/tv show created by Jeff Lindsay**

**Thanks to my beta MelanthiaChase**

* * *

Mr. & Mrs. K

_"Will you marry me?"_

_Are you serious? _That was what I wanted to say. He wanted to marry me. He WANTS to marry me! Gillian Smith, with no sparkling personality, a dark past and a slight serial killer disorder. He knows all about me, and yet, he seems to be content with never leaving my side.

"Yes."

"Really?" He was grinning like a kid who saw a Christmas tree for the first time and so was I.

"Really, I want to be ." I wanted to say more, to shout and interrupt Opie and Lyla's beautiful reception, but he caught me off guard with a kiss so powerful, that thank God he was holding me, or else I'd have fallen.

Good thing everyone else was too busy focusing on the bride and groom to pay any attention to us.

* * *

"I'm getting married. Can you believe that?"

I was never a person to talk to inanimate objects. Its obvious they can't respond, but this case was different. Everything was different.

"To that man I brought here once to meet you. Kozik, do you remember him?" It was a beautiful start of the day. The sun was coming up. Koz and I decided to leave early and get to Tacoma before lunch. But first I needed to visit someone.

"You told me once that someday I would meet a great man who would make me happier than I thought it was possible. I always got angry at you because I didn't believe that could happen to me." His gravestone was a little dirty, so I had to take some of the mud to read the name.

"I'm so sorry for being mad at you." A tear rolled right onto my hand as I read _suae quisque fortuna faber est_ and below it said _Henry Jacob Donaldson – Beloved father and husband._

"Now I can't stop doing that, all that time! Am I leaking or something Henry? Look at my face, I look like a sponge!" I don't know what I was expecting. Was he going to wake up and give me a lecture about how wrong I was that life would suck for the rest of my days and that I was not going to end up an old hag?

"You were always right, Henry." For the first time, I felt that there was nothing for me here. I could just walk away without any baggage.

And that's what I did. I stood up, put the white roses beside his name and went straight for my leather jacket prince.

"Goodbye father."

* * *

"Here we are! What do you think, babe?" Kozik decided that we should stay in a hotel instead of taking the hospitality of the Tacoma clubhouse. He said that the place was too crowded and they didn't like visitors very much. That was the worst lie I'd ever heard.

"It's beautiful! But, what's up with you? Why can't we stay with your brothers? There are a lot of people I don't know yet, remember?" His features changed when I mentioned them. It was a holiday right? So, why not take this little time off and get to know our extended family?

"Do you really want to go out and socialize with everybody else?" there was something going on in the sexy eyes of my future husband.

"Hey, what is it?" We had this crazy and according to Phil, very spooky sync that allowed me to see everything that was going on just by looking into his eyes. And what he didn't tell me, I snatched out of him.

He took me by my hands and guided me to the bed.

"There's something I didn't tell you last night."

* * *

I never thought it could get this far. But, from what Kozik told me, some things were left in the dark.

"And this is only the beginning." His tone was sad, yet forceful. There was still a little thing in there that he didn't want to share.

"Koz" I tried to make him look at me, but with no avail. He just stood up and started pacing. "Love, what is it?"

"I don't think like I used to anymore. I can't. I've met you and now we're getting married…" To put an end to his ramble, I took his face in my hands and forced him to look straight into my eyes.

"You and me, remember? I'm not going anywhere." His eyes relaxed for a brief moment. "Now, what is it?"

"I just think that…for now, we could try to live our lives somewhere else…away from the club." He was being serious! I understand that their new deal might bring some trouble to us all. But, stay away?

"Isn't that a bit extreme?" My voice was low. There was no sound coming from outside and I was afraid that he might explode at any time. What he was telling me was extremely serious. Why would he want to break from his family?

"I'll keep doing my errands as always, and all the things the guys ask me to. I just want, to try and see how our life together would be away from all that." I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I sure as hell wasn't going to cut ties with Milla ,Chantal, Tara, Phil, Gemma, Lyla and the kids! But, whatever my soon-to-be-husband says, I'm 100% with him.

"Whatever you say hubby"

* * *

"Beautiful, isn't it?" We were driving to the middle of nowhere. Ok, I'm overreacting; it's about 45 minutes of the clubhouse. And let me say, it was a nice view. There was this vast green, with plenty of room to do a little picnic.

And, as cheesy as this sound, that's what we did. Well, after we practiced our shooting.

"Oh, somebody needs to practice a little more!" He was so not mocking me! My next shot topped his.

"Sorry dear, what were you saying?" Next time, it was his aim that went wrong. Score one for Gilly!

"Somebody needs to practice a little more!" My attempt to mock his voice went wrong when he reholstered his gun and decided it was better to chase me. Good thing mine was on the ground. Sadly, I couldn't keep up with his ostrich legs.

"What did you say, little nurse? Are you mocking my _aim_?" I was supposed to fake being mad at him. But the way the sun shines on his hair is almost impossible for me to ignore with such sight.

"Yes, I am. What would Henry say if I found a man to marry with such poor skills?" Now, that touched a nerve.

"You **really** shouldn't have said that." I really shouldn't. Because we spent the rest our day, and part of the afternoon with him proving to me how good his _aim_ is.

* * *

"I don't know how no one has passed by and charged us with indecent exposure." The smile was evident in my voice, and as much as I tried to, without any real will to, we spent the day wrapped on the blankets that my smart fiancé brought.

"I don't know a single person who would try to come near us and disturb our vacation, darling" He kissed my lips gently, and once again, I was in heaven.

"I could get used to this place." He said, finally getting up to search for his pants. "Living here must be nice. No traffic, just us and nature. What do you think?" I had to laugh at the idea, that doesn't seem like the badass biker I know and love. Then again, there's another side that he only shows to me.

"Great idea, but where would we live, in the trees?" My blouse was actually in one of the apple tress. How did that happen?

"A-ha smarty pants, very funny. I was thinking more on the lines of making us a home. I could build it, you know? Right here." He was dead serious. My Koz is just full of surprises! He started to ramble on and on how he could make us a perfect cozy house in record time, for us to live in after we get married.

"And then you'll cook my meals, like a nice little housewife." He winked and the playful glint didn't go unnoticed by me when he slipped his hands to my butt.

"Very funny, mister authority. What about my work?" That was a touchy subject. I knew that Kozik had that primary desire to grow and protect his family, but I still have **needs** that I need to fulfill in my type of work, as in helping to save lives…

_And taking them._

"Do you really have to?" I knew what he meant; did I really have to go out and play Dexter?

_Well, will the police go out and do their jobs to arrest every pedophile and sex offender?_

"Yeah, I do." Because no one else does it.

"I understand, just…can you stop it, for a little while?" Could I? I wouldn't be alone anymore. I had to think about what would happen to my husband if someday I got caught. I managed to dodge the penitentiary system so far, I couldn't go there after I became .

"I promise"

* * *

_Pick up, pick up, pic…_

"Milla, hi!" I sounded cheerful, well too cheerful for my own taste. So, it was only natural for my friend to find my tone strange.

"This can't be Gilly speaking, so this is either a very good replica of my friend or something really great happened and I need all the good news I can get." Milla sounded a bit odd; I thought after her husband got out, she'd be happier, her family was all together again. So…

_Oh, that subject…_

"So, you heard about it, huh?" I immediately regretted my words; Koz and I had a very open display on how we view things, so he told me all about his job and I told him about mine. I never told anything that I knew about what my man told me to anyone. Even Milla.

"Heard what?" She was alert and I didn't even have to see.

"About the proposal, of course!" Partially true. I felt bad for not telling my friend and asking her if she knew about the Russians or not; but it wasn't my place to tell.

"OH MY GOD! HE PROPOSED! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" The next part of our conversation was a round of exclamations that I couldn't possibly understand. All I knew is that my friend was very happy for us.

And so was I, I'm not going to let anything spoil our happiness.


	27. A New Life

A New Life

There are some things in this world I can say for sure that I'm ready for .Others, I can't.

I had no idea where my life would take me; the changes I'd face and the people I would met. Nor that everything would have such an impact on who I am and what I do.

I've always been cautious, with everything. Every life I took, I did it because it was right; no one else would do it and bad things would keep on happening .It's how I do things.

And then, Kozik came into my life and change it all.

I didn't expect to go out of control; I've never did it. But, when I felt that my lover's life was threatened, I had to.

_"What is that on your back?" I screamed after seeing the trail of blood streaming from his jacket._

_ "Nothing Gilly, it was just a misunderstanding .Nothing I haven't had before" He winked at me. Was he trying to calm me with that stunt?_

_ "Jacket off. Now" I didn't know who took over, the blood or the nurse one. All I knew is that I had to fix him._

_ "Well, if you wanted to take my clothes of, all you needed was ask" But I didn't laugh, now it wasn't the time._

_ "What were you thinking? We've been here for a week and you already had a knife on your back?" It wasn't severe, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't be concerned._

_ "Let it go babe, it was nothing" I was already working and wasn't looking into his gorgeous eyes. If I had, I'd loose my focus._

_ "Who did this?"_

_ "Gilly, come o…"_

_ " .It?"I had a plan in my head and no blond bike would stop me._

_ "Just the…competition" It was all he said .Enough to me._

_ "Honey, you're not going to do anything" He was serious. The bandage was done and my man needed other type of attention._

_ "Me? Of course not" I reply as swiftly as I could, sitting on his lap, afraid I might hurt him "Now, let's go lie down and get some rest, ok?" I guided him to our bed, letting a trail of butterfly kisses on his chest._

_ "Okay"_

It took me 12 hours to find out the responsible .Koz was out; turns out it wasn't anyone from the rival motor clubs, but from his past. I was intrigued, but, nevertheless, my message was sent: no one messes with **my** man!

Koz, on the other hand

"_YOU DID WHAT?" He caught me as I finished showering, taking all the blood out._

"_I was out for groceries and someone tried to rob me Ii had to defend myself" What I didn't know is that, there is, after all, one person in this world than can see trough my façade._

"_You're lying" He crossed his arms, and I'll admit, I was intimidated. "Don't do that" No reason would be good enough to explain how I was feeling right now._

"_What really happened?" He wasn't so agitated, but he wasn't going to let this one go either. _

"_I just wanted to protect you" he let out a laugh .Was this funny? "To keep you safe" His laugh died when he saw that I was being serious._

"_Gilly, love" He came closer and wrapped me in his arms "I can take care of myself. It's __**my**__ job to keep __**you**__ safe .remember?" I hugged him, tighter than before. I only wanted to care for him, and he wanted to do the same._

"_Koz, Koz, what am I going to do with you?"_

After that we established…a healthy way for our safety and our mental health as well. Because worrying over someone 24/7 can be stressful.

Which was also on the same day I got my tattoo. And it was one of the most precious things I could ask for.

"_Are you sure that this is what you want?" He asked me as I lay on the bed, naked, ready for what we were about to do._

"_Im sure Ii want you to be the one to do this to me" I decided to let Kozik himself to give me my crow .After all ,it was only suitable for my future husband to mark me as his own in such an intimate act for us .No one else needed to be present to be official. And that was what it was._

"_It'll hurt for a bit" He already had the needless and ink, gift from Happy._

"_I know, I can take it" I sent him a reassuring smile, being rewarded with one of his own._

"_I love you babe"_

"_I love you too"_

And that's how I got my heart tattoo, below my hip. And he got my name on his chest.

* * *

I wish I could say we got married after that, but we didn't. There had been a few…_complications_.

Kozik isn't that close to the club anymore. All he told me was that things weren't like they used to be, and he wanted out.

_So I went with him_

Once you manage to leave the club, you're dead to them .I never speak them anymore. And I miss them, but I understand .And I'll be forever thankful for giving me a glimpse of how wonderful my life would be.

We moved to San Francisco, and I've met Koz's brother, Noah. Turns out he is a good guy, not as much as his brother, but a nice man. After some "exchange of pleasantries", we see him very often .Much for both of their delight, even if they don't say it out loud. _Especially after they opened their own business._

If that wasn't "family" enough for him, the best was yet to come.

"_Ugh, can we stay in bed, today?" I've been so tired these past few days, and now these sick nauseous feeling every morning was driving me nuts!_

"_You can love, but I'll be back before lunch to stay with you, ok?" When he got down to kiss me, his aftershave smelt so horrible that I dashed straight to the bathroom._

"_Babe, you better get some rest. I'll call Noah and tell him you're not feeling very well" All I could muffled was a yes before I started to puke again._

* * *

"_Maybe it's something I ate" It was the only plausible explanation._

"_It could be .I mean, I feel like I was ran over by a truck, I feel so bad right now, baby" he kissed my forehead as I lay my head on his lap. We were watching "The Crow" marathon, and so far, our opinion was the same: Brandon Lee was THE Crow. The others were okay._

"_Gilly, don't you think we should set a doctor's appointment?" I laughed. Me, seeing a doctor? Why would I?_

"_You know how I feel about those" Not having to take my eyes of the screen, I could feel his eyes rolling._

"_I think this would be a good time to make an exception" I dismissed him with my hand, but turns out, that wasn't enough._

* * *

"_I can't believe you talked me into this!" Where did it go wrong? I specifically told Kozik NO DOCTORS .Did he listened to me? No._

_And now here we were, waiting for the doctors results of food poisoning._

"_you don't know that" He was perfectly calm .Ever since we moved to San Francisco ,he looked so much lighter, like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders .How did I get so lucky?_

"_But it is food poisoning!" I almost shouted at him .Poor man; he doesn't deserve my mood swings "What else could it be?" When he was about to answer me, it was as if he knew something I didn't .But the doctor came in, and I didn't have the chance to hear him._

"_Well doctor, is everything alright?" I just wanted to hear from him that I was right and throw in my man's face .that's all._

"_It seems, , that your suspicious were right" He squeezed my hand. Wait, Koz had talked to the doctor before? Oh no, how sick was I?_

_I can't believe it! Now that I was actually happy in my life, for once, I wanted that things stayed as they were. And now, it's going to change for the…_

"_Congratulations you two, you're going to be parents!"_

_**My heart stopped.**_

_The next minutes were a blur of shouting's, cry of relieve and more tears than I imagined._

_**I'm going to be a mother.**_

* * *

"_We're going to have a great time, kiddo" Koz was talking to my belly, again. It was such an tender and intimate moment that if I could, I'd leave; but I can't ,at this point ,moving was a difficult thing to achieve._

"_Is daddy Kozik going to teach him or her to fix a bike?" I was afraid if I did more than a whisper ,the scene unfolding before my eyes would break, so I kept it to myself; that and the fact that I might start crying at any point. Thank God Koz was used to it by now._

"_Damn right!" the smile on his face has been permanent, ever since we found out. Our little miracle._

"_What if it's a girl?" I had my suspicious, but I wanted to hear from him "What if she wants to learn ballet?"_

"_Then I'm going to put my badass rocker tutu and teach my daughter" His voice and looks of authority held no place for argument._

"_Damn right you will" I smiled and kissed him, one more time, with our hands intertwined on my huge belly._

* * *

_I can't believe how far my life has come._

Today was the day .Most women would be nervous at this hour ,holding their breath and asking herself if this is truly the right thing to do .But ,I had no place for doubts in my mind; this is what I want ,and I can't wait to become .

"Are you ready, Henry?"I whispered to other reason of my happiness; little Henry Kozik was born four months ago, healthy and looking like an exact copy of his dad .I don't know who cried more when he came; himself or his father.

His response was the happy noise he's always making; it's as if he knows something big is about to happen.

"Well then, let's go" I picked him up, holding a small bouquet that mixed camellias and gardenia, courtesy of my soon-to-be-husband. He said they represent perfect beauty, purity and sincerity; in his words _just like our love._

_Seriously, how could I not want to marry this man?_

As I made my way to the small garage on our house, simply decorate by my future brother-in-law and his family, I couldn't help but to wonder how far we've gone and the road ahead of us.

I know it won't be easy; we both have a lot of baggage and things might come to backfire on the ones we love.

But, more important, we have our little family, and, as long as we stay together, we can do anything.

The End.

* * *

**I'd like to thank Venetiangrl92, wrestlenascargirl , Mizue-chan, Lady Kato, Navala and savanna .Thank you for reading this story ,this chapter is dedicated to you!**


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